Wednesday, December 28, 2011

Phew! Weight = Lifted

I saw this post by baby rabies. It's an older one, but I just came across it recently and felt relieved to find someone else who had "mommy visions" like I had. Not visions of hurting myself or my baby, but "mommy visions." Visions of bad things happening. Impending doom looming over my head, like those rain clouds you see in cartoons that follow the character around and then at random lightning strikes. It's like that.

Lightning strike = mommy vision

With all the PPD/PPA stuff out there I hadn't come across something like this.
I know there are tons of stories out there, but none of them touched on the EXACT feelings I had. Her post, however, was something that really struck a chord within me. Because these "mommy visions" paralyze me all.the.time.


Middle of the day stroll to the ladies room then suddenly, STRIKE mommy vision.

Driving home from work STRIKE mommy vision

Thinking about our future family vacay STRIKE mommy vision

I tweeted babyrabies immediately after reading her post and asked her if they ever stopped.

She replied and what stuck out most about our conversation is when she said something along the lines of we have to "trudge through it." When she said those words, I felt like a huge weight had been lifted. If felt good to hear it was "normal" for having to trudge through this anxiety.

If you didn't know already I have severe anxiety that became more recognizable when I became pregnant. I'm not sure if it was caused by pregnancy, since it was an issue I had dealt with for several years, but it got worse the further along I got in my pregnancy and and once I have my baby.

Even in the happiest of times there seems to always an "impending doom" lingering in the back of my mind. Happiness scares the crap out of me because I am so worried that when I settle in the being happy I will be blindsided with some kind of tragedy.

For awhile I thought I was un-fixable because I took all the right steps to "getting better" and still had to deal with this. It felt good to know that someone else who took all the steps to getting better still had to deal with this- like I said it made me feel "normal."

If you're someone who has a similar story please leave a comment or tweet me (@hollshappily) I'd love to hear from others who have felt similar.

Tuesday, December 27, 2011

My blog is going through an identity crisis

My blog has been going through an identity crisis.

Is it a mom blog?

Beauty blog?

General Life style blog?

Personal journal?

All of the above?

None of the above?

I have been trying to make this place "into" something. Force this place to be something that just isn't working. Yes this is all my own writing, but with each post I feel like I have a different goal in mind.

For some reason I am writing for an audience. An audience I don't really have and can't really categorize.

I need to write for myself, I skipped a few steps in trying to follow the footsteps of my fellow bloggers who already have a following.

So from this point forward I am going to write for me. Good, bad and ugly.

I wondered if I should even write this post because people might find it weird. But since I am just writing for me and a "wiping the slate clean" post is what will make me feel better so, I'm doing it.

Slate you are officially wiped clean (and just in time for 2012)!

Friday, October 14, 2011

Birthday Parties: Not All Moms Are Created Equally Creative.

This past weekend we celebrated Lily's 2nd birthday. I had big plans to have the most awesome pink party EVER. I wanted many different varieties of pink candy, a bunch pink balloons, pink hanging decorations, pink garland, everything literally had to be pink. And let's not forget about the glitter, I want cute glitter votive glasses and mason jars and glittery food and on and on and on. Only one of those things ended up happening (thank goodness Lils has an obsession with balloons- the Minnie Mouse ones were an extra special bonus).

I am constantly seeing other moms pulling together these fantastic events, skilled in creating beautiful looking (and tasting)food and DIY decorations- so I thought, why don't I give it a try! So what if I had never done any of this ever before in my life. Who cares if all my attempts at being creative in the past had resulted in a huge ugly fail. This time was going to be different I was going going to succeed!!

Then the week before her birthday party came and I hadn't gotten anything done.

Then the day before her birthday party came and I thought I would be able to squeeze in baking all the cupcakes, cookies and smash cake, make my own icing, decorate the whole house and still have time to make myself look pretty.

This past weekend I realized I am NOT a good party planner. My husband ended up having to ice the cupcakes and put everything else together last minute (thanks hubby!) because it was an hour before the party and I still needed to get ready. At 3:00 I was ready just in time for the guests were arrive and the decorations I bought never got put up. The only glitter was the glitter in my eye shadow and the cake, well, you'll just have to see if for your self:

The cake was supposed to look like this:

But ended up looking like this:
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Apparently my definition of "easy" and Wilton's is not the same. Squeezing icing out of one of those bag thingies isn't as easy as it seems- I kept squeezing with the wrong hand and icing was everywhere, and did you know it takes an hour to make icing? Did you know that you should probably put it in the fridge before you decorate with it so it would stick and not be all droopy? You did? Well... I didn't. I had no clue what in the world I was doing and picking Lily's birthday to test it all out was not the best idea.

I was so embarrassed of my work that I hid the cake in the fridge and decided I would not be pulling it out. All day Lils had been asking for cake as she saw me making it and now I was going to have to tell her a cupcake would have to do. Then after a few glasses of sangria, some encouraging white lies, and wanting to keep my word to my daughter I pulled it out.

This is what happened when Lils saw the cake:

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She reached for the cake! The ugly, embarrassing mess of a cake I had made. She was over joyed and couldn't wait to dig in.

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After her first taste she looked at me and said " Tastes good!" My icing and cake had gotten the picky eater toddler approval.

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Did I also mention that because I kept the cake in the fridge it was pretty hard and not all cake smash like? I'd lost track of all my fails by this time.

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So, I may not have had the prettiest cake or the most fabulous decorations, but the girl who's birthday we were celebrating was over joyed she got a cake all to herself and was able to play with as many balloons as she could hold. My gorgeous girl was happy that day, and that's what it's all about.

One of the things I got right? Check out Lils' skirt:
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It was absolute perfection.

I'd like to thank Danielle from gogirlusa and Teddy's Tiny Tutus for getting this skirt ready and in the mail within 24 hours so I could have it in time for the big day.

Have you ever had a complete creative flop when trying to put on a birthday party or other special event? I'd love to hear stories from other women, like myself, who aren't so creatively talented but try anyways ;)

Wednesday, August 31, 2011

Pinstripe Suit- Corporate Attire

Ok you guys this is my first time posting from Polyvore so I'm still trying to get the hang out it. I also have a chain pearl necklace to wear with this outfit but couldn't link it to polyvore- you can find the style here

This isn't how I dress everyday since my office is business casual, but this would be a typical outfit for days I have interviews, especially with executives (so I guess sometimes it is everyday ;))I always like to add a touch of pink to my outfits (so much so people notice if I'm NOT wearing pink)so the light pink shirt lets me add my style without being overwhelming.

I need to add a fabulous everyday bag to my look but haven't found th perfect one yet. The navy one I had in mind is now out of stock so I am on the hunt again! Any suggestions? My style is classic and simple- leave me a comment or tweet me your ideas!

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Work Life Balance Rules- It gets better

I have been trying to get a handle on work life balance for the past year.

I think I am almost there... maybe.

When I started working after being a stay at home mom my heart ached for my little girl. I would beat myself up with guilt if I missed her bed time or left before she woke up in the morning- or worse left too early and got home too late and didn't get to see her at all. Add that to the mental and physical exhaustion from going back to work and I just about lost it.

It was too much all at once and I didn't know how I was going to survive.

Then I switched jobs. I switched to a place that allowed for flexible hours and I got a position that was closer to home. These were two key things that helped to level me out. Still it took awhile for me to get used to working. Honestly, the physical exhaustion still gets to me, but hey it's better than when I first started out.

So to all you moms out there just going back to work and feeling like this- please know that it gets better. You have to make rules for yourself to ensure you get enough time with the family and yourself. Being bogged down with guilt and stress doesn't help your productivity at work or make you pleasant to be around at home. Here are some of the rules I have made for myself:

If I plan to go into work early, I leave at a decent hour to make sure I kiss my baby girl goodnight (at the very least)

If I know I'll be working late I'll visit at lunch or I'll go in a little later to make sure I get some quality snuggle time.

The weekends, for the most part are family time. I do have a social life, but generally I used the entire weekend to catch up for time missed during the week.

Work for a company that is family friendly- my boss totally understands that family comes first and as long as I am doing my job and performing well there is no issue if I need to take care of family matters.

Choose a position that doesn't make you cry everyday due to stress (uh yea, I made the mistake but only once, but it taught me the importance of work environment, not just $$$)

Go to the gym. I started going to the gym back in April. Sometimes I'll go 5 days a week, sometimes I'll only make it once. Either way I am still taking some time out to do something healthy for me. I can't stress enough that even though this takes time away from work and family, you have to take care of yourself too. Whether it be a hobby, working out, taking a class, whatever- do something for yourself- it will do you a wonder of good.

Give my mind a rest. For me this means scrolling through pinterest, reading through blogs, books or magazines, looking at art, etc. All of this stuff inspires me to work on a non-work related projects such as re-decorating the house, helping me plan my daughters birthday party, picking out necessities for travel, and so on. Sometimes I literally just compile my "Lust List" of things I'd like to buy and that will be that. Other times I will actually create something. Either way I am taking time out to focus on something that is totally not work related, and leaves me feeling relaxed, motivated and inspired.

Do you have any tips on work life balance? Did you struggle when first returning to work after having a baby? I'd love to hear your stories!

Monday, August 22, 2011


Let's talk about SCRUBS!

In a previous post I mentioned how much I loved scrubs, so I wanted to share with you my current favorites.

Those of you who are new... I have a slightly unhealthy obsession with Bliss products. Those of you that aren't new... you will continue to see the obsession.

Scrub #1: Super Minty Soap'n Scrub

This scrub is PERFECT for using after an intense workout, when it's crazy hot outside, and or after a long weekend with the girls in the city. It is so refreshing and it has a cooling effect. You know how your mouth feels after you brush first thing in the morning? All nice and clean? Yea that- except for your body. After my weekend in NYC I came home feeling all grimey (hello sharing a room with all my gals, late nights, and city air)and instantly felt better after a scrub session with this.

Scrub #2: Fatgirlscrub

I really enjoyed the scent of this, as well as the way it made my skin feel. I only had a small size of it (I purchased it as part of a "welcome kit" for the fatgirl products) so I didn't get enough use out of it to see the effects on slimming/cellulite. I do plan to purchase a full size one of these, though.

Scrub #3: Blood Orange and White Pepper Sugar Scrub

The smell is this scent is so yummy and summery. This is a gentle scrub, that can be used everyday without feeling like you are doing a major exfoliation. I love using this before I hit the beach or before I go out and enjoy a night in the sweet summer air. It's so light, yet it really gets the job done and keeps my skin smooth.

Scrub #4: Homemade Lavender and Vanilla Sugar Scrub

Unfortunately I don't have a picture or link for this one. One of my friends makes sugar scrubs, and can pretty much make any scent your heart desires. I really like to use this int he winter when my skin is extra dry. This sugar scrub is so moisturizing, I was able to get through last winter without any skin issues. I think she may be planning to sell the scrubs at some point so I will def link to her store once it's all set up.

So there you have it- the current scrubs I am loving and their unique qualities that make it necessary to have more than one!

Do you have a favorite body scrub? Let me know in my comments or tweet me @HollsHappily!

Monday, August 15, 2011

HoneyBelle Bodybuffer: Week 3

::sneaks in back door::

I know, I know. I'm late again. Last Friday I left for NYC for my best friend's bachelorette party and was busy getting ready and savoring some last minute snuggles with my daughter before I left.

So, now it's been three weeks since I started using the buffer and things are still going great! My skin stays feeling smooth and tight and fabulous! I absolutely love the way my skin looks and feels, the changes are undeniable, yet it doesn't look like I've had anything "done" I just look better... does that make sense?

The biggest change for me has probably been my thighs. They are slimmer and smoother. I didn't have a huge issue before using the machine, but there were definitely some trouble spots that have started to disappear since I've started buffing. I am also impressed my body hasn't completely blown up after the weekend of partyin' with the gals I just had.

This product is a must have. Seriously. Go out and buy it immediately or follow @BelleCoreLLC because as soon as they reach 1500 followers they are GIVING AWAY a babyBelle- I totally wished I had the babyBelle this weekend for when I was traveling and plan to make a purchase in the near future! So start following them and then buy the HoneyBelle and you'll be set for LIFE.

***Do you own the HoneyBelle and/or babyBelle buffers? I'd love to hear about your experiences! Leave a comment or tweet me @HollsHappily to let me know how much you love it!

Thursday, August 11, 2011

Must Have Accessory: Sunglasses

Who doesn't love sunglasses? This is a staple in my wardrobe. I wear them rain or shine, from sun up to sun down. Not only are they a fabulous accessory, but my eyes are ultra sensitive to the sunlight, so wearing them is absolutely necessary.

I like to have more than one pair so that I can coordinate with what I am wearing that day. Here are the three sunglasses that circulate with my wardrobe:

1: The aviator.

These are a classic shape that pretty much looks good on everyone. I usually wear these when I am out and about in jeans and a T-shirt, or heading to the gym on the weekends. Mine are similar to the above picture but with darker lenses and pink tips instead of white. You can purchase these sunglasses at South Moon Under

2. The LVs

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These sunglasses look like sophistication for me. I love to wear these when I have an especially important meeting (which happens more often than not) or to add some style when I am bundled up in all black and suits in the wintertime. I feel like a million bucks walking into the office and am ready to conquer the day with these on! You can purchase a similar pair at Louis Vuitton in creme or marron .

3. The "goes with everything."

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These are my fav glasses. They are navy blue ::swoon:: just a tad over-sized and look stunning with everything. I wear these the most often. I purchased mine from David Yurman, but again, looks like my color is no longer available. Here are a similar pair.

What sunglasses are you currently rockin'? Do you have an accessory you absolutely must wear everyday?

Tuesday, August 9, 2011

Sunday Spa Day: Summary and Review Comming!

Sorry this is a bit late! As I mentioned in my post yesterday, I was super busy last week on vacation with the fam!

Today for Sunday Spa I just wanted to summarize my routine since I split it up into two posts.

1) I use the Conqueror to rid myself of any evidence I wore 3+inch heels all week ;)

2) I step into the shower and get my scrub on with Bliss' Vanilla+Bergamont body buff

3) I rinse off and add some extra moisture with Vanilla+Bergamont Soapy Suds

4) After I dry off I lotion up and slip on my softening socks. I wear these for 20 minutes and when I'm done I feel fresh and fabulous!

This is an easy quick way to turn your home into a spa and give you body with pampering it deserves!

I am also going to add a facial mask to my routine. I have hesitated before because although my skin is normal, it's very sensitive. Straying away from anything but my beloved Neutrogena daily face scrub has turned my face into a danger zone. I have very pale skin so it often look a bit dull, I think a weekly mask is just what it needs to be revitalized and glowing.

Thanks to twitter, I asked @BlissSpa which mask was the best for me. They don't sell travel or sample sizes so I wanted to make sure I bought the right one for my face. I LOVE that they responded (can you tell that responsiveness is the way to my heart;)) asking for specific details about my skin type of the result I was looking for. They recommended I try the Triple Oxygen Mask since I have normal skin and am looking to brighten it up. I am hoping to stop by their place while in NYC this weekend, but if not I will def purchase within the month. I will keep you updated on how I like it!

P.S. it's obvious I have a thing for bliss products. They work well with my skin, I love the way they smell, and they are aesthetically appealing. I do plan to go out and try new products to be more versatile, but I write about what I know and like and the majority of my skin care products just happen to be bliss (because they are AWESOME) Do you have a brand you are completely attached to?

Monday, August 8, 2011

HoneyBelle Bodybuffer: Week 2

Hello lovelies! I apologize for not having a proper update on Friday for you. I was on vacation and didn't have a chance to get one out.

Last week was a bit hectic. My husband and kids left for OBX on Saturday, then I met them later in the week. Due to travel times, kids and activities I didn't get to buff everyday, so I'm not sure if/how things would be different if I was able to stick to doing it twice a day.

I don't have any major progress to report, but I didn't go backwards either. I managed to stay exactly the same as the week before. The surprising part about this is that I didn't work out, and "indulged" in fattening foods for most of the week. Normally after a week like that I would be crazy bloated, a few pounds heavier and my clothes would feel snug. Even though I didn't buff twice a day everyday- I think using the machine helped me maintain. I really don't have anything else to give credit too, since my diet and exercise were lacking. I am so happy the results were able to last in between days of buffing, especially because I have only used it for two weeks! I feel so thankful for being one of the beauty award winners from Neiman Marcus, even after two weeks of use, I can't imagine NOT owning this product.

Does this mean I will continue to eat poorly and not exercise? No, not at all, but it is nice to know I can have a slip up without completely throwing myself off track. Having that pressure taken off is a huge relief. Not having the guilt has really improved how I think and talk about myself, it's only been week, but it's better than nothing ;) The sooner I can break the negative habit, the better it is for my daughter and that's what matters most, but I am getting off topic now and will have to discuss this more in depth in another post.

Anyways... back to the buffer: I changed up my routine a bit this week and I do butt and thighs at the same time and then stomach. My body is completely used to the machine; it doesn't feel as heavy using it one handed (was I really THAT weak before?!) and is just a breeze to use. I am starting to run low on the contouring creme, the kit comes with a 4 oz tube I'm guessing this is supposed to last the 4 weeks (or 30 days) of buffing? I am probably 3/4 of the way done with the bottle so I need will need to order next week. Luckily they sell an 8 oz size, which will last longer. I think when I purchase more creme I am going to get the optional pad liners as well- just to see what it's like. I have a tendency to get super attached to a company I like and want to buy everything they offer- I can't decide whether I am thankful or sad they don't have a huge product line ;)

Ok, well that's it for last week's update, I'll have this week's update on Friday!

Monday, August 1, 2011

Sunday Spa Day: 2nd Edition

On this week's Sunday Spa Day I'm talking about how I keep my skin feeling and looking beautiful with exfoliating and moisturizing. I love how refreshed and silky smooth I feel after I exfoliate- this is absolutely necessary for an at-home spa experience!

I am OBSESSED with body scrubs. I use them more than once a week, and have a variety of different scrubs. On Sundays, I take extra time to make sure I get a really good scrub everywhere. During the week my showers are quick and rushed, so I like to have a day where I make sure to get the best scrub I can.

My scrub of choice on Sundays is the Bliss Vanilla+Bergamont Body Buff:

I LOVE this scent. It's warm and cozy and amazing. After using the The Conqueror I step into the shower, without the water on and grab a handful of the body buff. I start with my feet and make my way up, until I am covered, from neck to toe (minus the girly bits). I usually do a final once over to just make sure I get the ultimate scrub then I turn on the water and rinse it away.

I follow this up with some Vanilla+Bergamont Soapy Suds and Body Butter. For the most part I like to keep my scents consistent- it's just a weird quirk of mine.

Are there particular scents you love? What's your favorite body scrub and lotion combination?

I'm thinking of adding another product to the mix, stayed tuned for next week when I sum up my current routine and reveal the new product I am going to try!

Friday, July 29, 2011

HoneyBelle Bodybuffer: Week 1

Hello Everyone! It's time for my week 1 update on the HoneyBelle Bodybuffer.

You guys... I think I am in love.

First of all, I wrote to the company's customer service department about the issue with my stomach, just in case, and received a response within hours. Not only that but they forwarded my issue to one of the physicians who helped develop the product to give me additional information. I received a response from her the next morning. They explained that I used too much pressure for too long on my stomach and to not use the product on that area for 48 hours to make sure I did not irritate it more. I really appreciated their quick response and advice on how what I needed to do next. Everyone I have spoken with at the company has been so sweet and helpful, I've just had the most wonderful experience with them all around.

Now lets get to the good stuff! For a majority of the time I used the product twice a day- there were a few days I only used it once. My personal preference is to use the product as soon as I wake up. Literally I get out of bed and plug it in. This is a great way to start the day, I felt refreshed and since I started the day thinking about making a healthy decision for my body, it was easier to continue making healthy decisions through out the day. I feel like my entire morning routine has improved just by starting the day using this product.

At night time I prefer to use this right before I go to bed. Because of the vibrations on your skin (I think) everything feels extra soft and silky afterward. I felt like my bed had turned into the W bed (my all time fav)- it was like heaven. Normally, it takes me forever to get comfortable and relax before falling asleep, no matter how much fabric softener or what kind of sheets I have it's just tough for me to relax. Using this machine gets me to that relaxed place and it really felt amazing.

So I bet your dying to know how my body actually looks or the results I have seen? Right? I notice that my skin is much softer and my thighs are smoothing out. Truth be told I do not have a major cellulite problem, but I use this machine as a preventative measure as well. I also notice my midsection feels different. I haven't lost any weight and can't exactly pin point WHAT is different, but there is something. My pants are fitting a tad looser, my skin feels smoother and tighter, they're minimal changes, but they're still there (and hello, it's only been a week!)

I am excited to see how I progress over the next few weeks and look forward to sharing it with all of you!

I'd also like to add that this product goes above and beyond just a cellulite treatment for me. It has really improved my way of life in so many ways, I am completely surprise at how much it has effected me. I love that I have added this to my daily routine and look forward to using it for a very very long time.

Stayed tuned for my week 2 update next week. I should be posting in between so feel free to come back before then as well- upcoming posting will include raves about my favorite products, beauty routines, and more!

Monday, July 25, 2011

Spa Day Sunday: 1st Edition

It's Sunday and you know what that means.. Spa day! I have a complete Sunday routine that leaves me feeling relaxed and refreshed and fabulous to tackle the week ahead!

For the first edition of Spa Day Sunday I am going to start with the product that transformed my life and brought me to a whole new level of pampering myself....

Bliss Softening Socks!!!

The above image is a set of the Softening Socks and Diamancel #20 the Conqueror I bought this set from NeimanMarcus in case you'd like to try it out for yourself (you totally should). Both are absolutely necessary for velvety soft feet. I started out just using the socks and they worked great, but adding the conqueror really made a difference and made my results last much longer.

Before I get in the shower I use the conqueror to smooth away any roughness, then I hop in the shower and use one of my many scrubs (also by Bliss but I'll discuss those another day :)) to completely exfoliate my entire body and feel silky smooth. Once I get out I slab some lotion (more bliss products- can you tell I'm obsessed?) and slide on the softening socks. After 20 minutes I remove them and my feet are polished, soft and look like they've never seen a high heel in their life- so fab!

In addition to working wonders on my skin, these products are long lasting. The softening socks last for around 50 uses, which is almost an entire year if you only use them once a week. The conqueror (as well as all the of diamancel tools) last forever, and get this... made with diamonds, LOVE IT!

Stay tuned for next week when I discuss more of the products that make Spa Day Sunday so fabulous!

Do you have a set routine to pamper yourself? What are your favorite products to use?

P.S. Bliss did not provide me with these items, or any of the other items I use. The only time I receive products for free is on the rare occasion I win a contest. I have not been asked to write a review and the opinion and motivation for this post are all honest and my own.

Friday, July 22, 2011

HoneyBelle Bodybuffer Product Review

Hello Everyone! I have wanted to do some product reviews for awhile, but I wasn't sure where to start. Last night I tried out my HoneyBelle Bodybuffer for the first time and thought that might be a good place to start!

This is the HoneyBelle bodybuffer! At first I thought it looked a little intimidating and wasn't sure how loud it would be or how powerful it would be. I wasn't sure about using it twice a day being a busy working mom, so it sat in it's case for a couple of weeks before I decided to test it out. I used it on my thighs, butt, and stomach and here are my thoughts after two uses (one last night and one this morning):

-Using it on my butt was a little tough, I had to do it one handed and my weak little twig arms got a bit tired HOWEVER it felt like a bonus mini work out since I was in constant motion.

-The skin on my thighs immediately felt softer and smoother and some how more toned even after one use! Instant gratification is awesome!

-Last night I used it post work out and it felt amazing on my muscles. I just started incorporating a circuit training routine into my work out and it really helped my sore muscles.

-One problem I found was the when I used it on my stomach I think I applied to much pressure. My stretch marks and area where my belly button ring used to be completely swelled up and my tummy was BRIGHT red.It took awhile for the swelling to go down, but by the time I was in bed it was pretty much gone. This morning when I tried it again my stomach was still tender... I guess I got a little too excited using it on my stomach last night ;)

-After using the machine you are suppose to use the contouring lotion. This stuff smell amazing and isn't too rich. My skin feels perfectly moisturized without being too lotion-y.

-My skin is very fair and very sensitive, using this product did not cause any irritation on my thighs and butt, maybe a little tenderness but nothing uncomfortable.

-The instructions tell you to apply pressure, but don't apply TOO much- or you'll end up in my situation (swelled up stretch marks are even more gross then regular old indented bear claw ones).

All in all, I like this product so far. I really like that even without the toning effects, it relieves sore muscles. Both times I have used it I felt very relaxed and refreshed after which is also a bonus, because I almost never feel relaxed or refreshed (I'm a hotmess).

Also, it's important to note that I am not just using the HoneyBelle Bodybuffer to slim down or tone, I work out and try to eat right, this product is just suppose to help maximize your end result. I'll be back for another update next week!

Interested in trying it out for yourself? Go to: You can also find this as one of the beauty award winners at NeimanMarcus!

P.S. HoneyBelle did not provide this product to me- I was asked by no one to do a review. The thoughts and opinions AND motivation to write this post are all honest and my own.

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

The Swimsuit Debate

Mothers of little girls have some added pressure during the summer months. Bikini or no bikini? This summer in particular (OK it's only the second summer of me being a mom but still) I have noticed an abundance of bikinis for little girls and not much to choose from when it comes to one pieces.

Last year I was die hard and kept to my one-piece promise without hesitation. This year tempation of cute ruffled bikinis has filled my mind more than I care to think about.

"Should I just do it? So many other moms do it, it's OK right?" Then the voice of reason comes through " Bikinis are supposed to be "sexy", do you really want your baby in something "sexy?"

No, no I do not. Saying sexy and my daughter in the same sentence makes me a little queasy. My daughter is a baby girl and will be dressed as such. If this means I have to go through the entire summer with only two bathing suits for her so be it. I'd rather have a less than stellar collection of swimwear than be panic stricken at the beach wondering what perv is checking out my kid in a bikini.

So for this chick- no bikinis. I'm not sure when I will feel comfortable with her wearing one (maybe never?) but as long as I am picking out her bathing suit, I'll be looking in the one-piece section.

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

The cold hard truth. Thank you, Dr. Seuss.

There are many many quotes from Dr. Seuss books that can be used to relate to real, adult life. One of his most famous books " Oh, The places you'll go!" is one "quote" in itself. It talks about the highs and lows of life- the book tells you like it is.

One part in particular really got to me:

"I'm afraid that some times
you'll play lonely games too.
Games you can't win
'cause you'll play against you."

I am my own worst critic and I break myself down. I am my own worst disappointment and the biggest mistake I've ever made. These are my lonely games, the games I play in my head, when I'm thinking of what I should have done, how I should have done it and why. When I am beating myself up until I am raw and just cry. I'm not easy to please, especially when you are me. I put the bar way to high where I know I can't reach it, and then watch in disgust as I try and fail and end up defeated. It's a sick game I'm sure many of us play and I'm never going to get anywhere if I continue to play this way.

"All Alone!
Whether you like it or not,
Alone will be something you'll be quite a lot.
And when you're alone, there's a very good chance
you'll meet things that scare you right out of your pants.
There are some, down the road between hither and yon,
that can scare you so much you won't want to go on. "

This. Exactly this. I wasn't sure where I was going to go with this because I just feel like this explains how I have felt, what I have gone through and what I still deal with. I have tried to write and expand on this quote and I just find it hard. I have surrounded myself with amazing people, and appreciate them more then they will ever know. But at the end of the day it's just me that I'm with, I know what I'm living more than anyone else, it's me, just me, all on my own. I've been that frightened, and had that paralyzing fear. I've wanted to yell "STOP" and just take a rest, I couldn't keep up with life, I just couldn't catch my breath.

"But on you will go
though the weather be foul.
On you will go
though your enemies prowl...
Onward up many a frightening creek,
though your arms may get sore
and your sneakers may leak.
On and on you will hike
And I know you'll hike far
and face up to your problems
whatever they are."

And on I did go, and still do everyday.

Monday, May 16, 2011

I Miss You Gorgeous

Hello My Gorgeous Girl,

You are so big now I can hardly believe my eyes. You're 19 months old and I so desperately want to freeze time. I miss you like crazy, babygirl, even though right now you are only one room away.

I've been back at work for 9 months and instead of getting easier, it just gets harder to be away from you. I want nothing more than to be with you all day every day, to watch you grow and learn. It kills me when I get home just in time to kiss you goodnight, or when I get home after you've already fallen asleep especially on days I don't get to see you before I leave for work. I long for the weekends when you and I can be together all day, where I get to eat breakfast, lunch and dinner with you. During the week I try and remind myself that I'm working towards your education, the fun vacations we'll get to take, a new house, and being able to give you and your brother pretty much anything you want :)

When I start to worry about how my being at work all day will effect our relationship, these are a few of the things make me smile:

When you're upset I can pretty much always make you feel better by saying " Come on babygirl let's go pick out a purse to wear!" I love how you take my hand and smile with excitement as we walk down the hall to my room and you are able to pick out any purse you like.

I recently bought you your first pair of over-sized sunglasses. When I came home and told you I had sunglasses for you the joy in your face made me tear up. I have never seen you so excited to receive a gift.

Hearing you say "Mamaaaaa!!!" There is an old work badge of mine that you found and carry around, pointing at it saying "mama, mama, mama" it just melts my heart.

Hearing you say "dada" It's so strange but sometimes I'll just sit back and watch you and daddy play staring in awe of how much you love each other. Most of the time when you are sad or when you first wake up you say "dadaaa"and it's so adorable I can't even take it. You don't like to go to bed without saying good night to him. When you wake up and he isn't there you look and ask for him- you're a true daddy's girl.

Hearing you say "Teeeee" You absolutely adore your brother and without a doubt, no matter what, seeing him makes you happy. You could have no toys, no binky, no blankey, and would still be content as long as TT is around.

Hearing you say "no" the way you say it is just so cute I can't even describe it- ask daddy :) Actually, just hearing you talk makes me smile. You are constantly saying new words and without fail it amazes me. You are so smart, and so quick I can't even believe it. The things you know and understand are really just amazing, I am so proud of you.

Hugs and kisses, hugs and kisses. I could kiss those chubby little cheeks all day and all night. I can never get enough.

Some of the things you are loving right now are: Minnie Mouse (meemeee) Elmo (melmo) your blankeys, playing basketball and making slam dunks with daddy, purses, sunglasses, dancing and singing, reading and I could go on and on and on!

Right now, I really miss you babygirl. If it wasn't for the fact you have trouble sleeping anywhere beside the crib or PnP I would scoop you into my arms and bring you into my room to sleep. The weekend just goes by too fast and soon enough I'll be rushing out the door Monday morning, hoping the day flies by so I can rush home to be with you before you fall asleep.

I love you gorgeous, I hope you're having sweet dreams.


Monday, April 11, 2011

Waist Sweatband, No Gym Required Shoes, and a Gym Memebership

Hello again! I'm back, for today, with a weightloss post (did you expect anything else?)

I decided to stop posting until I had something positive to say, something with substance other than my usual whine.

In the middle of March my husband joined a gym that is super close to our house and costs $10 per month with a $1 start-up fee. He also decided to get serious about eating healthy and working out. This has been more beneficial to me than anything ever before. I joined the same gym two weeks after and jumped back on the bandwagon. We are both going through this together, and although we have different struggles and different ideas of how we want our bodies to look, our end goal is to be healthier and in shape.

I bought some new shoes just for the occassion! It's a bit ironic because they are called " No Gym Required" and I started wearing them after joining a gym, but I really like them AND you can add weighted insoles to burn even more calories (I haven't added the weight insoles yet).

I also wear this waist slimmer belt, not sure if it helps to slim my waist but it sure does make me sweat more!

I like to work out in the mornings, my alarm is set for 4:45 so I can hopefully be out of the house by 5:15, get in an hour work out and be home by 6:30 so Joe can drop T off at school or so that he can go to the gym. 4:45 sounds early but it is worth it for the following reasons:

*I feel more tired when I sleep in until my regular time.
*All I have to do is throw on gym clothes and head out the door.
*Working out in the AM give me energy, working out in the PM makes me feel like I'm going to die.
*I have more time with my family when I work out in the morning.

I usually have a tablespoon of peanut butter and some water before I go workout. When I get back I make myself a whey protien drink, which helps sustain my energy.

So far, I have only done cardio at the gym, I am adding in strength this week. My current routine has been doing C25K then walking on an incline for a 1/2 hour. I like my current routine, but I know it's not the most efficient use of my time, so I will be cutting the last 1/2 hour of cardio out and replacing with with a power circuit.

I am still using Jackie Warner's " This is Why You're Fat" book as a guide for both exercise and diet. She offeres a couple different circuit routines so that my body won't get comfortable just doing the same thing over and over. As for the diet, she has a section of foods that you are supposed to "add in" to your current diet. I am going to make this a staple of what I need to eat everyday so that I am getting all the nutrients I need.

I am taking this whole thing very slowly and not forcing myself to lose weight every week. Instead I am focusing on getting in the habit of working out and eating right.

Here's to being healthy!

***P.S. I have a question for those that have done or are currently doing the C25K: Did you stay on week 2 longer than the program advises? I can barely finish the jogging intervals by the end of the program!******

Sunday, March 20, 2011

This is not Inspiring.

I found myself saying, quite frequently. "I had a baby {insert number of months} ago" or "well I've had a kid so..." or something along those lines and it always felt so... dishonest. Because honestly if you work your ass off and eat right you can look like a super model after you have a baby ::ducks from stones being thrown:: seriously... it's possible.

Truth be told? I look pretty much the same as I always have, minus the claw marks and the odd looking pooch/bellybutton (I've always had a pooch but now it has a new look thanks to my abs separating :)). Having a baby didn't give me love handles. Having a baby didn't give me a pooch or any of the other issues I have with my body.

I did this all on my own. For the past ten years I have grabbed handfuls of flab in disgust. For the past ten years I have yo-yo dieted. For the past ten years I have never seen real results. EVER. It's easy to use the excuse "well I'm a mom now soooo..." but really that isn't to truth, and anytime I DO use it I just feel so sucky about it because like I said, it just isn't true.

I am the way I am because of me. Because I don't know how to motivate myself to actually get the results I want. Because I don't know how to accept my body for the way it is. Because I don't know how to just be happy being me. I am 100% average. Not over weight, not super model skinny. I am smack dab in the middle of my healthy body range. I am average. on top of being average I'm really flabby, hence the handfuls of skin/fat I can grab off my body. Not to mention the jiggle effect (which is evermore enhance by the fact I am so pale I'm almost transparent).

I'm not sure why the fact that I feel so disgusted with myself hasn't motivated me to work out more and eat healthy regularly. I'm not sure why none of the 100000 weight loss programs or rather "life style" changes I have tried haven't worked.

I hate looking at myself in the mirror and the way my clothes fit. Why the hell haven't I been able to do something about it. FOR TEN YEARS NONETHELESS! It's frustrating. When is something going to click? When am I going to put eating rgiht and exercising before wanting to lay on the couch and veg out bc I've had a bad day or because I've had an awesome day or because I'm just lazy?

What the hell is it going to take for it to "click" for me.

I know there are so man other woman who feel this way... there has to be.

Maybe I need to save up and get a nutritionist/ ]healthy coach. I have spent the past ten years trying to take the most inexpensive easy way out. Maybe I really do need to invest in something?

Maybe I need to stop spending time making a plan and just "doing"

No matter what my next move is... it will be with my end goal in mind. Something, at some point has to work... right?

This pity party is getting old and each year that passes makes it that much more pathetic.

Monday, February 14, 2011

There's always an event

So one of the exceptions to my diet is that there are no rules when it comes to special events. Apparently special events aren't as sparse as I first thought. In fact almost every week there has been a "special event." If I allow my self to always indulge on a "special event" I'll never really diet.

Luckily for me, even with the special events of the past week, I did not gain. Actually, I lost 1/2 a pound which was surprising considering what I ate this weekend. My clothes are feeling tighter (as well as my rings) because of the amount of salt I had. It's crazy that even just one day of eating too much salt and I can feel a difference.

I kept up with my water intake and decreasing alcohol. I worked harder on my strength training. I also do random sets of squats or lunges throughout the day. I know it won't give me huge results but doing a set of squats is better than not doing them, right? Adding a three random sets of squats to the three I do during strength training equals six sets for that day- so when you add it all up I've doubled my work out. I do them when I am talking to the hubs, or when I am filling up a cup of water. I do walking lunges around my kitchen holding Lils. Just little additions like that. I really feel like it helps me not gain. I know I need to add in cardio (and a better diet) to see real results faster, but for now this is what is working.

My current strength routine consists of this:

Squats (12= 1 set)
Resistance band floor work- 1 set of three is actually three different "sets" of movements. I can't figure out how to explain it on here, I may need to find some pictures.
Chest flies (15= 1 set)
Bicep curls (15= 1set)
Tricep curls (10= 1 set)
Walking lunges (10 for each leg =1 set)

I do this routine three times for a total of three sets. Because I am weak and take a few seconds for breaks a lot it adds up to 20 minutes. I hope to add more to the routine as I get stronger and be able to make it through with less breaks. I use 4lb dumbbells for the chest fly, bicep curl and tricep curls. I am going to add the weights to my squats and lunges this week as well.

I also wear a band around my waist that makes me sweat. I'm not sure if it's really that effective in toning, but it really does make me sweat more and keeps my stomach tight during the work out. I'll post the products I use at some point :)

How did you do this week? What does your routine look like?

Friday, February 11, 2011

Today was my lucky day.

Ten minutes. I get ten minutes of perfection with my daughter each night. During her bedtime routine we turn on Sprout just in time to watch the pajanamals sing their lullaby and Nina do the good night poem and song. I wish I could stretch this block of time out for hours. Lils knows when it's time for bed and asks for her binky, collects her blankey, minimouse and bear. Then looks over at me and I say "wanna come sit with momma?" She smiles and runs over to me.
She runs to me.


I make such a big deal about this because any other time of day? She doesn't run to me so much. She runs to daddy. If I get the privilege of getting Lils out of her crib in the morning she looks past me, looking for daddy. When I try and take her from his arms? She turns and holds tightly to him. She is OBSESSED with him- a true daddy's girl.

Then there are those ten amazing minutes that she is mommy's precious girl. Bedtime is my time. At bed time she comes and sits with me with her blankey and stuffed animals. At bed time she chooses me. And if I'm having a REALLY lucky day? She'll snuggle.

Today was a really lucky day. Because today was a really lucky day and a Friday my daughter went to bed 1/2 an hour past her bed time. Messing with her routine may make things crazy for tomorrow but I know I won't regret it. You just don't regret spending extra time holding your child. You just don't.

Today was my lucky day.

Monday, February 7, 2011

I Surrender

Alright everyone I FINALLY surrender.

I have officially cut back on diet soda. I know that this piece of advice has been around for many many years but I just couldn't take it seriously. I always thought I got a decent amount of water, that because the soda I was drink had no calories that it was basically the same thing, and because hearing "drink more water" made me angry.

It probably started when I got pregnant and every time I would call my doctor with an issue and I'd get " drink more water." I HATED IT. My belly button felt like it was going to pop off of my body and I was told drinking water will help it? Well much to my twisted satisfaction a whole day of non stop drinking (which resulted in A LOT of peeing) and my belly button still felt like it was going to pop off. Turns out it was growing pains and I just had to deal with it... and make sure I drink enough water.

So anyways, that's how my "thing" with water started. I suppose I felt the need to prove to everyone that drinking more water is NOT the answer. I would think to myself oh I drink enough water, I don’t need to cut back on soda lalalala I'M NOT LISTENING TO YOUR ADVICE. Not to mention my work has a FREE fountain soda machine. FREE. I can have as many sodas as I want and spend NOTHING. It felt wrong NOT to take advantage (admittedly it still does).

In my desperation to find more energy I decided to give in. Like, REALLY give in this time. There are many different suggestions on how much water you should drink, I go with 1/2 of your weight in oz. I need 60 oz of water a day, and round it up to 64 because I drink out of 16 oz cups. I allowed myself one soda a day after I had consumed at least 1/2 of my daily intake. Usually I didn't even finish the soda; but it was nice to still have the option. It's a hell of a cut back considering what I was drinking before which was equal to what my water intake should be.

What a difference I saw. I DID have more energy. The headaches I usually get? Not as bad. I felt less bloated and even had less trouble waking up in the morning. So looks like I would have saved myself a lot of time and trouble if I would have just given in the the world's simplest piece of advice "drink more water"

Let's recap this week, the good:

More water

Real strength training workouts using my resistance bands and 4lb weights, doing squats and lunges and stretching

No weight gain

Feeling less tired

The bad:

Awful diet. JUST AWFUL. I had a HUGE craving for carbs this week and couldn't get enough of them. The bads ones. I really need to be more diligent about making a meal plan and preparing it over the weekend because during the week I am ALWAYS strapped for time and end up grabbing what's easiest or waiting to buy lunch at work- which costs more and I always choose something that isn't healthy.

Still no cardio. I have no excuse. Actually I have a ton... but I'm sure you're tired of hearing them :)

How did you do this week? Did you finally give in to a piece of advice you have been trying to avoid?

*****Also early morning worker-outers PLEASE comment- I'd like to discuss morning motivation with you****

Wednesday, January 26, 2011


" Pretty, pretty please don't you ever ever feel less than perfect" -Pink

Normally I think it's cheesy when people quote current pop songs, but tonight while I was watching my beautiful baby twirl and dance to this song these words made my throat tight and my eyes water.

Dear Lils,

You are perfect. You are gorgeous and so incredibly smart it scares me. You love to dance, pick up clumps of dog hair to give to me to throw away, and you hate to have your hands dirty. You love to snuggle with your blankies and soft stuffed animals. You're independent and strong and give kisses in exchange for snacks. You like to brush your teeth and refuse to eat the same food two days in a row. You're feisty and mouthy and not afraid to demand you get what you want. You make me smile everyday, you melt my heart and I am so thankful I am the lucky mommy that gets to call you my little gorgeous girl.

You're Perfect. Do you know that? Will you promise me that you will always remember that? Even if one day you're heart gets broken? Even if one day a friend turns their back on you? Even if you start to think that outfit makes you look fat? Even if you feel lonely and like no one understand you, please promise me.

And Lilybear... if you find yourself having trouble remembering, there are at least two people that are ready to remind you, at not even a moments notice, how perfect you are.

I love you baby girl.

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Monday, January 24, 2011

Baby Steps

I'm just going to jump right into it.

Things I changed:

Cut back on the alcohol. I did as I planned as only have a drink once during the week and one the weekend.

Strength Training? I put a question mark because I didn't have a full 20-30 minute chunk of non-stop working out. I did squats, walking lunches and the resistance band when I could for short increments. It's not much but it's more than I was doing before.


Working out first thing in the morning. I was able to do it for two weeks a few months ago and ever since I didn't think it would be so hard to start up again. I just can not find the energy to get up and do it. I'm not sure how to tweak this plan because working out at home after work is the last thing I want to do- I want to come home and spend time with my family. I may need to just suck it up and work out after work- I mean I know it's only 20-30 minutes but still.

I had two slices of cheesecake this weekend. I should have only had one if any. They were small but still pack a lot of calories and fat.

Not enough water. We have a FREE fountain soda machine at work. It's tough to pass that up! I originally planned to alternate diet soda and water through out the day but I have been so busy I haven't stuck to it.

Major Issues:

I am EXHAUSTED. I feel tired all the time. and not just a little tired, but the kind of tired where you feel so heavy you can't move, your head hurts, every movement feels like it's taking everything out of you. It's one of the worst feelings. It's also one of the reasons I have trouble working out in the morning. I know how hard it will be to move my muscles and how stiff they will be. It takes me at least an hour and a 1/2 to fully wake up. I really don't get it. I have a flex schedule so I don't have to be at work super early. I get decent nights sleep. Especially this week because I pretty much cut out alcohol and ate better. My husband lets me sleep in on the weekend and doesn't fuss when I fall asleep/tell him I need a nap. So I really don't get why I am THIS tired. I mean I know there are woman who work harder, and get less sleep that are able to get by better than I am. If you have figured out the secret to more energy- please share it with me!

I am also over working myself. It's been tougher than I thought to have work life balance. The way things are currently a 40 hour work week might as well be considered part-time. I actually feel guilty on those rare days I can leave the office after a mere 8 hours. I just get on a roll at work and don't want to stop (especially since it takes so long to get going in the AM). I always need to stay at work just "one more hour." Then go home and need to "finish some things up" for another 2-4 hours. I work 10 minutes from home there is no reason I should be walking in the door at 9:30 at night. FFS I have even thought to myself "If I could just work till midnight every night this week it would take a huge load off." It's just too much.

Things to improve this week:


Block off time to work out for 20-30 minutes straight at least once a day five times this week.

Cut back on the work load. Try to leave work at 6:30pm at the latest!

Here's to taking baby steps that eventually turn into major progress!

Sunday, January 23, 2011

The Magic of Boston

So I didn't get as many pictures as I'd like, but here is a slight peak into our weekend in Boston!

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I Heart W Hotels. If I thought I could ever afford it, I would totally start saving up to live in one.

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The W bed. I will buy one of these one day.

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My favorite seat.

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NYE. I was the only one wearing pink in the whole place- love it! My face looks kinda funny but it was the best of the three pictures we took that night. We suck at taking pictures.

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Our last night there. I want to go back so badly!!

I Heart January

This time a year ago blogging was like therapy to me. I love picnik-ing pictures, coming up with things to write. I was hopeful for the change my wedding day would bring me. I worked out daily at 4:00pm while Lils napped. I had escaped the fog that is the first three months of a colicky baby and had come up with a super mom routine and really like it was all coming together. This was the Month of January. Although January is in the dead of winter it is one of my favorite months. It's refreshing, hopeful, and forgiving.

This year I feel no different. I start off the new year with a weekend away with my husband. Just us. It was time we so desperately needed. This weekend was "care free" which is oh so rare these days. I fell asleep before midnight on NYE. WE SLEPT IN TILL 10:00AM. We held hands as we walked down Newbury street and I napped without worry; it felt amazing. We had no itinerary to follow, no need to worry about timing, we could just... enjoy. It was beautiful in Boston that weekend.

January is hopeful and lovely. As this month comes to a close, I have a sinking feeling of anxiety about the other 11 months. Will I still get a sickening feeling with the first scent of fall? Will I ever NOT feel disgust with the summer? Will I be able to keep the feeling of excitement I get when the first sign of spring comes around? January fills me with so much promise of a better, more successful year but as the month fades to February I wonder if I will slowly but surly lose steam and enter the vicious cycle of the remaining 11 months.

Monday, January 17, 2011

McFatty Monday Take 103

Here I am a year later and I haven't made much progress. I have lost and gained 10 pounds over and over again. Something HAS to work right??? I feel like I have been trying so hard and nothing is working/sticking.

Then I talked to my husband about it. This is what he said:

"You really haven't been trying your hardest"

Taken aback by all the goals I have listed and different plans I have tried out this past year I started to open my mouth and defend myself and then I realized... he was right.

Although I have tried numerous plans and have been motivated to start those plans. I haven't stuck to anything. Even the month and a half I did the 30 days shred, I still wasn't eating as well as I should have. I have really been giving it 1/2 my effort even though I claimed to be giving it 100%. I am the QUEEN of giving excuses and that it precisely what I have been doing.

So again, I am here to state my goals, rules, and plans in the hopes that something will stick. I started off by giving my giving my husband full permission to comment and question my food choices and exercise. I listed out my goal and plan so we would both be on the same page. I hope that having a partner in this to help keep me accountable on a daily basis will really help me stay motivated and"just do it"

My Goal:

To be bikini ready for my honeymoon in 3 1/2 months. I have a deadline- it's not longer "I just want to be healthy." That goal wasn't working, it was too vague. I am someone who needs structure and deadlines.

The plan:

Exercise: Cardio for 20-30 minutes (depending on how much time I have) 5 days a week. 20-30 minutes of strength (squats, resistance band, etc.) 5 days a week. Ideally I would like to do the cardio in the mornings before work and the strength when I come home.

Food: For breakfast I have oatmeal with strawberries or frosted mini wheats. Lunch will be a mixture of yellow and red peppers, cucumbers, tomatoes, feta and chicken. For snacks I am going to have things like hard boiled eggs, whole grain english muffin with peanut butter (or almond butter if I can get it) and strawberry jam, nature valley's granola bars, and dried fruit. Dinner will be some kind of chicken or pasta but I will watch my portions.

Changes to make:

Less alcohol. I like to enjoy a drink after work and on the weekends. It's relaxing and now it's kind of a habit. I don't drink a lot, maybe one or two- but it still kills my energy and adds to my exhaustion. I am allowing myself a drink or two during one week night and then one night on the weekend. I am replacing my nightly drink with a nightly cup of de-caf tea. That way I still have a relaxing drink to enjoy at the end of the day, but it isn't damaging to my health or energy.

No break on the weekend. I will not being taking a diet break on the weekend.I think this is one of the top things that hindered my ability to stick with any kind of program. One weekend would run into the next week and the week after that and so on.

Some things to work on:

Waking up the same time everyday, even on weekends. I have been having trouble waking up early (except for my stint at my job from hell). I read if you wake up at the same time everyday, it makes it easier. I am lazy as hell and could sleep my life away- this is a BIG change that needs to happen.

More Water. 'nuff said.


Special occasions I can indulge myself. There is no way I will be able to pass up more than one helping of crab cake /crab dip/crab at a wedding- I'm from MD- it's almost illegal to do so. Being able to eat delicious food at special occasions is just something I am not ready to compromise on. Maybe I will be able to watch my portion sizes, or not eat 5 of everything offered, but I am not setting any rules just yet.

So... here I go ::fingers crossed::