Wednesday, January 26, 2011


" Pretty, pretty please don't you ever ever feel less than perfect" -Pink

Normally I think it's cheesy when people quote current pop songs, but tonight while I was watching my beautiful baby twirl and dance to this song these words made my throat tight and my eyes water.

Dear Lils,

You are perfect. You are gorgeous and so incredibly smart it scares me. You love to dance, pick up clumps of dog hair to give to me to throw away, and you hate to have your hands dirty. You love to snuggle with your blankies and soft stuffed animals. You're independent and strong and give kisses in exchange for snacks. You like to brush your teeth and refuse to eat the same food two days in a row. You're feisty and mouthy and not afraid to demand you get what you want. You make me smile everyday, you melt my heart and I am so thankful I am the lucky mommy that gets to call you my little gorgeous girl.

You're Perfect. Do you know that? Will you promise me that you will always remember that? Even if one day you're heart gets broken? Even if one day a friend turns their back on you? Even if you start to think that outfit makes you look fat? Even if you feel lonely and like no one understand you, please promise me.

And Lilybear... if you find yourself having trouble remembering, there are at least two people that are ready to remind you, at not even a moments notice, how perfect you are.

I love you baby girl.

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Monday, January 24, 2011

Baby Steps

I'm just going to jump right into it.

Things I changed:

Cut back on the alcohol. I did as I planned as only have a drink once during the week and one the weekend.

Strength Training? I put a question mark because I didn't have a full 20-30 minute chunk of non-stop working out. I did squats, walking lunches and the resistance band when I could for short increments. It's not much but it's more than I was doing before.


Working out first thing in the morning. I was able to do it for two weeks a few months ago and ever since I didn't think it would be so hard to start up again. I just can not find the energy to get up and do it. I'm not sure how to tweak this plan because working out at home after work is the last thing I want to do- I want to come home and spend time with my family. I may need to just suck it up and work out after work- I mean I know it's only 20-30 minutes but still.

I had two slices of cheesecake this weekend. I should have only had one if any. They were small but still pack a lot of calories and fat.

Not enough water. We have a FREE fountain soda machine at work. It's tough to pass that up! I originally planned to alternate diet soda and water through out the day but I have been so busy I haven't stuck to it.

Major Issues:

I am EXHAUSTED. I feel tired all the time. and not just a little tired, but the kind of tired where you feel so heavy you can't move, your head hurts, every movement feels like it's taking everything out of you. It's one of the worst feelings. It's also one of the reasons I have trouble working out in the morning. I know how hard it will be to move my muscles and how stiff they will be. It takes me at least an hour and a 1/2 to fully wake up. I really don't get it. I have a flex schedule so I don't have to be at work super early. I get decent nights sleep. Especially this week because I pretty much cut out alcohol and ate better. My husband lets me sleep in on the weekend and doesn't fuss when I fall asleep/tell him I need a nap. So I really don't get why I am THIS tired. I mean I know there are woman who work harder, and get less sleep that are able to get by better than I am. If you have figured out the secret to more energy- please share it with me!

I am also over working myself. It's been tougher than I thought to have work life balance. The way things are currently a 40 hour work week might as well be considered part-time. I actually feel guilty on those rare days I can leave the office after a mere 8 hours. I just get on a roll at work and don't want to stop (especially since it takes so long to get going in the AM). I always need to stay at work just "one more hour." Then go home and need to "finish some things up" for another 2-4 hours. I work 10 minutes from home there is no reason I should be walking in the door at 9:30 at night. FFS I have even thought to myself "If I could just work till midnight every night this week it would take a huge load off." It's just too much.

Things to improve this week:


Block off time to work out for 20-30 minutes straight at least once a day five times this week.

Cut back on the work load. Try to leave work at 6:30pm at the latest!

Here's to taking baby steps that eventually turn into major progress!

Sunday, January 23, 2011

The Magic of Boston

So I didn't get as many pictures as I'd like, but here is a slight peak into our weekend in Boston!

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I Heart W Hotels. If I thought I could ever afford it, I would totally start saving up to live in one.

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The W bed. I will buy one of these one day.

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My favorite seat.

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NYE. I was the only one wearing pink in the whole place- love it! My face looks kinda funny but it was the best of the three pictures we took that night. We suck at taking pictures.

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Our last night there. I want to go back so badly!!

I Heart January

This time a year ago blogging was like therapy to me. I love picnik-ing pictures, coming up with things to write. I was hopeful for the change my wedding day would bring me. I worked out daily at 4:00pm while Lils napped. I had escaped the fog that is the first three months of a colicky baby and had come up with a super mom routine and really like it was all coming together. This was the Month of January. Although January is in the dead of winter it is one of my favorite months. It's refreshing, hopeful, and forgiving.

This year I feel no different. I start off the new year with a weekend away with my husband. Just us. It was time we so desperately needed. This weekend was "care free" which is oh so rare these days. I fell asleep before midnight on NYE. WE SLEPT IN TILL 10:00AM. We held hands as we walked down Newbury street and I napped without worry; it felt amazing. We had no itinerary to follow, no need to worry about timing, we could just... enjoy. It was beautiful in Boston that weekend.

January is hopeful and lovely. As this month comes to a close, I have a sinking feeling of anxiety about the other 11 months. Will I still get a sickening feeling with the first scent of fall? Will I ever NOT feel disgust with the summer? Will I be able to keep the feeling of excitement I get when the first sign of spring comes around? January fills me with so much promise of a better, more successful year but as the month fades to February I wonder if I will slowly but surly lose steam and enter the vicious cycle of the remaining 11 months.

Monday, January 17, 2011

McFatty Monday Take 103

Here I am a year later and I haven't made much progress. I have lost and gained 10 pounds over and over again. Something HAS to work right??? I feel like I have been trying so hard and nothing is working/sticking.

Then I talked to my husband about it. This is what he said:

"You really haven't been trying your hardest"

Taken aback by all the goals I have listed and different plans I have tried out this past year I started to open my mouth and defend myself and then I realized... he was right.

Although I have tried numerous plans and have been motivated to start those plans. I haven't stuck to anything. Even the month and a half I did the 30 days shred, I still wasn't eating as well as I should have. I have really been giving it 1/2 my effort even though I claimed to be giving it 100%. I am the QUEEN of giving excuses and that it precisely what I have been doing.

So again, I am here to state my goals, rules, and plans in the hopes that something will stick. I started off by giving my giving my husband full permission to comment and question my food choices and exercise. I listed out my goal and plan so we would both be on the same page. I hope that having a partner in this to help keep me accountable on a daily basis will really help me stay motivated and"just do it"

My Goal:

To be bikini ready for my honeymoon in 3 1/2 months. I have a deadline- it's not longer "I just want to be healthy." That goal wasn't working, it was too vague. I am someone who needs structure and deadlines.

The plan:

Exercise: Cardio for 20-30 minutes (depending on how much time I have) 5 days a week. 20-30 minutes of strength (squats, resistance band, etc.) 5 days a week. Ideally I would like to do the cardio in the mornings before work and the strength when I come home.

Food: For breakfast I have oatmeal with strawberries or frosted mini wheats. Lunch will be a mixture of yellow and red peppers, cucumbers, tomatoes, feta and chicken. For snacks I am going to have things like hard boiled eggs, whole grain english muffin with peanut butter (or almond butter if I can get it) and strawberry jam, nature valley's granola bars, and dried fruit. Dinner will be some kind of chicken or pasta but I will watch my portions.

Changes to make:

Less alcohol. I like to enjoy a drink after work and on the weekends. It's relaxing and now it's kind of a habit. I don't drink a lot, maybe one or two- but it still kills my energy and adds to my exhaustion. I am allowing myself a drink or two during one week night and then one night on the weekend. I am replacing my nightly drink with a nightly cup of de-caf tea. That way I still have a relaxing drink to enjoy at the end of the day, but it isn't damaging to my health or energy.

No break on the weekend. I will not being taking a diet break on the weekend.I think this is one of the top things that hindered my ability to stick with any kind of program. One weekend would run into the next week and the week after that and so on.

Some things to work on:

Waking up the same time everyday, even on weekends. I have been having trouble waking up early (except for my stint at my job from hell). I read if you wake up at the same time everyday, it makes it easier. I am lazy as hell and could sleep my life away- this is a BIG change that needs to happen.

More Water. 'nuff said.


Special occasions I can indulge myself. There is no way I will be able to pass up more than one helping of crab cake /crab dip/crab at a wedding- I'm from MD- it's almost illegal to do so. Being able to eat delicious food at special occasions is just something I am not ready to compromise on. Maybe I will be able to watch my portion sizes, or not eat 5 of everything offered, but I am not setting any rules just yet.

So... here I go ::fingers crossed::