Monday, March 26, 2012

"Come Monday"

At my wedding I chose a nontraditional song for the dance with my father.

Some people choose songs like "Butterfly Kisses" or things like that. All beautiful songs and all encompassing the love a father has for his daughter.

I, however, chose a song that was different. Just as I had with the first dance with my husband. Just how I always choose something "different" I'm not one to go for the ordinary.

The song I chose was " Come Monday" by Jimmy Buffett. It wasn't written for Jimmy Buffet's daughter, but in my heart the song was meant for me and my dad.

My dad introduced me to Jimmy Buffett- first with " Cheeseburger in Paradise" and then introducing me to the rest of his album(s) as time when on.

"Come Monday" is about a man who travels and is away from his love. It always reminds me of my dad, who traveled a lot for work and was away from me (not to mention divorced from my mom).

I always remember the lines " I spent four lonely days in a brown LA haze and I just want you back by my side" and think of my dad, traveling for work, staying in hotels, and missing me.

I remember on our visits, sitting in his lap before he would drop me off, listening to this song and crying. Crying because I didn't wan thim to leave. Crying because I knew how much I would miss him. No matter how few days out of the year I saw my dad, we held a special bond, and no matter what he was only a phone call away and I could talk to him about anything at anytime. To this day- no matter what time it is (even if it's 2 in the morning) he always answers my call.

So, long before I was married, this song was picked out. It symbolized how much time we spent away from each other, how we missed each other and how when we saw each other "Come Monday" it would all be all right.

Even now I can't listen to the song especially the lines " And honey I didn't know, that'd be missing you so, Come Monday, it'll be alright, Come Monday I'll be holding you tight" and " I just can't wait to see you again" without it bringing me to tears. Most of the time when my dad visits I cry when he leaves. I love him and love having him around. I am thankful for the visits he makes to see me and the kids, but I think I'll will always long for that "Monday" to come...

I love you dad.

Thursday, March 22, 2012

I wonder. An ode to an old friend.

There is someone in my life.

Well someone who used to be more actively in my life. I don't think about her everyday, but I think of her often.

We haven't really talked for years and most of the people I know now have no clue of the importance she holds in my life. But she has and always will have a spot in my heart.

It's funny how the heart works, and no matter what length of time has gone by I always considered her more like a real sister than a friend any day. Even though I couldn't tell you her favorite color, or her favorite TV show, or where she works. I have no clue if she's dating someone or what her hopes and dream are... anymore.

But nonetheless she has an irreplaceable spot in my heart.

I miss her.

I wish she knew my daughter, and where I worked and my hopes and dreams. I wish there was a way we could get back to the days of playing in cardboard boxes and forts. There isn't- we're two different people now and we've grown up and grown away.

But I still miss her and wonder if she thinks the same about me.

I wonder if she will read this and know I am talking about her.

I wonder if she knows I forgive her- and that I hope against hope I can be present when she finally meets the prince charming she deserves so badly and decides to say "I Do"

I wonder if she knows I worry about her and think she deserves the world.

I wonder and watch from afar, keep her in my thoughts, and hope she is happy, because she deserves it.

I wonder if she knows how much she deserves it.