Happily Ever After... My Way

Can Ambition Be A Bad Thing?

2012-02-07T22:04:00.003-05:00

Ambition often has a positive association to it.

Being ambitious is a GOOD thing. In order to be something great you NEED ambition.

However, can being TOO ambitious be dangerous? Can it cause you to lose sight of reality and what's practical?

I have extremely high expectations for myself in my career. I want to be extremely successful, I want to be the best. In order to do that I need to take big risks... and I am.

I am doing this for myself and doing this for my family. I could have a mediocre comfortable life in a cushy position, or I can have an extraordinary life in a position that makes me work for every cent, or I could fail miserably and lose it all.

I chose to go for the dream of working hard and living an extraordinary life. The problem with this is that choosing to do this means taking big risks that don't have immediate pay off. Choosing to do something that will be rewarding down the line, but not right away.

The problem with this is I have a family now. I have mouths to feed, people to clothe and put a roof over. I have responsibilities. I wasn't able to take the route of being successful first and having responsibility later. I have all of it at once.

Could my ambition for greatness hurt my family? Can you still chase risky dreams when you have people who depend on you?

I have found myself asking these questions lately. Am I being selfish trying to fulfill my own dream for myself and my family, when I could easily lower my standards and not have so much at stake?

There are big and amazing rewards to be had if I am successful, however there is that chance of falling hard on my face and failing miserably.

Not to be discouraging... but...

2012-02-04T03:26:00.000-05:00

This post is not intended to be discouraging, I am honestly interested in hearing some feedback.

I read a lot of bloggers that talk about when they admitted they had PPD/PPA and all the support they got afterwards. I have advocated for others to immediately tell their doctor, immediately reach out, and know that there is support and you can get better.

Then, I talk about PPA myself... and... silence.

Silence.......

So, does this mean not all moms suffering PPD/PPA aren't created equal? Is it "false advertising" to tell people to speak up with a promise of automatically having a support system?

I'm going to be honest, and it may piss some of you off, but it's the truth.

I have tried to reach out for help... nothing.

I have disclosed the paralyzing fear I feel way too often... nothing.

I have described how these fears and thoughts physically make me ill and make it almost impossibly to sleep... nothing.

I have talked about my lack of sleep due to the constant worry, rapidly beating heart, and nervousness... nothing.

Do I blame anyone for this? No. But, and this is for the apparent small percentage of people who thought they could get help/support/understanding they needed but didn't) It's OK to feel pissed off/furious

There isn't always going to be a huge support system that comes to you with open arms. Sometimes you have to be accountable for yourself and suck it up.

Sometimes, you have to do it on you own.

The good news? You CAN do it alone, is it ideal? No, but it can be done. It may not be easy, it may be lonely, but keep your eye on the prize, STAY STRONG and you'll come out on top feeling proud of yourself for getting through it.

Have you had to be your own personal motivator? How did you help yourself get better?

Dear Lils

2012-01-24T23:11:00.001-05:00

Dear Lils,

This isn't a special day or month or milestone. This is just a letter. I haven't written one to you in awhile. I wanted to be one of those amazing moms who write something every month, or even ever year. I wanted to be one of those moms who filled out your baby book precisely, noted all your milestones accurately, and was all around perfect so you could have a myriad of books and pictures documenting your life.

I am not one of those moms. Before I was a mom, I wasn't that type of person. When I write it's not on a deadline, or because of a special day, it's just happens.

So today, my sweet girl, I write to you not because of a special day or a special milestone, but just because.

Everyday I look at you, I can't believe how beautiful you are, how someone I helped create could be so stunning, even at the young age of 2. It's still so surreal to me. How did I get so lucky?

This definitely has to be my favorite age thus far. I love hearing you say " I love you mommy" I love watching you get excited when I make popcorn, or when you say "cheers" when we eat. I am in awe of how smart you are and love watching the pride in your face as you show off your sign language skills- mommy is so proud of you. I know you are destined for great things... as long as you use your powers for good ;)

There is a quote I read over and over again that is the closest thing that comes to explaining the bond I feel with you:

" No one else will ever know the strength of my love for you. After all, you're the only one who knows how my heart sounds from the inside"

No matter that, no one knows the sound of my heart better than you. No one else knows how it felt when you moved for the very first time, your first hiccup, it's something I cherish and feel so thankful we have these special moments between us. You are my everything. Maybe when you're all grown up I will reveal all of the good you have done for me, but for now I choose to let you in on our little secret and let you know, you make me happy.

Before I go, I also want you to know that I am 100% OK coming in second place to "Dadda." :) Watching the love you have for each other is everything I ever dreamed of. Words won't do my feelings justice- I could never explain how much the relationship between you two means to me.

I love you gorgeous girl. Until next time...

"Kisses and Huggie"

Love,
Mommy

Phew! Weight = Lifted

2011-12-28T18:02:00.004-05:00

I saw this post by baby rabies. It's an older one, but I just came across it recently and felt relieved to find someone else who had "mommy visions" like I had. Not visions of hurting myself or my baby, but "mommy visions." Visions of bad things happening. Impending doom looming over my head, like those rain clouds you see in cartoons that follow the character around and then at random lightning strikes. It's like that.

Lightning strike = mommy vision

With all the PPD/PPA stuff out there I hadn't come across something like this.
I know there are tons of stories out there, but none of them touched on the EXACT feelings I had. Her post, however, was something that really struck a chord within me. Because these "mommy visions" paralyze me all.the.time.

Examples:

Middle of the day stroll to the ladies room then suddenly, STRIKE mommy vision.

Driving home from work STRIKE mommy vision

Thinking about our future family vacay STRIKE mommy vision

I tweeted babyrabies immediately after reading her post and asked her if they ever stopped.

She replied and what stuck out most about our conversation is when she said something along the lines of we have to "trudge through it." When she said those words, I felt like a huge weight had been lifted. If felt good to hear it was "normal" for having to trudge through this anxiety.

If you didn't know already I have severe anxiety that became more recognizable when I became pregnant. I'm not sure if it was caused by pregnancy, since it was an issue I had dealt with for several years, but it got worse the further along I got in my pregnancy and and once I have my baby.

Even in the happiest of times there seems to always an "impending doom" lingering in the back of my mind. Happiness scares the crap out of me because I am so worried that when I settle in the being happy I will be blindsided with some kind of tragedy.

For awhile I thought I was un-fixable because I took all the right steps to "getting better" and still had to deal with this. It felt good to know that someone else who took all the steps to getting better still had to deal with this- like I said it made me feel "normal."

If you're someone who has a similar story please leave a comment or tweet me (@hollshappily) I'd love to hear from others who have felt similar.

My blog is going through an identity crisis

2011-12-27T22:28:00.000-05:00

My blog has been going through an identity crisis.

Is it a mom blog?

Beauty blog?

General Life style blog?

Personal journal?

All of the above?

None of the above?

I have been trying to make this place "into" something. Force this place to be something that just isn't working. Yes this is all my own writing, but with each post I feel like I have a different goal in mind.

For some reason I am writing for an audience. An audience I don't really have and can't really categorize.

I need to write for myself, I skipped a few steps in trying to follow the footsteps of my fellow bloggers who already have a following.

So from this point forward I am going to write for me. Good, bad and ugly.

I wondered if I should even write this post because people might find it weird. But since I am just writing for me and a "wiping the slate clean" post is what will make me feel better so, I'm doing it.

Slate you are officially wiped clean (and just in time for 2012)!

Birthday Parties: Not All Moms Are Created Equally Creative.

2011-10-14T18:32:00.002-04:00

This past weekend we celebrated Lily's 2nd birthday. I had big plans to have the most awesome pink party EVER. I wanted many different varieties of pink candy, a bunch pink balloons, pink hanging decorations, pink garland, everything literally had to be pink. And let's not forget about the glitter, I want cute glitter votive glasses and mason jars and glittery food and on and on and on. Only one of those things ended up happening (thank goodness Lils has an obsession with balloons- the Minnie Mouse ones were an extra special bonus).

I am constantly seeing other moms pulling together these fantastic events, skilled in creating beautiful looking (and tasting)food and DIY decorations- so I thought, why don't I give it a try! So what if I had never done any of this ever before in my life. Who cares if all my attempts at being creative in the past had resulted in a huge ugly fail. This time was going to be different I was going going to succeed!!

Then the week before her birthday party came and I hadn't gotten anything done.

Then the day before her birthday party came and I thought I would be able to squeeze in baking all the cupcakes, cookies and smash cake, make my own icing, decorate the whole house and still have time to make myself look pretty.

This past weekend I realized I am NOT a good party planner. My husband ended up having to ice the cupcakes and put everything else together last minute (thanks hubby!) because it was an hour before the party and I still needed to get ready. At 3:00 I was ready just in time for the guests were arrive and the decorations I bought never got put up. The only glitter was the glitter in my eye shadow and the cake, well, you'll just have to see if for your self:

The cake was supposed to look like this:

But ended up looking like this:

Apparently my definition of "easy" and Wilton's is not the same. Squeezing icing out of one of those bag thingies isn't as easy as it seems- I kept squeezing with the wrong hand and icing was everywhere, and did you know it takes an hour to make icing? Did you know that you should probably put it in the fridge before you decorate with it so it would stick and not be all droopy? You did? Well... I didn't. I had no clue what in the world I was doing and picking Lily's birthday to test it all out was not the best idea.

I was so embarrassed of my work that I hid the cake in the fridge and decided I would not be pulling it out. All day Lils had been asking for cake as she saw me making it and now I was going to have to tell her a cupcake would have to do. Then after a few glasses of sangria, some encouraging white lies, and wanting to keep my word to my daughter I pulled it out.

This is what happened when Lils saw the cake:

She reached for the cake! The ugly, embarrassing mess of a cake I had made. She was over joyed and couldn't wait to dig in.

After her first taste she looked at me and said " Tastes good!" My icing and cake had gotten the picky eater toddler approval.

Did I also mention that because I kept the cake in the fridge it was pretty hard and not all cake smash like? I'd lost track of all my fails by this time.

So, I may not have had the prettiest cake or the most fabulous decorations, but the girl who's birthday we were celebrating was over joyed she got a cake all to herself and was able to play with as many balloons as she could hold. My gorgeous girl was happy that day, and that's what it's all about.

One of the things I got right? Check out Lils' skirt:

It was absolute perfection.

I'd like to thank Danielle from gogirlusa and Teddy's Tiny Tutus for getting this skirt ready and in the mail within 24 hours so I could have it in time for the big day.

Have you ever had a complete creative flop when trying to put on a birthday party or other special event? I'd love to hear stories from other women, like myself, who aren't so creatively talented but try anyways ;)

Pinstripe Suit- Corporate Attire

2011-08-31T15:19:00.002-04:00

Pinstripe Suit- Corporate Attire by holljade featuring leather shoes

Top
$65 - jcrew.com

Women's suiting - Super 120s Pinstripe - 1035 trouser in pinstripe...
$140 - jcrew.com

Women's suiting - Super 120s Pinstripe - Nouvelle jacket in pinstripe...
$240 - jcrew.com

Victoria's Secret leather shoes
$69 - victoriassecret.com

Ok you guys this is my first time posting from Polyvore so I'm still trying to get the hang out it. I also have a chain pearl necklace to wear with this outfit but couldn't link it to polyvore- you can find the style here

This isn't how I dress everyday since my office is business casual, but this would be a typical outfit for days I have interviews, especially with executives (so I guess sometimes it is everyday ;))I always like to add a touch of pink to my outfits (so much so people notice if I'm NOT wearing pink)so the light pink shirt lets me add my style without being overwhelming.

I need to add a fabulous everyday bag to my look but haven't found th perfect one yet. The navy one I had in mind is now out of stock so I am on the hunt again! Any suggestions? My style is classic and simple- leave me a comment or tweet me your ideas!

Work Life Balance Rules- It gets better

2011-08-24T16:45:00.005-04:00

I have been trying to get a handle on work life balance for the past year.

I think I am almost there... maybe.

When I started working after being a stay at home mom my heart ached for my little girl. I would beat myself up with guilt if I missed her bed time or left before she woke up in the morning- or worse left too early and got home too late and didn't get to see her at all. Add that to the mental and physical exhaustion from going back to work and I just about lost it.

It was too much all at once and I didn't know how I was going to survive.

Then I switched jobs. I switched to a place that allowed for flexible hours and I got a position that was closer to home. These were two key things that helped to level me out. Still it took awhile for me to get used to working. Honestly, the physical exhaustion still gets to me, but hey it's better than when I first started out.

So to all you moms out there just going back to work and feeling like this- please know that it gets better. You have to make rules for yourself to ensure you get enough time with the family and yourself. Being bogged down with guilt and stress doesn't help your productivity at work or make you pleasant to be around at home. Here are some of the rules I have made for myself:

If I plan to go into work early, I leave at a decent hour to make sure I kiss my baby girl goodnight (at the very least)

If I know I'll be working late I'll visit at lunch or I'll go in a little later to make sure I get some quality snuggle time.

The weekends, for the most part are family time. I do have a social life, but generally I used the entire weekend to catch up for time missed during the week.

Work for a company that is family friendly- my boss totally understands that family comes first and as long as I am doing my job and performing well there is no issue if I need to take care of family matters.

Choose a position that doesn't make you cry everyday due to stress (uh yea, I made the mistake but only once, but it taught me the importance of work environment, not just $$$)

Go to the gym. I started going to the gym back in April. Sometimes I'll go 5 days a week, sometimes I'll only make it once. Either way I am still taking some time out to do something healthy for me. I can't stress enough that even though this takes time away from work and family, you have to take care of yourself too. Whether it be a hobby, working out, taking a class, whatever- do something for yourself- it will do you a wonder of good.

Give my mind a rest. For me this means scrolling through pinterest, reading through blogs, books or magazines, looking at art, etc. All of this stuff inspires me to work on a non-work related projects such as re-decorating the house, helping me plan my daughters birthday party, picking out necessities for travel, and so on. Sometimes I literally just compile my "Lust List" of things I'd like to buy and that will be that. Other times I will actually create something. Either way I am taking time out to focus on something that is totally not work related, and leaves me feeling relaxed, motivated and inspired.

Do you have any tips on work life balance? Did you struggle when first returning to work after having a baby? I'd love to hear your stories!

Scrub-a-dub-dub

2011-08-22T09:08:00.001-04:00

Let's talk about SCRUBS!

In a previous post I mentioned how much I loved scrubs, so I wanted to share with you my current favorites.

Those of you who are new... I have a slightly unhealthy obsession with Bliss products. Those of you that aren't new... you will continue to see the obsession.

Scrub #1: Super Minty Soap'n Scrub

This scrub is PERFECT for using after an intense workout, when it's crazy hot outside, and or after a long weekend with the girls in the city. It is so refreshing and it has a cooling effect. You know how your mouth feels after you brush first thing in the morning? All nice and clean? Yea that- except for your body. After my weekend in NYC I came home feeling all grimey (hello sharing a room with all my gals, late nights, and city air)and instantly felt better after a scrub session with this.

Scrub #2: Fatgirlscrub

I really enjoyed the scent of this, as well as the way it made my skin feel. I only had a small size of it (I purchased it as part of a "welcome kit" for the fatgirl products) so I didn't get enough use out of it to see the effects on slimming/cellulite. I do plan to purchase a full size one of these, though.

Scrub #3: Blood Orange and White Pepper Sugar Scrub

The smell is this scent is so yummy and summery. This is a gentle scrub, that can be used everyday without feeling like you are doing a major exfoliation. I love using this before I hit the beach or before I go out and enjoy a night in the sweet summer air. It's so light, yet it really gets the job done and keeps my skin smooth.

Scrub #4: Homemade Lavender and Vanilla Sugar Scrub

Unfortunately I don't have a picture or link for this one. One of my friends makes sugar scrubs, and can pretty much make any scent your heart desires. I really like to use this int he winter when my skin is extra dry. This sugar scrub is so moisturizing, I was able to get through last winter without any skin issues. I think she may be planning to sell the scrubs at some point so I will def link to her store once it's all set up.

So there you have it- the current scrubs I am loving and their unique qualities that make it necessary to have more than one!

Do you have a favorite body scrub? Let me know in my comments or tweet me @HollsHappily!

HoneyBelle Bodybuffer: Week 3

2011-08-15T11:13:00.001-04:00

::sneaks in back door::

I know, I know. I'm late again. Last Friday I left for NYC for my best friend's bachelorette party and was busy getting ready and savoring some last minute snuggles with my daughter before I left.

So, now it's been three weeks since I started using the buffer and things are still going great! My skin stays feeling smooth and tight and fabulous! I absolutely love the way my skin looks and feels, the changes are undeniable, yet it doesn't look like I've had anything "done" I just look better... does that make sense?

The biggest change for me has probably been my thighs. They are slimmer and smoother. I didn't have a huge issue before using the machine, but there were definitely some trouble spots that have started to disappear since I've started buffing. I am also impressed my body hasn't completely blown up after the weekend of partyin' with the gals I just had.

This product is a must have. Seriously. Go out and buy it immediately or follow @BelleCoreLLC because as soon as they reach 1500 followers they are GIVING AWAY a babyBelle- I totally wished I had the babyBelle this weekend for when I was traveling and plan to make a purchase in the near future! So start following them and then buy the HoneyBelle and you'll be set for LIFE.

***Do you own the HoneyBelle and/or babyBelle buffers? I'd love to hear about your experiences! Leave a comment or tweet me @HollsHappily to let me know how much you love it!

Must Have Accessory: Sunglasses

2011-08-11T14:05:00.003-04:00

Who doesn't love sunglasses? This is a staple in my wardrobe. I wear them rain or shine, from sun up to sun down. Not only are they a fabulous accessory, but my eyes are ultra sensitive to the sunlight, so wearing them is absolutely necessary.

I like to have more than one pair so that I can coordinate with what I am wearing that day. Here are the three sunglasses that circulate with my wardrobe:

1: The aviator.

These are a classic shape that pretty much looks good on everyone. I usually wear these when I am out and about in jeans and a T-shirt, or heading to the gym on the weekends. Mine are similar to the above picture but with darker lenses and pink tips instead of white. You can purchase these sunglasses at South Moon Under

2. The LVs

These sunglasses look like sophistication for me. I love to wear these when I have an especially important meeting (which happens more often than not) or to add some style when I am bundled up in all black and suits in the wintertime. I feel like a million bucks walking into the office and am ready to conquer the day with these on! You can purchase a similar pair at Louis Vuitton in creme or marron .

3. The "goes with everything."

These are my fav glasses. They are navy blue ::swoon:: just a tad over-sized and look stunning with everything. I wear these the most often. I purchased mine from David Yurman, but again, looks like my color is no longer available. Here are a similar pair.

What sunglasses are you currently rockin'? Do you have an accessory you absolutely must wear everyday?

Sunday Spa Day: Summary and Review Comming!

2011-08-09T13:25:00.001-04:00

Sorry this is a bit late! As I mentioned in my post yesterday, I was super busy last week on vacation with the fam!

Today for Sunday Spa I just wanted to summarize my routine since I split it up into two posts.

1) I use the Conqueror to rid myself of any evidence I wore 3+inch heels all week ;)

2) I step into the shower and get my scrub on with Bliss' Vanilla+Bergamont body buff

3) I rinse off and add some extra moisture with Vanilla+Bergamont Soapy Suds

4) After I dry off I lotion up and slip on my softening socks. I wear these for 20 minutes and when I'm done I feel fresh and fabulous!

This is an easy quick way to turn your home into a spa and give you body with pampering it deserves!

I am also going to add a facial mask to my routine. I have hesitated before because although my skin is normal, it's very sensitive. Straying away from anything but my beloved Neutrogena daily face scrub has turned my face into a danger zone. I have very pale skin so it often look a bit dull, I think a weekly mask is just what it needs to be revitalized and glowing.

Thanks to twitter, I asked @BlissSpa which mask was the best for me. They don't sell travel or sample sizes so I wanted to make sure I bought the right one for my face. I LOVE that they responded (can you tell that responsiveness is the way to my heart;)) asking for specific details about my skin type of the result I was looking for. They recommended I try the Triple Oxygen Mask since I have normal skin and am looking to brighten it up. I am hoping to stop by their place while in NYC this weekend, but if not I will def purchase within the month. I will keep you updated on how I like it!

P.S. it's obvious I have a thing for bliss products. They work well with my skin, I love the way they smell, and they are aesthetically appealing. I do plan to go out and try new products to be more versatile, but I write about what I know and like and the majority of my skin care products just happen to be bliss (because they are AWESOME) Do you have a brand you are completely attached to?

HoneyBelle Bodybuffer: Week 2

2011-08-08T14:04:00.001-04:00

Hello lovelies! I apologize for not having a proper update on Friday for you. I was on vacation and didn't have a chance to get one out.

Last week was a bit hectic. My husband and kids left for OBX on Saturday, then I met them later in the week. Due to travel times, kids and activities I didn't get to buff everyday, so I'm not sure if/how things would be different if I was able to stick to doing it twice a day.

I don't have any major progress to report, but I didn't go backwards either. I managed to stay exactly the same as the week before. The surprising part about this is that I didn't work out, and "indulged" in fattening foods for most of the week. Normally after a week like that I would be crazy bloated, a few pounds heavier and my clothes would feel snug. Even though I didn't buff twice a day everyday- I think using the machine helped me maintain. I really don't have anything else to give credit too, since my diet and exercise were lacking. I am so happy the results were able to last in between days of buffing, especially because I have only used it for two weeks! I feel so thankful for being one of the beauty award winners from Neiman Marcus, even after two weeks of use, I can't imagine NOT owning this product.

Does this mean I will continue to eat poorly and not exercise? No, not at all, but it is nice to know I can have a slip up without completely throwing myself off track. Having that pressure taken off is a huge relief. Not having the guilt has really improved how I think and talk about myself, it's only been week, but it's better than nothing ;) The sooner I can break the negative habit, the better it is for my daughter and that's what matters most, but I am getting off topic now and will have to discuss this more in depth in another post.

Anyways... back to the buffer: I changed up my routine a bit this week and I do butt and thighs at the same time and then stomach. My body is completely used to the machine; it doesn't feel as heavy using it one handed (was I really THAT weak before?!) and is just a breeze to use. I am starting to run low on the contouring creme, the kit comes with a 4 oz tube I'm guessing this is supposed to last the 4 weeks (or 30 days) of buffing? I am probably 3/4 of the way done with the bottle so I need will need to order next week. Luckily they sell an 8 oz size, which will last longer. I think when I purchase more creme I am going to get the optional pad liners as well- just to see what it's like. I have a tendency to get super attached to a company I like and want to buy everything they offer- I can't decide whether I am thankful or sad they don't have a huge product line ;)

Ok, well that's it for last week's update, I'll have this week's update on Friday!

Sunday Spa Day: 2nd Edition

2011-08-01T12:35:00.004-04:00

On this week's Sunday Spa Day I'm talking about how I keep my skin feeling and looking beautiful with exfoliating and moisturizing. I love how refreshed and silky smooth I feel after I exfoliate- this is absolutely necessary for an at-home spa experience!

I am OBSESSED with body scrubs. I use them more than once a week, and have a variety of different scrubs. On Sundays, I take extra time to make sure I get a really good scrub everywhere. During the week my showers are quick and rushed, so I like to have a day where I make sure to get the best scrub I can.

My scrub of choice on Sundays is the Bliss Vanilla+Bergamont Body Buff:

I LOVE this scent. It's warm and cozy and amazing. After using the The Conqueror I step into the shower, without the water on and grab a handful of the body buff. I start with my feet and make my way up, until I am covered, from neck to toe (minus the girly bits). I usually do a final once over to just make sure I get the ultimate scrub then I turn on the water and rinse it away.

I follow this up with some Vanilla+Bergamont Soapy Suds and Body Butter. For the most part I like to keep my scents consistent- it's just a weird quirk of mine.

Are there particular scents you love? What's your favorite body scrub and lotion combination?

I'm thinking of adding another product to the mix, stayed tuned for next week when I sum up my current routine and reveal the new product I am going to try!

HoneyBelle Bodybuffer: Week 1

2011-07-29T12:13:00.003-04:00

Hello Everyone! It's time for my week 1 update on the HoneyBelle Bodybuffer.

You guys... I think I am in love.

First of all, I wrote to the company's customer service department about the issue with my stomach, just in case, and received a response within hours. Not only that but they forwarded my issue to one of the physicians who helped develop the product to give me additional information. I received a response from her the next morning. They explained that I used too much pressure for too long on my stomach and to not use the product on that area for 48 hours to make sure I did not irritate it more. I really appreciated their quick response and advice on how what I needed to do next. Everyone I have spoken with at the company has been so sweet and helpful, I've just had the most wonderful experience with them all around.

Now lets get to the good stuff! For a majority of the time I used the product twice a day- there were a few days I only used it once. My personal preference is to use the product as soon as I wake up. Literally I get out of bed and plug it in. This is a great way to start the day, I felt refreshed and since I started the day thinking about making a healthy decision for my body, it was easier to continue making healthy decisions through out the day. I feel like my entire morning routine has improved just by starting the day using this product.

At night time I prefer to use this right before I go to bed. Because of the vibrations on your skin (I think) everything feels extra soft and silky afterward. I felt like my bed had turned into the W bed (my all time fav)- it was like heaven. Normally, it takes me forever to get comfortable and relax before falling asleep, no matter how much fabric softener or what kind of sheets I have it's just tough for me to relax. Using this machine gets me to that relaxed place and it really felt amazing.

So I bet your dying to know how my body actually looks or the results I have seen? Right? I notice that my skin is much softer and my thighs are smoothing out. Truth be told I do not have a major cellulite problem, but I use this machine as a preventative measure as well. I also notice my midsection feels different. I haven't lost any weight and can't exactly pin point WHAT is different, but there is something. My pants are fitting a tad looser, my skin feels smoother and tighter, they're minimal changes, but they're still there (and hello, it's only been a week!)

I am excited to see how I progress over the next few weeks and look forward to sharing it with all of you!

I'd also like to add that this product goes above and beyond just a cellulite treatment for me. It has really improved my way of life in so many ways, I am completely surprise at how much it has effected me. I love that I have added this to my daily routine and look forward to using it for a very very long time.

Stayed tuned for my week 2 update next week. I should be posting in between so feel free to come back before then as well- upcoming posting will include raves about my favorite products, beauty routines, and more!

Spa Day Sunday: 1st Edition

2011-07-25T09:29:00.002-04:00

It's Sunday and you know what that means.. Spa day! I have a complete Sunday routine that leaves me feeling relaxed and refreshed and fabulous to tackle the week ahead!

For the first edition of Spa Day Sunday I am going to start with the product that transformed my life and brought me to a whole new level of pampering myself....

Bliss Softening Socks!!!

The above image is a set of the Softening Socks and Diamancel #20 the Conqueror I bought this set from NeimanMarcus in case you'd like to try it out for yourself (you totally should). Both are absolutely necessary for velvety soft feet. I started out just using the socks and they worked great, but adding the conqueror really made a difference and made my results last much longer.

Before I get in the shower I use the conqueror to smooth away any roughness, then I hop in the shower and use one of my many scrubs (also by Bliss but I'll discuss those another day :)) to completely exfoliate my entire body and feel silky smooth. Once I get out I slab some lotion (more bliss products- can you tell I'm obsessed?) and slide on the softening socks. After 20 minutes I remove them and my feet are polished, soft and look like they've never seen a high heel in their life- so fab!

In addition to working wonders on my skin, these products are long lasting. The softening socks last for around 50 uses, which is almost an entire year if you only use them once a week. The conqueror (as well as all the of diamancel tools) last forever, and get this... made with diamonds, LOVE IT!

Stay tuned for next week when I discuss more of the products that make Spa Day Sunday so fabulous!

Do you have a set routine to pamper yourself? What are your favorite products to use?

P.S. Bliss did not provide me with these items, or any of the other items I use. The only time I receive products for free is on the rare occasion I win a contest. I have not been asked to write a review and the opinion and motivation for this post are all honest and my own.

HoneyBelle Bodybuffer Product Review

2011-07-22T10:20:00.003-04:00

Hello Everyone! I have wanted to do some product reviews for awhile, but I wasn't sure where to start. Last night I tried out my HoneyBelle Bodybuffer for the first time and thought that might be a good place to start!

This is the HoneyBelle bodybuffer! At first I thought it looked a little intimidating and wasn't sure how loud it would be or how powerful it would be. I wasn't sure about using it twice a day being a busy working mom, so it sat in it's case for a couple of weeks before I decided to test it out. I used it on my thighs, butt, and stomach and here are my thoughts after two uses (one last night and one this morning):

-Using it on my butt was a little tough, I had to do it one handed and my weak little twig arms got a bit tired HOWEVER it felt like a bonus mini work out since I was in constant motion.

-The skin on my thighs immediately felt softer and smoother and some how more toned even after one use! Instant gratification is awesome!

-Last night I used it post work out and it felt amazing on my muscles. I just started incorporating a circuit training routine into my work out and it really helped my sore muscles.

-One problem I found was the when I used it on my stomach I think I applied to much pressure. My stretch marks and area where my belly button ring used to be completely swelled up and my tummy was BRIGHT red.It took awhile for the swelling to go down, but by the time I was in bed it was pretty much gone. This morning when I tried it again my stomach was still tender... I guess I got a little too excited using it on my stomach last night ;)

-After using the machine you are suppose to use the contouring lotion. This stuff smell amazing and isn't too rich. My skin feels perfectly moisturized without being too lotion-y.

-My skin is very fair and very sensitive, using this product did not cause any irritation on my thighs and butt, maybe a little tenderness but nothing uncomfortable.

-The instructions tell you to apply pressure, but don't apply TOO much- or you'll end up in my situation (swelled up stretch marks are even more gross then regular old indented bear claw ones).

All in all, I like this product so far. I really like that even without the toning effects, it relieves sore muscles. Both times I have used it I felt very relaxed and refreshed after which is also a bonus, because I almost never feel relaxed or refreshed (I'm a hotmess).

Also, it's important to note that I am not just using the HoneyBelle Bodybuffer to slim down or tone, I work out and ~~try to~~ eat right, this product is just suppose to help maximize your end result. I'll be back for another update next week!

Interested in trying it out for yourself? Go to: http://www.bellebodybuffer.com/ You can also find this as one of the beauty award winners at NeimanMarcus!

P.S. HoneyBelle did not provide this product to me- I was asked by no one to do a review. The thoughts and opinions AND motivation to write this post are all honest and my own.

The Swimsuit Debate

2011-07-13T10:44:00.000-04:00

Mothers of little girls have some added pressure during the summer months. Bikini or no bikini? This summer in particular (OK it's only the second summer of me being a mom but still) I have noticed an abundance of bikinis for little girls and not much to choose from when it comes to one pieces.

Last year I was die hard and kept to my one-piece promise without hesitation. This year tempation of cute ruffled bikinis has filled my mind more than I care to think about.

"Should I just do it? So many other moms do it, it's OK right?" Then the voice of reason comes through " Bikinis are supposed to be "sexy", do you really want your baby in something "sexy?"

No, no I do not. Saying sexy and my daughter in the same sentence makes me a little queasy. My daughter is a baby girl and will be dressed as such. If this means I have to go through the entire summer with only two bathing suits for her so be it. I'd rather have a less than stellar collection of swimwear than be panic stricken at the beach wondering what perv is checking out my kid in a bikini.

So for this chick- no bikinis. I'm not sure when I will feel comfortable with her wearing one (maybe never?) but as long as I am picking out her bathing suit, I'll be looking in the one-piece section.

The cold hard truth. Thank you, Dr. Seuss.

2011-06-14T21:19:00.002-04:00

There are many many quotes from Dr. Seuss books that can be used to relate to real, adult life. One of his most famous books " Oh, The places you'll go!" is one "quote" in itself. It talks about the highs and lows of life- the book tells you like it is.

One part in particular really got to me:

"I'm afraid that some times
you'll play lonely games too.
Games you can't win
'cause you'll play against you."

I am my own worst critic and I break myself down. I am my own worst disappointment and the biggest mistake I've ever made. These are my lonely games, the games I play in my head, when I'm thinking of what I should have done, how I should have done it and why. When I am beating myself up until I am raw and just cry. I'm not easy to please, especially when you are me. I put the bar way to high where I know I can't reach it, and then watch in disgust as I try and fail and end up defeated. It's a sick game I'm sure many of us play and I'm never going to get anywhere if I continue to play this way.

"All Alone!
Whether you like it or not,
Alone will be something you'll be quite a lot.
And when you're alone, there's a very good chance
you'll meet things that scare you right out of your pants.
There are some, down the road between hither and yon,
that can scare you so much you won't want to go on. "

This. Exactly this. I wasn't sure where I was going to go with this because I just feel like this explains how I have felt, what I have gone through and what I still deal with. I have tried to write and expand on this quote and I just find it hard. I have surrounded myself with amazing people, and appreciate them more then they will ever know. But at the end of the day it's just me that I'm with, I know what I'm living more than anyone else, it's me, just me, all on my own. I've been that frightened, and had that paralyzing fear. I've wanted to yell "STOP" and just take a rest, I couldn't keep up with life, I just couldn't catch my breath.

"But on you will go
though the weather be foul.
On you will go
though your enemies prowl...
Onward up many a frightening creek,
though your arms may get sore
and your sneakers may leak.
On and on you will hike
And I know you'll hike far
and face up to your problems
whatever they are."

And on I did go, and still do everyday.

I Miss You Gorgeous

2011-05-16T09:37:00.001-04:00

Hello My Gorgeous Girl,

You are so big now I can hardly believe my eyes. You're 19 months old and I so desperately want to freeze time. I miss you like crazy, babygirl, even though right now you are only one room away.

I've been back at work for 9 months and instead of getting easier, it just gets harder to be away from you. I want nothing more than to be with you all day every day, to watch you grow and learn. It kills me when I get home just in time to kiss you goodnight, or when I get home after you've already fallen asleep especially on days I don't get to see you before I leave for work. I long for the weekends when you and I can be together all day, where I get to eat breakfast, lunch and dinner with you. During the week I try and remind myself that I'm working towards your education, the fun vacations we'll get to take, a new house, and being able to give you and your brother pretty much anything you want :)

When I start to worry about how my being at work all day will effect our relationship, these are a few of the things make me smile:

When you're upset I can pretty much always make you feel better by saying " Come on babygirl let's go pick out a purse to wear!" I love how you take my hand and smile with excitement as we walk down the hall to my room and you are able to pick out any purse you like.

I recently bought you your first pair of over-sized sunglasses. When I came home and told you I had sunglasses for you the joy in your face made me tear up. I have never seen you so excited to receive a gift.

Hearing you say "Mamaaaaa!!!" There is an old work badge of mine that you found and carry around, pointing at it saying "mama, mama, mama" it just melts my heart.

Hearing you say "dada" It's so strange but sometimes I'll just sit back and watch you and daddy play staring in awe of how much you love each other. Most of the time when you are sad or when you first wake up you say "dadaaa"and it's so adorable I can't even take it. You don't like to go to bed without saying good night to him. When you wake up and he isn't there you look and ask for him- you're a true daddy's girl.

Hearing you say "Teeeee" You absolutely adore your brother and without a doubt, no matter what, seeing him makes you happy. You could have no toys, no binky, no blankey, and would still be content as long as TT is around.

Hearing you say "no" the way you say it is just so cute I can't even describe it- ask daddy :) Actually, just hearing you talk makes me smile. You are constantly saying new words and without fail it amazes me. You are so smart, and so quick I can't even believe it. The things you know and understand are really just amazing, I am so proud of you.

Hugs and kisses, hugs and kisses. I could kiss those chubby little cheeks all day and all night. I can never get enough.

Some of the things you are loving right now are: Minnie Mouse (meemeee) Elmo (melmo) your blankeys, playing basketball and making slam dunks with daddy, purses, sunglasses, dancing and singing, reading and I could go on and on and on!

Right now, I really miss you babygirl. If it wasn't for the fact you have trouble sleeping anywhere beside the crib or PnP I would scoop you into my arms and bring you into my room to sleep. The weekend just goes by too fast and soon enough I'll be rushing out the door Monday morning, hoping the day flies by so I can rush home to be with you before you fall asleep.

I love you gorgeous, I hope you're having sweet dreams.

Love,
Mamaaaaaa

Waist Sweatband, No Gym Required Shoes, and a Gym Memebership

2011-04-11T15:13:00.000-04:00

Hello again! I'm back, for today, with a weightloss post (did you expect anything else?)

I decided to stop posting until I had something positive to say, something with substance other than my usual whine.

In the middle of March my husband joined a gym that is super close to our house and costs $10 per month with a $1 start-up fee. He also decided to get serious about eating healthy and working out. This has been more beneficial to me than anything ever before. I joined the same gym two weeks after and jumped back on the bandwagon. We are both going through this together, and although we have different struggles and different ideas of how we want our bodies to look, our end goal is to be healthier and in shape.

I bought some new shoes just for the occassion! It's a bit ironic because they are called " No Gym Required" and I started wearing them after joining a gym, but I really like them AND you can add weighted insoles to burn even more calories (I haven't added the weight insoles yet).

I also wear this waist slimmer belt, not sure if it helps to slim my waist but it sure does make me sweat more!

I like to work out in the mornings, my alarm is set for 4:45 so I can hopefully be out of the house by 5:15, get in an hour work out and be home by 6:30 so Joe can drop T off at school or so that he can go to the gym. 4:45 sounds early but it is worth it for the following reasons:

*I feel more tired when I sleep in until my regular time.
*All I have to do is throw on gym clothes and head out the door.
*Working out in the AM give me energy, working out in the PM makes me feel like I'm going to die.
*I have more time with my family when I work out in the morning.

I usually have a tablespoon of peanut butter and some water before I go workout. When I get back I make myself a whey protien drink, which helps sustain my energy.

So far, I have only done cardio at the gym, I am adding in strength this week. My current routine has been doing C25K then walking on an incline for a 1/2 hour. I like my current routine, but I know it's not the most efficient use of my time, so I will be cutting the last 1/2 hour of cardio out and replacing with with a power circuit.

I am still using Jackie Warner's " This is Why You're Fat" book as a guide for both exercise and diet. She offeres a couple different circuit routines so that my body won't get comfortable just doing the same thing over and over. As for the diet, she has a section of foods that you are supposed to "add in" to your current diet. I am going to make this a staple of what I need to eat everyday so that I am getting all the nutrients I need.

I am taking this whole thing very slowly and not forcing myself to lose weight every week. Instead I am focusing on getting in the habit of working out and eating right.

Here's to being healthy!

***P.S. I have a question for those that have done or are currently doing the C25K: Did you stay on week 2 longer than the program advises? I can barely finish the jogging intervals by the end of the program!******

This is not Inspiring.

2011-03-20T00:03:00.001-04:00

I found myself saying, quite frequently. "I had a baby {insert number of months} ago" or "well I've had a kid so..." or something along those lines and it always felt so... dishonest. Because honestly if you work your ass off and eat right you can look like a super model after you have a baby ::ducks from stones being thrown:: seriously... it's possible.

Truth be told? I look pretty much the same as I always have, minus the claw marks and the odd looking pooch/bellybutton (I've always had a pooch but now it has a new look thanks to my abs separating :)). Having a baby didn't give me love handles. Having a baby didn't give me a pooch or any of the other issues I have with my body.

I did this all on my own. For the past ten years I have grabbed handfuls of flab in disgust. For the past ten years I have yo-yo dieted. For the past ten years I have never seen real results. EVER. It's easy to use the excuse "well I'm a mom now soooo..." but really that isn't to truth, and anytime I DO use it I just feel so sucky about it because like I said, it just isn't true.

I am the way I am because of me. Because I don't know how to motivate myself to actually get the results I want. Because I don't know how to accept my body for the way it is. Because I don't know how to just be happy being me. I am 100% average. Not over weight, not super model skinny. I am smack dab in the middle of my healthy body range. I am average. on top of being average I'm really flabby, hence the handfuls of skin/fat I can grab off my body. Not to mention the jiggle effect (which is evermore enhance by the fact I am so pale I'm almost transparent).

I'm not sure why the fact that I feel so disgusted with myself hasn't motivated me to work out more and eat healthy regularly. I'm not sure why none of the 100000 weight loss programs or rather "life style" changes I have tried haven't worked.

I hate looking at myself in the mirror and the way my clothes fit. Why the hell haven't I been able to do something about it. FOR TEN YEARS NONETHELESS! It's frustrating. When is something going to click? When am I going to put eating rgiht and exercising before wanting to lay on the couch and veg out bc I've had a bad day or because I've had an awesome day or because I'm just lazy?

What the hell is it going to take for it to "click" for me.

I know there are so man other woman who feel this way... there has to be.

Maybe I need to save up and get a nutritionist/ ]healthy coach. I have spent the past ten years trying to take the most inexpensive easy way out. Maybe I really do need to invest in something?

Maybe I need to stop spending time making a plan and just "doing"

No matter what my next move is... it will be with my end goal in mind. Something, at some point has to work... right?

This pity party is getting old and each year that passes makes it that much more pathetic.

There's always an event

2011-02-14T11:43:00.000-05:00

So one of the exceptions to my diet is that there are no rules when it comes to special events. Apparently special events aren't as sparse as I first thought. In fact almost every week there has been a "special event." If I allow my self to always indulge on a "special event" I'll never really diet.

Luckily for me, even with the special events of the past week, I did not gain. Actually, I lost 1/2 a pound which was surprising considering what I ate this weekend. My clothes are feeling tighter (as well as my rings) because of the amount of salt I had. It's crazy that even just one day of eating too much salt and I can feel a difference.

I kept up with my water intake and decreasing alcohol. I worked harder on my strength training. I also do random sets of squats or lunges throughout the day. I know it won't give me huge results but doing a set of squats is better than not doing them, right? Adding a three random sets of squats to the three I do during strength training equals six sets for that day- so when you add it all up I've doubled my work out. I do them when I am talking to the hubs, or when I am filling up a cup of water. I do walking lunges around my kitchen holding Lils. Just little additions like that. I really feel like it helps me not gain. I know I need to add in cardio (and a better diet) to see real results faster, but for now this is what is working.

My current strength routine consists of this:

Squats (12= 1 set)
Resistance band floor work- 1 set of three is actually three different "sets" of movements. I can't figure out how to explain it on here, I may need to find some pictures.
Chest flies (15= 1 set)
Bicep curls (15= 1set)
Tricep curls (10= 1 set)
Walking lunges (10 for each leg =1 set)

I do this routine three times for a total of three sets. Because I am weak and take a few seconds for breaks a lot it adds up to 20 minutes. I hope to add more to the routine as I get stronger and be able to make it through with less breaks. I use 4lb dumbbells for the chest fly, bicep curl and tricep curls. I am going to add the weights to my squats and lunges this week as well.

I also wear a band around my waist that makes me sweat. I'm not sure if it's really that effective in toning, but it really does make me sweat more and keeps my stomach tight during the work out. I'll post the products I use at some point :)

How did you do this week? What does your routine look like?

Today was my lucky day.

2011-02-11T23:01:00.000-05:00

Ten minutes. I get ten minutes of perfection with my daughter each night. During her bedtime routine we turn on Sprout just in time to watch the pajanamals sing their lullaby and Nina do the good night poem and song. I wish I could stretch this block of time out for hours. Lils knows when it's time for bed and asks for her binky, collects her blankey, minimouse and bear. Then looks over at me and I say "wanna come sit with momma?" She smiles and runs over to me.
RUNS.
She runs to me.

She.Runs.To.Me.

I make such a big deal about this because any other time of day? She doesn't run to me so much. She runs to daddy. If I get the privilege of getting Lils out of her crib in the morning she looks past me, looking for daddy. When I try and take her from his arms? She turns and holds tightly to him. She is OBSESSED with him- a true daddy's girl.

Then there are those ten amazing minutes that she is mommy's precious girl. Bedtime is my time. At bed time she comes and sits with me with her blankey and stuffed animals. At bed time she chooses me. And if I'm having a REALLY lucky day? She'll snuggle.

Today was a really lucky day. Because today was a really lucky day and a Friday my daughter went to bed 1/2 an hour past her bed time. Messing with her routine may make things crazy for tomorrow but I know I won't regret it. You just don't regret spending extra time holding your child. You just don't.

Today was my lucky day.

I Surrender

2011-02-07T13:07:00.000-05:00

Alright everyone I FINALLY surrender.

I have officially cut back on diet soda. I know that this piece of advice has been around for many many years but I just couldn't take it seriously. I always thought I got a decent amount of water, that because the soda I was drink had no calories that it was basically the same thing, and because hearing "drink more water" made me angry.

It probably started when I got pregnant and every time I would call my doctor with an issue and I'd get " drink more water." I HATED IT. My belly button felt like it was going to pop off of my body and I was told drinking water will help it? Well much to my twisted satisfaction a whole day of non stop drinking (which resulted in A LOT of peeing) and my belly button still felt like it was going to pop off. Turns out it was growing pains and I just had to deal with it... and make sure I drink enough water.

So anyways, that's how my "thing" with water started. I suppose I felt the need to prove to everyone that drinking more water is NOT the answer. I would think to myself oh I drink enough water, I don’t need to cut back on soda lalalala I'M NOT LISTENING TO YOUR ADVICE. Not to mention my work has a FREE fountain soda machine. FREE. I can have as many sodas as I want and spend NOTHING. It felt wrong NOT to take advantage (admittedly it still does).

In my desperation to find more energy I decided to give in. Like, REALLY give in this time. There are many different suggestions on how much water you should drink, I go with 1/2 of your weight in oz. I need 60 oz of water a day, and round it up to 64 because I drink out of 16 oz cups. I allowed myself one soda a day after I had consumed at least 1/2 of my daily intake. Usually I didn't even finish the soda; but it was nice to still have the option. It's a hell of a cut back considering what I was drinking before which was equal to what my water intake should be.

What a difference I saw. I DID have more energy. The headaches I usually get? Not as bad. I felt less bloated and even had less trouble waking up in the morning. So looks like I would have saved myself a lot of time and trouble if I would have just given in the the world's simplest piece of advice "drink more water"

Let's recap this week, the good:

More water

Real strength training workouts using my resistance bands and 4lb weights, doing squats and lunges and stretching

No weight gain

Feeling less tired

The bad:

Awful diet. JUST AWFUL. I had a HUGE craving for carbs this week and couldn't get enough of them. The bads ones. I really need to be more diligent about making a meal plan and preparing it over the weekend because during the week I am ALWAYS strapped for time and end up grabbing what's easiest or waiting to buy lunch at work- which costs more and I always choose something that isn't healthy.

Still no cardio. I have no excuse. Actually I have a ton... but I'm sure you're tired of hearing them :)

How did you do this week? Did you finally give in to a piece of advice you have been trying to avoid?

*****Also early morning worker-outers PLEASE comment- I'd like to discuss morning motivation with you****

Perfect.

2011-01-26T08:00:00.009-05:00

" Pretty, pretty please don't you ever ever feel less than perfect" -Pink

Normally I think it's cheesy when people quote current pop songs, but tonight while I was watching my beautiful baby twirl and dance to this song these words made my throat tight and my eyes water.

Dear Lils,

You are perfect. You are gorgeous and so incredibly smart it scares me. You love to dance, pick up clumps of dog hair to give to me to throw away, and you hate to have your hands dirty. You love to snuggle with your blankies and soft stuffed animals. You're independent and strong and give kisses in exchange for snacks. You like to brush your teeth and refuse to eat the same food two days in a row. You're feisty and mouthy and not afraid to demand you get what you want. You make me smile everyday, you melt my heart and I am so thankful I am the lucky mommy that gets to call you my little gorgeous girl.

You're Perfect. Do you know that? Will you promise me that you will always remember that? Even if one day you're heart gets broken? Even if one day a friend turns their back on you? Even if you start to think that outfit makes you look fat? Even if you feel lonely and like no one understand you, please promise me.

And Lilybear... if you find yourself having trouble remembering, there are at least two people that are ready to remind you, at not even a moments notice, how perfect you are.

I love you baby girl.

Baby Steps

2011-01-24T14:39:00.001-05:00

I'm just going to jump right into it.

Things I changed:

Cut back on the alcohol. I did as I planned as only have a drink once during the week and one the weekend.

Strength Training? I put a question mark because I didn't have a full 20-30 minute chunk of non-stop working out. I did squats, walking lunches and the resistance band when I could for short increments. It's not much but it's more than I was doing before.

Issues:

Working out first thing in the morning. I was able to do it for two weeks a few months ago and ever since I didn't think it would be so hard to start up again. I just can not find the energy to get up and do it. I'm not sure how to tweak this plan because working out at home after work is the last thing I want to do- I want to come home and spend time with my family. I may need to just suck it up and work out after work- I mean I know it's only 20-30 minutes but still.

I had two slices of cheesecake this weekend. I should have only had one if any. They were small but still pack a lot of calories and fat.

Not enough water. We have a FREE fountain soda machine at work. It's tough to pass that up! I originally planned to alternate diet soda and water through out the day but I have been so busy I haven't stuck to it.

Major Issues:

I am EXHAUSTED. I feel tired all the time. and not just a little tired, but the kind of tired where you feel so heavy you can't move, your head hurts, every movement feels like it's taking everything out of you. It's one of the worst feelings. It's also one of the reasons I have trouble working out in the morning. I know how hard it will be to move my muscles and how stiff they will be. It takes me at least an hour and a 1/2 to fully wake up. I really don't get it. I have a flex schedule so I don't have to be at work super early. I get decent nights sleep. Especially this week because I pretty much cut out alcohol and ate better. My husband lets me sleep in on the weekend and doesn't fuss when I fall asleep/tell him I need a nap. So I really don't get why I am THIS tired. I mean I know there are woman who work harder, and get less sleep that are able to get by better than I am. If you have figured out the secret to more energy- please share it with me!

I am also over working myself. It's been tougher than I thought to have work life balance. The way things are currently a 40 hour work week might as well be considered part-time. I actually feel guilty on those rare days I can leave the office after a mere 8 hours. I just get on a roll at work and don't want to stop (especially since it takes so long to get going in the AM). I always need to stay at work just "one more hour." Then go home and need to "finish some things up" for another 2-4 hours. I work 10 minutes from home there is no reason I should be walking in the door at 9:30 at night. FFS I have even thought to myself "If I could just work till midnight every night this week it would take a huge load off." It's just too much.

Things to improve this week:

MORE WATER!!!

Block off time to work out for 20-30 minutes straight at least once a day five times this week.

Cut back on the work load. Try to leave work at 6:30pm at the latest!

Here's to taking baby steps that eventually turn into major progress!

The Magic of Boston

2011-01-23T20:51:00.000-05:00

So I didn't get as many pictures as I'd like, but here is a slight peak into our weekend in Boston!

I Heart W Hotels. If I thought I could ever afford it, I would totally start saving up to live in one.

The W bed. I will buy one of these one day.

My favorite seat.

NYE. I was the only one wearing pink in the whole place- love it! My face looks kinda funny but it was the best of the three pictures we took that night. We suck at taking pictures.

Our last night there. I want to go back so badly!!

I Heart January

2011-01-23T00:56:00.000-05:00

This time a year ago blogging was like therapy to me. I love picnik-ing pictures, coming up with things to write. I was hopeful for the change my wedding day would bring me. I worked out daily at 4:00pm while Lils napped. I had escaped the fog that is the first three months of a colicky baby and had come up with a super mom routine and really like it was all coming together. This was the Month of January. Although January is in the dead of winter it is one of my favorite months. It's refreshing, hopeful, and forgiving.

This year I feel no different. I start off the new year with a weekend away with my husband. Just us. It was time we so desperately needed. This weekend was "care free" which is oh so rare these days. I fell asleep before midnight on NYE. WE SLEPT IN TILL 10:00AM. We held hands as we walked down Newbury street and I napped without worry; it felt amazing. We had no itinerary to follow, no need to worry about timing, we could just... enjoy. It was beautiful in Boston that weekend.

January is hopeful and lovely. As this month comes to a close, I have a sinking feeling of anxiety about the other 11 months. Will I still get a sickening feeling with the first scent of fall? Will I ever NOT feel disgust with the summer? Will I be able to keep the feeling of excitement I get when the first sign of spring comes around? January fills me with so much promise of a better, more successful year but as the month fades to February I wonder if I will slowly but surly lose steam and enter the vicious cycle of the remaining 11 months.

McFatty Monday Take 103

2011-01-17T13:19:00.001-05:00

Here I am a year later and I haven't made much progress. I have lost and gained 10 pounds over and over again. Something HAS to work right??? I feel like I have been trying so hard and nothing is working/sticking.

Then I talked to my husband about it. This is what he said:

"You really haven't been trying your hardest"

Taken aback by all the goals I have listed and different plans I have tried out this past year I started to open my mouth and defend myself and then I realized... he was right.

Although I have tried numerous plans and have been motivated to start those plans. I haven't stuck to anything. Even the month and a half I did the 30 days shred, I still wasn't eating as well as I should have. I have really been giving it 1/2 my effort even though I claimed to be giving it 100%. I am the QUEEN of giving excuses and that it precisely what I have been doing.

So again, I am here to state my goals, rules, and plans in the hopes that something will stick. I started off by giving my giving my husband full permission to comment and question my food choices and exercise. I listed out my goal and plan so we would both be on the same page. I hope that having a partner in this to help keep me accountable on a daily basis will really help me stay motivated and"just do it"

My Goal:

To be bikini ready for my honeymoon in 3 1/2 months. I have a deadline- it's not longer "I just want to be healthy." That goal wasn't working, it was too vague. I am someone who needs structure and deadlines.

The plan:

Exercise: Cardio for 20-30 minutes (depending on how much time I have) 5 days a week. 20-30 minutes of strength (squats, resistance band, etc.) 5 days a week. Ideally I would like to do the cardio in the mornings before work and the strength when I come home.

Food: For breakfast I have oatmeal with strawberries or frosted mini wheats. Lunch will be a mixture of yellow and red peppers, cucumbers, tomatoes, feta and chicken. For snacks I am going to have things like hard boiled eggs, whole grain english muffin with peanut butter (or almond butter if I can get it) and strawberry jam, nature valley's granola bars, and dried fruit. Dinner will be some kind of chicken or pasta but I will watch my portions.

Changes to make:

Less alcohol. I like to enjoy a drink after work and on the weekends. It's relaxing and now it's kind of a habit. I don't drink a lot, maybe one or two- but it still kills my energy and adds to my exhaustion. I am allowing myself a drink or two during one week night and then one night on the weekend. I am replacing my nightly drink with a nightly cup of de-caf tea. That way I still have a relaxing drink to enjoy at the end of the day, but it isn't damaging to my health or energy.

No break on the weekend. I will not being taking a diet break on the weekend.I think this is one of the top things that hindered my ability to stick with any kind of program. One weekend would run into the next week and the week after that and so on.

Some things to work on:

Waking up the same time everyday, even on weekends. I have been having trouble waking up early (except for my stint at my job from hell). I read if you wake up at the same time everyday, it makes it easier. I am lazy as hell and could sleep my life away- this is a BIG change that needs to happen.

More Water. 'nuff said.

Exceptions:

Special occasions I can indulge myself. There is no way I will be able to pass up more than one helping of crab cake /crab dip/crab at a wedding- I'm from MD- it's almost illegal to do so. Being able to eat delicious food at special occasions is just something I am not ready to compromise on. Maybe I will be able to watch my portion sizes, or not eat 5 of everything offered, but I am not setting any rules just yet.

So... here I go ::fingers crossed::

I don't give up, I just take a break.

2010-12-22T13:51:00.000-05:00

My last post I talked about my new exercise plan... again. I have "taken a break" from it... again. I Get SO motivated and then all of a sudden something happens to throw me off track.

I have not been following Jackie Warners diet plan no matter how AWESOME I think it is and how much I WANT to be able to do it. I WANT to be able to chop up all my veggies and make all my egg and bag oatmeal for the week- I do I really do. Then Sunday comes around and I... I... I don't even have an excuse I'm just lazy. Can you fix lazy? If so, please tell me how.

Then there's the exercising. I actually was OK with exercising int he morning- I felt better throughout the day. Then one more I over slept and it snow balled fromt here. It is SO HARD for me to wake up early. Some people can just do it because they are awesome. I, however, am lazy. Working out after work is just out of the question, my baby girl is still awake for a few hours when I get home and I want to spend it with her- not exercising then recovering for an hour then showering then damnit it's time for her night routine.

So basically anyone coming to this blog for a good review of a diet/exercise plan isn't going to find what they are looking for. There are no fast, long lasting results with me. Yet. I'll still be updating as I go from one plan to the next and hopefully along the way I will find something that works.

That's what it's all about, right? Finding something that works and sticking to it. I hope I find that "something" soon.

Week 2 and ta-da!!!

2010-12-13T09:51:00.002-05:00

So it's week two of my proclaimed new healthy life and... last week was a fail. I forgot that my BFF and I had plans to go to Bluemercury, our favorite boutique's Holiday party and catch some drink afterwards. There was no way I wasn't going to fully enjoy this night so I broke my diet in several ways. The next day I woke up feeling awful and the rest of the week through the weekend I was sick. I am hoping to get back on the horse for a good work out tomorrow morning and hopefully the rest of the week. I didn't weigh myself this morning due to running super late for work (even though I managed to make it in with a few minutes to spare) but my pants still feel a bit too tight for comfort. I have my honeymoon in a few months and I need to keep drilling in my head how awful I'll feel if my body looks the way it does now.

On another note, notice anything different??? I decided to give my blog a makeover with the help and talent of Becca from Jumping Jax Designs! She is super sweet and was really amazing to work with, no matter how nit-picky I was :)

I think it's absolutely fabulous, how do you like my new look???

Day 1 on The Road to a Better Healthier Me.

2010-12-06T09:53:00.000-05:00

Today is my start to a new, better, healthier me. My Inspiration? Jackie Warner's book "This is Why You're Fat." Jackie outlines a diet and exercise program that is effective and simple enough to be sustainable for more than just a few weeks. I wanted to follow her plan exactly to the "T" however; I haven't ventured in the protein shake and creatine arena. I feel like eating healthy (as she suggests) will be enough for ME and I won't need the extra shakes and vitamins. I mean maybe I'll buy some vitamins next grocery shopping trip, I suppose it couldn't hurt but it wasn't one of my priorities.

SO let's get to the good stuff. It's all about numbers so I need to give you guys my stats. I went back and fourth about whether or not I wanted to post them, but then I realized if people don't see the numbers and see the progress it's really just a bunch of fluff. I stepped on the scale and measured myself this morning pre-workout:

Weight: 126.5

Chest: 35.5

Waist: 28

Hips: 35.5

Bicep: 9.5

Thigh: 22

I wanted to take a before picture, but just didn't have the time.

For the next two weeks I will be doing 20 minutes workouts on the Elliptical. Per Jackie's book here's the work out:

3 minutes moving fast incline between 1-5
3 minutes incline 5+
1 minute lowering incline to between 1-5 moving at a comfortable pace

Repeat three times (OK so that equals 21 but you get the idea)

Today was the first time I had tried that specific work out and boy oh boy did it make a difference.

Now exercise isn't the only change I am making. I am also eating better (Hopefully thsi will stick). Here is my meal plan for today- I wanted to create one for the week but... baby steps.

Breakfast: 2 eggs (was suppose to also have oatmeal but I was running late)

Morning Snack: Apple

Lunch: Baby spinach and red tomato salad with turkey and part-skim mozzarella cheese

Afternoon Snack: Yellow peppers

Dinner: Grilled chicken and a yam. I will also have to add in some oatmeal because I need to eat one cup of it a day.

Another big part of the new diet is no caffeine (AHHH) and drinking water with lemon juice (YUM) so I have a big water bottle filled with water and a fresh squeezed lemon.

Are you starting a new diet/exercise program? What are some of the things you are doing to make your lifestyle healthier?

Have you thought about adding an outfit of the day (OOTD) section to your blog? That would be fun to read about.

2010-11-30T10:59:00.001-05:00

I have thought about it, and think it's a great idea! I will probably start doing posts like that in the new year.

Ask me anything

Day Two

2010-11-30T10:12:00.000-05:00

I did it again! I woke up and got on the elliptical before work this morning!

I'm not sure if I will update EVERDAY but today I was really excited because:

1) I "ellipticalled" a mile 1 minute and 30 secdonds quicker than I did yesterday

2) I GOT UP AGAIN TODAY

It makes me feel like this could be do-able. We'll see after three weeks if I still have the same motivation :)

A few things I'm concerned about:

1) Pushing myself. I am notorious for taking the easy way out, and not pushing myself. How do you push yourself?

2) Consistancy. I am also notorious for not finishing what I started. I am hoping to to make this a life style change instead of a temporary thing. For those that have been exercising daily for awhile how do you keep it consistant?

Also anyone out there strictly use an elliptical? How are your workouts? Any tips or trick of the trade you can offer up?

I am always open to suggestions so don't hesitate to reach out!

Day One of Pre-Week

2010-11-29T09:34:00.001-05:00

Long story short (and I will get the the long story at some point) I went back to work in August. I got what I thoguth was my dream job.... oh boy was I wrong. My job was very high stress and so time consuming I didn't eat very much and ended up losing a bunch of weight- but not in a healthy way. Three months later I had enough of it and found a new job- one that doesn't have me in tears before the work day begins, and also one that allows me time to eat. I gained all of my weight back and would really like to try this whole be healthy thing again. It's important to me and I need to start making it a higher priority.

This bring me to "Pre-Week." The week before I actually start my diet and exercise program. I'm jumpin' back on the Jackie Warner "This is Why You're Fat" bandwagon, and hoping to do it right this time. After this weeks grocery shopping trip I will have all the proper food to eat and will be able to follow the plan more correctly.

The pre-week is my way of not allowing myself to spend ANOTHER week indulging and not working out. Since I don't have everything I need to properly follow Jackie's program I decided I'd spend this week doing what I could and hopefully preparing myself for pre-work, work outs every morning. I am not dieting this week- so I don't expect this to add towards any weight loss, but the sooner I can get into a routine of working out in the morning the better.

So day one- I already woke up giving my self excuses " the baby woke you up int he middle of the night it's OK if you don't do it" "You're already a 1/2 hour behind you might be late for work, it's OK if you do do it" "Just do ten minutes" Just do 15 minutes" and so on. For some reason, today I was able to overcome those objections and push through a 20 minute work out on the Ellipical. I may not be able to do it everyday, but I did it today and that is worth something.

Thankful :)

2010-11-25T12:29:00.002-05:00

This is by far one of my favorite days of the year, the parade, the food, tradition, warm fuzzies- I love it all. It's amazing to reflect on all of the things I have in my life and take some time to be thankful for it.

I am thankful for my family and friends and their unconditional love and support for me. I really feel like I have found the "true" people in life and I appreciate them more than they will every know.

I am thankful that this year is better than the last. That even though life has gotten harder, it has also gotten better. That I am more comfortable with who I am now, than I was before.

I am thankful that I found the love of my life. That the love I always dreamed about really exists.

I am thankful to be the mother of the most beautiful baby in the world. I am thankful she is happy and healthy. I am thankful she gives kisses, and laughs and has the cutest cheeks on earth. I am thankful for the person she has made me become. I am thankful I get to wrap my arms around her every day and kiss her cheeks. I am thankful for her.

I hope you all have a Happy Thanksgiving!!!!

Formspring Question: What is your typical makeup routine? And, do you have any "must have" products?

2010-11-24T16:31:00.003-05:00

I put on Concealer if needed, then foundation, eye shadow, eye liner, mascara, lipstick then lip gloss. All the products I use on a daily basis are my must haves- they are:

Concealer: Bobbi Brown's Face Touch up stick

Foundation: Bobbi Brown's Skin Foundation (I just recently tried Natural Finish Long Lasting Foundation and really like that as well!)

Eye Shadow: Bobbi Brown's pink shimmer brick ( a few different shades to choose from can also be used for an all over glow)

Eye Liner: Bobbi Brown's metallic black gel eye liner

Mascara: CoverGirl Volume lash- I also like Dior show, but usually get cover girl out of convenience.

Lipstick: Mac Politely Pink

Gloss: Mac (it's a nude color but not sure of the name)

Ask me anything

Be Back Soon.

2010-11-24T12:07:00.000-05:00

I took a bit of a breather- I needed a break. Life sped up so quickly.

I promose to catch you all up with the past few months in posts to come!

I'm coming back just in time for a nice Thanksgiving post- I'll leave you with a peak at Lils enjoying her FIRST Birthday Party (I can't believe it's already been over a year!!!)

Letters to Myself

2010-07-03T22:33:00.003-04:00

Everyone else is doing it! Since this new trend of writing letters to one's self has come around, I haven't been able to stop thinking about it. I have tried to avoid it, because, well writing letters to my past self might be a tad painful. However, once I get something stuck in my mind I HAVE to talk about it or it just stays there and festers. Festering is never good.

Dear Holls- 12 years old:
When she asks you to eat pizza in the room with her, do it. You can watch the new episode of "Hey Arnold" another time. You'll regret not eating dinner with her that night, forever.

Dear Holls- Age 14
You are about to enter high school. Many of the people you meet in the next four years will still be there for you at your wedding. Take life slow, enjoy the fact you are ditzy and funny and smart and don't try to be someone you're not- it ends up getting you into trouble. You are charming the way you are... the sooner you learn that the better you feel. Like I said before many of the friends you make will be at your wedding... they like you for you no matter what.

Dear Holls- Age 16
Something happens this year that makes you lose your trust (in anyone and everyone). He gets help and you stay in touch and actually become/remain friends. What happened stopped being painful by the time you turn 17, so really, holding your trust hostage for the rest of your life is just plain over-dramatic (a trait about yourself you'll come to accept and love). Learn to let those walls down once someone has earned your trust. The longer you keep the walls up the longer and harder it is to take them down. Trust doesn't equal pain- the sooner you learn that, the better.

Dear Holls- Age 18
You have been through hell this past year... 50% of it is due to you making poor decisions 50% is due to people making up rumors. You get out of it alive. In fact you pass this hard ass test with flying colors. You are starting college and starting a whole new life! Forget about Mr.ohsowrongforyou- he is TOXIC and PSYCHO and won't matter by the time you are 19. Even though you have started to make some new friends, you don't forget about the old ones you did wrong too and still really care about. All it took was a simple "Happy Birthday" and she was back in your life. Everything works out in time. You two are like kindred spirits. She will be the first person you call when you find out you're pregnant and she will be the maid of honor at your wedding- you end up being closer than ever with her (and you thank your lucky stars everyday for that because she really is amazing)

Dear Holls Age 21-ish
Talk to her before you "move out" she'll listen. She cares. You can trust her. You'll regret not reaching out to her sooner. Even after all the drama and not speaking for awhile she'll congratulate you on your pregnancy. She'll continue to send you well wishes throughout your engagement, birth of your daughter and marriage and it means the world to you. She's a good person and someone you don't want to lose touch with.

I wrote a few more letters... however I feel that there haven't been enough years since, for me to really reflect. Maybe 5 years down the line I will revisit this again :)

McFatty Monday: FAIL

2010-06-21T20:54:00.000-04:00

SOOO As most of you know I have been following the program from Jackie Warner's book. Well today I was supposed to start eating 100% clean until the weekend when I coudl have my two cheat meals.

Today is also J's bday. He wanted to go to a Japanese steakhouse for lunch... then he wanted baja fresh for dinner and a freaking COLDSTONE CAKE FOR DESERT!

I started the day off well... two eggs and water with lemon. As the day went on, hoever, it just went downhill, and I didn't work out. Tomorrow will be a new day and hopefully I will be able to begin.

Another issue I had was losing my contact... losing my contact means wearing my glasses and for those who have ever worked out with glasses it's not fun. Its so not fun that I didn't work out on bit. I could barely see (glasses are very outdated prescription) and it just wasn't gonna happen. I don't think it helped I literally stuffed my face with whatever I wasted this past weekend knowing I would be going clean this week. Oops.

OK enough complaining and giving excuses let me get to the goods.

Adding in the foods actually started to work with my body. After having to eat all of the food you add in, you don't really want much else. I even lost a few pounds (which were gained back this weekend) so I def suggest this as a way for people to ease into losing weight.

My goals for this week? Starting eating clean ASAP. I really wish we would have goen grocery shopping today because we have like no HEALTHY FOOD, but we have eggs, steel cut oat, frozen berries, and string cheese. I may have to try and survive on that until we go shopping and I can get more stuff.

Here's to being healthy and losing weight!!!

Wedding: The Sparkle

2010-06-18T21:58:00.001-04:00

Who doesn't love some good old fashioned sparkle right? Here ya go kids!

The GORGEOUS earrings I got from Lulu Splendor an amazing esty seller who sold out of the earrings I wanted and then specially made and mailed them for me when I told her I HAD to have them for my wedding. She was amazing to work with.

I got my necklace from TIGERLILLY JEWELRY. I had it custom made for my dress. This place was also really great to work with!

I got my bracelet from this etsy shop. They do beautiful work!

I just want to add that ALL of these pieces are gorgeous as pictures online, however in person they are breath-taking. I couldn't believe my eyes as I opened each one, I was truly amazed!

I know most people are allll about seeing the wedding rings (I know I am) so here are a few of my favs!

Wedding: Tradition

2010-06-10T17:20:00.000-04:00

You know the saying: Something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue.

Here are the four items I wore for the big day!

Something Old: My grandmother's pin. The wedding was actually on her birthday! She passed away many many years ago, but I am happy I was able to have something of hers with me on the big day :)

(Sorry the pic is a bit blurry, I couldn't get a good shot of it)

Something New: I had a bunch of things that were new, my dress, the jewelry but for the sake of this post I will use the gorgeous hairpins I got from TIGERLILLY:

Something Borrowed: I borrowed one of Joe's Nana's favorite pins (thanks Missy :)) His grand parents were unable to make it to the wedding due to not being able to travel so it was nice to have a piece of them with us that day.

(Again, sorry, another crappy picture. I wish I would have remembered to get a picture of them the day of!)

Something Blue: I had shoes custom made from Nina Shoes. I got them baby pink with navy blue knots:

McFatty Monday: Week 1

2010-06-07T09:55:00.000-04:00

Last week I mentioned reading Jackie Warner's new book This is why you're fat. Well this week I am officially starting her program. The first two weeks, you just add food to your regular diet. I have everything I need except Whey protien- so here are my food goals:

-Drink water, water, water (duh) and add in lemon juice. I love this, when I go out to eat I always get water with lemon so I can squeeze some of the juice into my water, it makes it so refreshing. Turns out doing this is also good for you! I had the hubs (still LOVE saying that :)) pick me up some fresh lemons, I'm not sure if the bottle of lemon juice have the same effect.

- Eat at least 2 eggs a day. This is no issue. I LOVE have eggs for breakfast. Jackie also suggests hard boiling eggs before hand and sticking two each in zip lock bags- then adding salt and pepper to taste for an easy on the go snack. I like that she allows the WHOLE egg- most programs suggest only white, and lets be real, the yolk is the best part!

- 2-3 cups of veggies- easy... got some yummy yellow and red peppers ready to be chopped in my fridge!

-2 whole fruits... this I need to work on. I usually only have one fruit a day AT MOST.

- 1 Whey protein shake. I still need to buy the Whey protein. I meant to this weekend, but we had stuff being built in our house, then we had to buy decorations for it all and yadda yadda yaddaaaa... anyways, I still need to get out and buy it.

- 1 cup oatmeal daily... all I have are steal cut oats so I need to make up a batch for the week today. Those things take FOREVER to make. If I can find the plain instant oatmeal I will def be switching to that.

As for exercise, this program calls for 20 mins of hard cardio 5 days a week, and 3 days of resistance training added to the cardio. I want to start the 30 day shred again today, but we got a new tv and it doesn't have a dvd player, and the one we have it downstairs soooo I may have to try it out on my comp- it's really the only way I'll get cardio in. I love to get it over with when Lils goes down for her morning nap, but my track record shows not working out till after 4pm usually so we'll see.

I also bought an eating clean cook book- Eating clean for dummies. It has some great recipes in it (that include meat thank goodness) so I am going to try and start meal planning for week 3 (first week of real clean eating)

Here's to being healthy and fit!!!!

Wedding: THE DRESS

2010-06-04T14:32:00.000-04:00

So I FINALLY got all my pictures. The first set of discs I received had some issues so I had to get a new set sent to me, which took a few weeks. Now I get to start the fun process of making the album and showing off the pics. I thought what is a better way to start off then by showing off my dress? Enjoy!

The Designer:

The Details:

The Finished Look:

There are more pictures to come!!!

McFatty Monday- "This is why you're fat"

2010-05-31T11:27:00.000-04:00

So I feel like every time I post these days it's about finding some new way to be healthy, lose weight and tone up. Consider the past few months (since this whole thing started) my trial and error period. I have been trying to find what works for ME. I started out with great motivation and energy. As my wedding approached my stress levels increased and my desire to work out completely disappeared. I still don't have it back, but I am hoping to turn a new chapter in my life after my next grocery shopping trip. Each time I try something new I feel like I am getting one step closer to being able to maintain a healthy life style.

I am going to start eating clean. I have tried to avoid it because I didn't want to let go of certain foods, and because I was doing it alone. I need to get over myself and get real. I am sick of hating the way I look and feel. I need to do something about it, other than complain and stuff my face with more unhealthy foods. I need to get my energy levels up and work out and BE HEALTHY.

I got Jackie Warner's new book "This is Why You're Fat" I have already read through it and LOVE it. Normally I think books like this are fake, but for some reason this one really spoke to me (hey if it works who cares right?). I was a fan of Jackie on her show Work Out so I already respected her as a nutrition fitness professional before the book. Inside there are recipes, workouts, and lots of good information about why you are fat and unhealthy and how to stay thin and feel better. Overall it's just a fabulous book and I hope this is what really helps me to change my life.

Once I get all my food and get started I will get into more detail, for now I am celebrating Memorial day with family and going to try not to beat myself up about how I look.

I hope all of you have a great Memorial day! Here's to being healthy and looking great!!!

I was supposed to walk around the lake...

2010-05-13T17:05:00.001-04:00

Instead I got side tracked by South Moon Under, Barnes & Noble and Target. This shopping center is really nice and has a lake/pond you can walk around, paddle boat in, or feed the ducks. It's a really great to take the baby out for some fresh air.

I just got an umbrella stroller and this thing is amazing. It makes it soooo much easier to go run errands with the little cupcake.

AAAAAANYWAYS a new SMU opened in this shopping area and I just HAD to take a look inside. I didn't plan to shop, but I have been waiting for the grand opening and wanted to check the place out.

I fell in love. LOVE. The set up , the people, the clothes, accessories, bags EVERYTHING. In the fitting room area, if someone starts a room for you THEY WRITE YOUR NAME ON A MIRROR ON THE DOOR it is effing adorable. I didn't want to leave. Here is what I purchased:

This necklace:

These earrings:

This Hat (I have been looking for one of these FOREVER):

Now I can't do a shopping trip without getting something for my baby girl!

I got her three dresses: This, This and This

I also got some glitter gel pens in assorted colors (they don't just sell pink so I gotta buy the whole rainbow) and a hot pink journal from Barnes & Noble.

Lils was so great the whole day, and it was nice to be out with her without lugging the car seat around! Today was def a success :)

Getting back into it

2010-05-10T11:45:00.000-04:00

Ok lovelies, Holls is back.

I took some time off, because... well I wanted to. I think this will also jump start some weight loss again.

I am going to continue meal planning and try to exercise more. The eating has been a bit challenging because I am the only one int he house dieting. J buys me healthy food, but there are other people in this house not on a diet and eating yummy fatty deliciousness. If everyone in the house was getting healthier it might be easy to stay on track. As for the exercise? I don't know why I am having SUCH a hard time with it. Especially because the last time I did the Shred, I felt more energized after the first work out. I'm just stuck in a rut. I need to get out of it- I am sick of having the way my body feels, and hate the way I have to "tuck" and "pull" and "squeeze" into clothes. I just want to be comfortable in my own skin.

So along with the meal planning and exercise I am going to start a food journal. I am going to make myself accountable. I have avoided journaling because I was HOPING to get by eating healthy with adding in 3 cookies here or . By writing down everything I HAVE to right down those food that "slip in" during the day and make my self accountable and realize that might be the reason I am not where I want to be.

I am sick of the flab. I want it gone once and for all. Just because I am a certain weight or size, does NOT mean it looks good in certain clothes or naked. I want to look good naked damnit!

I really really really hope I get it right one of these days... something HAS to stick. I want a lifestyle change. I want to be better for myself, for my husband (love saying that :)) and for my daughter.

Quickie post

2010-05-05T23:53:00.002-04:00

SO I haven't been as active recently, but I PROMISE to get things rolling again soon. I am winding down from my wedding and am surprisingly still pretty busy.

I am anxiously awaiting the professional wedding photos... I can't wait to see them and show them to everyone!!!

I have recently tried to be more active on twitter, so you can always follow me on there if you want to keep up with my day to day randomness *note the twitter button right under the header :) * I got the app on my blackberry so it's much easier for me to keep up with! Still trying to figure it all out, but I figure with time I'll get the hang of it, haha!

I also started an account a formspring.com so if you have ANY questions you want to ask me please feel free! Save me from being bored in the middle of the night and ask me some questions :) http://formspring.me/HollsHappily

Thanks lovelies and I'll be posting again soon!!!

McFatty Monday: I guess it worked!

2010-04-26T10:09:00.003-04:00

I had my wedding this past weekend and once I get more pictures back I will post. I wanted to direct everyone to my photog's site because she put a few preview pics up :

Wedding preview

I was worried how I looked, I was worried on my days coming up that I wasn't skinny enough.

Looking at these picture I feel I was at a perfect weight. I don't know if it's because they are professional pics, or what but it was such a sense of relief (and of course excitement) I get to look back in my wedding day to beautiful amazing photos :)

Lust List

2010-04-15T11:46:00.001-04:00

1: A Cuff bracelet. Ever since I saw Lynn's cuffs on the OC housewives I have been OBSESSED:

I love all of these cuff, they come from this etsy seller. If I could afford to buy all of them I totally would! They are great options for spring and summer time! Hell I'd well them year round if I could :)

2. A Mother's necklace. I really want one of these, maybe for mother's day or something. There are TONS of different styles out there.

McFatty Monday- 2 Types of Stress People

2010-04-12T10:22:00.000-04:00

There are two types of stress people... at least in this instance. People who don't eat when they are stressed and people who eat.

I am the latter. Wake up feeling under the weather? maybe a brownie will help. Something not go my way? Oh well a pack a starburst will surely be the answer.

Having things go wrong that you couldn't imagine go wrong a mere two weeks before my wedding? I'm going to buy out my local Dairy Queen and call it a weekend, K?

Long story story I just really wanted to lay in bed and pig out. I tried to keep on track (and on meal plan) however I had a few slip ups here and there. I am not too disappointed. I know myself and with the stress... well- I'm surprised (and thankful) I didn't go completely overboard.

I lost some o the weight I gained back (YAY!) and found some meals that I absolutely LOVE:

Tuna, peas and miracle whip.

Yogurt with a tsp of honey.

Cucumber salad with low fat fetta.

This week my goals are the same. Keep meal planning, keep trying to work out, keep trying to stay sane. I don't care WHAT we have to go through as long as the big day turns out perfect in the end!

I wanna ROCK! Oops I mean Party!!!

2010-04-11T18:16:00.000-04:00

Not Just any party... The Ultimate Blog Party 2010!!!!

If you are new to my blog HIIII!!!! I am a new mommy, and soon to be newlywed. I love all things pink and sparkly, and over all am a real girly girl. I am a self proclaimed shop-a-holic and beauty junkie. The past year has been a whirl wind of pregnancy, birth, engagement, mommyhood, and all over craziness! I wouldn't have it any other way though. I consider myself to be incredibly lucky to have found my perfect Mr. Right and have the most beautiful baby girl in the whole world! I hope you enjoy reading my blog and choose to stick around ;)

The Quest for the Perfect Nude Pump.

2010-04-11T14:18:00.001-04:00

The must have shoe for this season is a nude pump. I prefer a peep toe pump to any other kind.

This is a bit lighter than your average nude, however I think it will go well with my skin tone (pale as casper). It's light, but not quite white, so I won't be getting evil stares for wearing this before memorial day or after labor day :)

I love the platform front and the skinny heel!

6 months!!

2010-04-10T11:48:00.000-04:00

My oh my how time has flown. I look back and reflect on the past 6 months and it is really such a blur! So many things have changed, I have changed, it's just been an incredible roller coaster ride.

One of the things I would like to address is the post I made way back in the each months- I think around two months. I was saying how she could self sooth and use her hands and STTN. Um I might have been a BIT wrong. OK I was way off. At that time, although I thought I was sane, I was really a sleep deprived robotic mess. Pumping every three-four hours and just trying to survive colic and reflux alone left me so tired. Actually, I was EXHAUSTED. Like worn to the bone exhausted. In that crazy newborn phase haze I exaggerated a lot of her accomplishments. Yes she was "using her hands" but she hadn't really discovered them yet. Yes she was STTN but, well a lot of two month olds do then all of a sudden they regress to waking up every couple hours. I got excited and got ahead of myself.I look back and feel more grounded now- maybe I'm not, maybe I will look back a year from now and think " WTH was she talking about??" who knows.

So how is she doing now? She's awesome duh!!! No, really, she is doing great. She can roll over both ways, pass toys between hands, sit up unassisted for a short period of time and bear weight on her legs. She is doing the baby scoot, I know any week now all of a sudden I will look over and she will be crawling. She is laughing so much now, she is really such a happy baby (except when mommy puts her in the crib for bed time and she still wants to play).

We are still working on her sleeping. It's been tough. On average she sleeps about 4 hours at a time at most. RARELY I will get lucky and get a 6 hour stretch.

How's mommy doing? Fabulous! As some of you have seen I have also been dealing with losing the baby weight. It's not as easy to get motivated as one might think (even with a wedding approaching at light speed!) but I will save my rant for another post. Around the three month period I really started to enjoy being a stay at home mom. Her personality started to shine through, I could interact with her better, and it's all gone uphill from there. I mean life isn't always perfect- I still get frustrated at 330 AM being woken up 15 minutes after I've laid my head down. Being a mom is hard. Being a mom is also the most amazing thing I have a ever done.

Minutes after she was born:

Minutes after waking up today:

19 day to go!

2010-04-05T07:59:00.000-04:00

I recently came across some information that would have been nice to have in Jan. It's my own fault for thinking I could work out and eat "my way" and still lose weight and keep it off.

I lost the weight. Then I started to gain a little ( I didn't gain it all back, but I gained a little). Wedding or no wedding my energy went WAY down. I wanted to work out, but the energy wasn't there. Last week I did some exercises with the resistance band and that's about it. I am very disappointed. I have 19 days left until my wedding and will always know that I did not give it 100%. I may have given 100% for a month and a 1/2... then I started to give 80% then 60% and so on. I hope to goodness I am being to hard on myself and look at my wedding pictures and feel relieved and proud.

Before having the baby I didn't anticipate how long it would take to really be able to work out. Even though they SAY you can work out at 6 weeks, unless you are used to working out all the time- it's really quite impossible. I was able to find the strength and energy to really work out when Lils was three months. Thinking back I should have realized I needed time for trial and error for my work out and diet plan. How could I really expect to get it right the first time?

So, recently I started chatting with some amazing woman who know the ins and outs of proper health and fitness. A nice little inside secret I have overlooked many times is meal planning. MEAL PLANNING! It's so freaking simple. Thinking about it now it just makes perfect sense. If I write out everything, it will probably help keep me on track! Seeing the list may help me stop before placing my hand in that cookie jar- or think twice before adding an extra snack. So this week I am planning out my meal and exercise and hope to goodness I follow it. I love the idea of picking everything out and having it all planned so when it comes time to eat I won't be so tempted to just snack around for an hour, I'll be able to use the list as my guide.

Goals for this week:
Start the Shred again- do this first thing in the morning (as in I need to this this right after I post)
Meal Plan
Oatmeal, Oatmeal, oatmeal.
NO SUGAR (this is the home stretch folks I just gotta give up the sweets)
Continue to use the resistance band (I can do this while watching TV)
Try to squeeze in another work out of pilates during Lils' afternoon nap.

Here's to being healthy and losing weight!

McFatty Monday- Final dress fitting!

2010-03-29T09:27:00.000-04:00

Just a reminder you can find McFatty Monday here if you want to participate!!

So now my weight is kind of fluctuating. This is exactly how I was before I got pregnant. I have a 5 pound weight range I am always in. So even though I have reached my lowest pre-preg weight, I have also gone up a few pounds.

To be honest I don't see it making a HUGE difference. I can still SQUEEZE into pre-preg work pants if I absolutely have to which is quite an accomplishment.

It's funny, I remember Heidi Klum's response when someone asked her if they could look like her after having a baby. She said " it depends on how you looked before" this statement couldn't be more true... for me at least. I am EXACTLY how I was before getting pregnant. Like it's almost creepy how similar I am. I hope to get my work out back up to speed ( deja vu anyone?) you'd think with my wedding coming up I would be working out extra hard. However, the closer it gets the less I want to work out. I wish I would have worked out my upper body more (but it'ss so weak, it was really hard!) because I still have the "boob fat" that sticks out when you wear a tight strapless. I am hoping my long hair will conceal this- even if it's just for the ceremony.

I have 2/3 of my wedding jewelry for the fitting today- I am excited to see how it looks together! I am also excited to see how the new alterations look.

So onto my work out goals for the week:

For the ab separation I had to do 10 special sit ups an hour for each hour I was awake. I am going to try and do this and well as other exercises. It might be hard to do every hour I am awake but if I do even half that I think it will still bring good results. I also plan to do my pilates DVD at least 3-4 times this week.

Here's to being healthy!!!

Dear Cupcake

2010-03-26T09:57:00.000-04:00

Dear Cupcake,

Mommy was mad last night. Or rather, early this morning. Due to your recent playtime of midnight I have gotten used to falling asleep between 1 and 2 AM. This night as soon as I laid my head down on my pillow I hear you start to stir. The stir turned into an all out meltdown because I could not step out of bed fast enough to feed you. Mommy's so tired, baby. It's been months of getting a few hours of sleep at a time (except on very rare occasion) so I huffed and puffed and stomped to get you out of your crib.

However, after you had finished eating I couldn't move. Normally I am quick to put you back in your crib and hope to fall asleep within the hour. This time something was different. You were so content in my arms, and I was so content to kiss your head and snuggle you close. I wanted to sneak you into the big bed, crawl into your crib, I just wanted to stay near you. I knew I needed to go to sleep, it would only be a few hours until I was up again and I had so much to do the next day. I had to work out, clean, and get all dolled up to celebrate a friends birthday. I HAD to get some sleep, but I also HAD to keep holding you. So I did just that. I watched your peaceful face as you took each breath, stroked your head and ran my fingers through the one patch of hair you have on your head. Thinking about it now makes me miss you and you are only in the next room.

So mommy was mad... but your sweet face some how melted all that anger and exhaustion away.

I love you baby girl.

McFatty Monday- 5 Months and I Did it!

2010-03-22T08:46:00.001-04:00

That me! I'm screaming " I'm finally back at my pre-pregnancy weight!!!"

OK... not really. I'm actually screaming " Take me home tonight" at a bar during my bach party- but nonetheless still at the coveted pre-preg weight.

I am happy to be at the weight I am but am a little disappointed with the progressive loss of steam I had the past couple of weeks. I went from working out 5 days a week to 4 to 3 then sometimes even 2 and now back to 3. I'd really like to work out 5 times a week again. I think I would see even better results. SO I am still working on it!

I've also lost sight of the whole " be healthy for life" thing. I think that's what really helped me stay motivated in the beginning and ever since valentines day I haven't been as healthy as I want to. I have had a couple of events where I just wanted to indulge! I eat week during the week but on the weekends I would just go out of control. Things have quieted down a bit and besides my big 2-5 there are no more events until the wedding. I'd like to eventually be able to make healthy choices 7 days a week instead of just 5. I know I can do it if it happens gradually maybe eat healthy all week and 1 healthy dinner on the weekends and go from there. We'll see!

For now I am pretty happy with how I look and pleased I still have a few months before bathing suit season!

Here's to being healthy and losing weight!!!

Bridal Shower!!!

2010-03-16T18:30:00.003-04:00

I had my Bridal Shower and Bach party this weekend and let me tell you it was a BLAST.

My Maid of Honor is pretty much the BEST of all time and I seriously think she needs to go into party planning. She has set up both my bridal and baby shower both of which have been amazing. My bridesmaids are also so awesome for helping to set everything up and make it all perfect. I couldn't ask for better friends and family!

The Cake!

Cupcakes!!!

My mom and me... and champagne spillage :)

My gorgeous baby girl

Me, my mom and future mother in law

Me and Lils

Me and Lils again

The Bridal Party!!!

Champagne and Mimosas!!! This was a party favorite :)

Cheers! Me and my Maid of Honor

McFatty Monday 3 MORE POUNDS

2010-03-08T10:33:00.001-05:00

3 more pounds to go folks. That's right 3 MORE POUNDS until I am at my pre-pregnancy weight. This will DEF be attainable by the time of the wedding.

I am hoping to go full force again starting this week. I know I keep saying that but it's better than giving up completely! I have just felt so tired and lazy recently. I only worked out two times last week.

This week I would like to go back to "2 a days" I really should be taking advantage of the time and flexibility I have to work out while I still can. I also still need to tone up my upper body... it's so hard to put more focus on my lower body because it's stronger. My arms have NEVER been strong. They are little twigs, but due to the lack of tone I have a bit of that boobs fat around my under arms. I know I should have been working harder... but it's hard!

I am no longer setting a deadline of March 29th. My deadline is the week of April 24th. I found out that about 20-25 pounds is what makes difference in dress sizes. I don't think I'll be losing another 10-15 before then.

Here's to being healthy and losing weight!!

The addiction just gets worse.

2010-03-06T18:14:00.001-05:00

I thought I loved shopping before I got pregnant.

Having a baby opened up a WHOLE new world for me. Baby clothes, gear, diaper bags, nursery items and other misc. products.

Designing the nursery is something all mothers get into, it sotra helps to pass the time while waiting for baby (especially in those dreaded last few weeks). Seeing the room come together just adds that much more excitement!

I recently indulged in a new crib bedding set. We bought our first set before we found out the sex of the baby. It's an under the sea theme and I LOVE it but... THERE'S NO PINK! Lils' room is all pink, pink walls, pink changing table cover, pink letters... she needed a pink bedding set to go along with it:

I have been sooo picky trying to find the perfect pink bedding set. Most of the ones I have seen always have some odd color thrown in, I couldn't believe it was so hard to find something simple. It's a good thing I waited because I was able to get this at 50% off :)

I can't wait for it to come in so I can set it all up!!!

Designer stuff for 1/2 the price!

2010-03-02T14:08:00.001-05:00

Being a stay at home I want to find every way possible to save, but I don't want to skimp on my expensive style!

The places I shop carry designer clothes, jewelry, make-up, baby items and more for CHEAP!

I recently bought a pair of Seven's skinny jeans for UNDER $100.00!!!

I bought a new 4 piece crib set also for under $100.00 talk about a deal!

If you want in on this just leave me your e-mail in my comments and I'll give you the scoop on how to get these amazing deals!

**If you don't feel comfortable leaving your email please e-mail me at happilyeveraftermyway@gmail.com***

McFatty Monday: Diastasis????

2010-03-01T11:12:00.000-05:00

OK, so I have been obsessing over my stomach getting flatter... or the lack there of.

After working out for three days last week and getting frustrated with how my stomach looked during the ab work I went to the computer and did some research.

Diastasis, or separation of abs was an explanation that matched my symptoms. I took the diagnostic test and felt the gap was big enough. Now, I didn't get a doctor to look at it so I could have misjudged it. Nevertheless I spent the last couple days on the floor ever hour doing at least ten of the ab exercises recommended to bring the abs back together. Things feel normal now and I need to jump back in to working out.

I have my first dress fitting for the wedding today. I am 10 pounds lighter and at least a size smaller... I am excited to see how it looks!!

McFatty Monday... I've been avoiding you...

2010-02-22T08:29:00.002-05:00

It's McFatty Monday time! Check it out here

Last week I didn't participate. I was ashamed. Seriously, I'm not being over dramatic here. I was really ashamed. This weight loss and exercising thing has become such an important aspect of my life, any deviation from my plan puts me in a funk.

First it was the blizzard of 2010 part 2. This meant J would be home from work three days of out and week and T would be here one of those days. Working out only happened two days that week. It was also valentines day weekend and I thought it would be a good idea to bake cookies and make truffles.

Second, last week, I don't know what happened, I only worked out three times. I was exhausted. I was breaking down. Seriously, I guess baby's aren't the only ones who go crazy if you mess with their schedule. I was freaking out about last week, freaking out over my lack of sleep, freaking out about being in my wedding dress and looking less than perfect, freaking out about how the next week my schedule would also be tampered with. Didn't people realize I needed to work out at a specific time and if I can't do it then it probably won't get done?!?!?!?!

My sanity was definitely questioned last week. I don't think it helped only getting three hours of sleep at a time, thank to my lovely daughter who doesn't understand the meaning of beauty sleep. I honestly had to force myself to stop freaking out and to breath and take it one day at a time or I was going to continue making myself miserable and would probably end up cutting myself off from the world until I was able to get my body in the shape I wanted it.

But the world doesn't work like that. LIFE doesn't work like that. I have to learn to go with the flow and adapt to change- not freak out every time i have an obligation that happens to fall into my work out time. So, I'm working on it... I know I won't change over night.

So let's get to the good stuff. Goals:

Pilates work out during baby's morning nap. It's another 20 min workout. I've done pilates in the past and LOVED it.

Start 30 day shred over again. Work on proper form. Work on doing the work out with Natalie instead of Anita. Also, last month I switched out some of the arm moves for butt and thigh moves. This time I am going to follow it exactly. Last week was the first week of re-starting it and even though i had already gotten through level 3, level 1 was NO walk in the park... especially the arm stuff. I did notice I was stronger though- so that's always good.

I have 5 more pounds to lose to get to pre-preg, and to be honest I wouldn't mind losing 6 more after that but that will probably have to wait until after the wedding. I have just about a month until my last dress fitting, after that I just need to maintain until after the wedding.

Here's to keeping my sanity, being healthy and losing weight!!

Getting to Know You Sunday!!!

2010-02-21T11:38:00.001-05:00

Getting to know you Sunday comes from here- play along!

The questions..

1. How often do you wash/change your sheets? Every couple of weeks. That reminds me, they need to be washed- ever since I have become a mom the laundry seems endless!!!

2. When is your birthday? April 2nd. I LOVE it.

3. Have you ever met a bloggy friend in real life? No, but there are a few I;d really like to meet.

4. Brad Pitt or George Clooney? Hmmm I used to love brad Pitt but now neither of them seem appealing. I'd take J over them both any day ;)

5. If you could change one thing about your body what would it be? Just one? I'd start with the night like spare tired around my waist- as long as we are there I'd like to get rid of the stretch marks too.

6. How often do you wash your hair? Evey few days- it's not good to wash it every day.

7. Do you have pets? My chew chew- she's a doxie and I loooove her. She's my other baby :)

8. How many social networks do you belong to..if you had to give up one, what would it be? Just fb I think. Yea I'd give it up if there was a better way for me to keep in touch with people and be nosey.

1 Year Ago Today

2010-02-20T11:11:00.001-05:00

1 year ago today I found out I was pregnant.

The week before I had been feeling hungover, sick, I couldn't eat and the medicine I was taking wasn't working. In the weeks before I noticed I wasn't able to drink alcohol like I used to, I could barely finish a drink with out feeling sick or tired. I have no clue what was going on, I thought it was part of "getting older." Being pregnant never crossed my mind because I wasn't throwing up in the morning. I never got morning sickness- I was just feeling crappy all day. Little did I know that not everyone gets morning sickness, some people have no symptoms at all!

When I got the BFP I was 8 weeks along. I remember feeling so awful I didn't know sooner- I had been drinking alcohol and way too much caffeine. I was on medications that you can't take while your pregnant. It really worried me. The doctor reassured me that as long as i stopped everything immediately the baby should be fine. I almost died at the prospect of not having any caffeine- how the hell was I going to get through the day? Fortunately you are usually allowed about a cup of coffee a day give or take :)

Thinking back to that day I REALLY had no clue what I was about to go through. Like, I almost feel embarrassed about the lack of information I had. Thank gawd for the internet or I really would have been lost.

A year ago today I couldn't have imagined I'd be two months away from my wedding. I knew J and I would get engaged and marry at some point, but I had no clue 2010 would be the year I became a Mrs.

This year has been one long, crazy, awesome, roller coaster ride, and it's just the beginning ;)

Happy Love Day!!!

2010-02-14T13:44:00.004-05:00

I woke up today to J telling me him and T were going somewhere, but they couldn't tell me where. I was also instructed NOT to eat.

When they got home they brought in a wonderful breakfast and I got gorgeous roses. They are currently in the fabulous crystal vase my aunt and uncle got us for our engagement gift :)

I also decided to make Oreo truffles for everyone. I got the recipe from here. If you make these I suggest having something to keep then in that fits in the fridge- my started to melt a bit if I left them out too long.

Lils got the playskool glow worm and T got some new bakugons!

Don't worry J wasn't left out. For every day of February I send him a prettied up picture with picnik and told him one thing about him that I loved... leading up to today where I name the number 1 thing. I'll have to keep it between us though- it got pretty personal :) The point is, I love him and I wanted him to know specific things that I love about him. Everyone loves a compliment and it was a fun surprise for him at work. Yay for love!

Hope everyone has a great Valentines Day!!!

I have these fun questions to answer- if you want to play along go here, grab and answer then link up!

1. Favorite Valentine's candy? Anything mint chocolate!
2. Pink or red? PINK
3. Will you be doing anything to celebrate today? We went out to dinner with the kids last night :)
4. Do you put up Valentine's decorations? No... now that you mention it, that's a great idea for next year.
5. What does Valentine's Day mean to you? Expressing how much you love family and friends.
6. Would you rather get..flowers, candy, or a night out? All three... I'm greedy :)
7. Sexy lingerie or nothing.at.all? Sexy lingerie!
8. Do you say Valentine's Day or Valentime's Day? Valentine haha

Red Velvet Cookies!

2010-02-12T17:23:00.000-05:00

In honor of V-day I decided to do some baking! I made red velvet cookies with cream in the middle and got the recipe from here

Mine are no where near as pretty as hers BUT I gave it a shot.

Here's the lovely dough. I used red velvet cake mix, but only added two eggs and a 1/2 cup of butter- at first I didn't think it was right but after a few minutes of mixing (with a mixer) the consistency became less dry and more "dough" like

I made mine bigger than what the recipe says, they should actually be at least 1/2 this size. I found the dough to be really really sticky!

Here are the cookies after about 13 mins in the oven!

This is the cream cheese frosting. It calls for a whole brick of cream cheese, some vanilla, more butter (I can feel the weight gain already) and confectioners sugar.

Wait for it... waaaaait for it...

Ta-Da!!!! My cookies are MUCH bigger than they should be and we found out that in this case bigger is not better. I ended up cutting the cookies into fours so they were smaller. This this recipe makes about 24 cookie and 12 when you put them all together.

I encourage you guys to make these and let me know what you think! They are super cute for v-day, but def need to be smaller. The cookie is so rich it was hard to finish a big one. Making these bite size is ideal :)

For Moi????

2010-02-11T20:50:00.000-05:00

My first bloggy award!!!!

Thank you much to the fabulous Tia at Stoic for my first award!!!!

he rules of the game:

1. Thank & link to the person that gave you the award
Thanks again Tia!!! You're awesome!!!

2. Pass this award onto 15 bloggers you’ve recently discovered & think are fantastic.
Whoa. You guys aren't playin around. 15?!?!?
Here goes:

Mrs. B at Life with Sweet Cheeks
The Chandlers at Charmingly Chandler
Amanda at Mandalyn and The Stinky Cheese
Mrs.M at Kibble n Dribble
The Mother at Little Boy Green
Madeleine at A Big To-do
Juliana at A Blonde Walks into A Blog
B Sparkly at B Sparkly
Stefani at Derek and Stefani
Brittany at Sweet, Sassy and oh so classy
Olivea at The Sweet Life
Elisa at The Uhlis'
Taylor at Jimmy Choos and a Baby too
Katrina at Sevin Family
Keely at MannLand5

3. Contact said Blogs & let them know they've won
In the process of doing that....

4. State 7 things about yourself
1. I love LV bags
2. I love Dior sunglasses
3. I'm not as superficial as those last two statements made me seem :)
4. I love all things pink and sparkly
5. I wear a lot of black
6. My fav drink is Bacardi and diet pepsi
7. I'm getting married this year!!!!

A Few of My Favorite Things: Beauty Products!

2010-02-11T12:31:00.000-05:00

I picked three of my FAV beauty products that I can't live without!

First: Bobbi Brown gel eyeliner in Graphite Shimmer Ink. This stuff is HOT and goes on so much smoother than pencil, pen, liquid or powder.

Second: Laura Mercier lip glace in Lilac. I LOVE LOVE LOVE this. It's perfect for day and night looks. Even if I'm wearing no make up and put this stuff one my face instantly looks better- J really likes the way it looks on my lips.

Third: Molton Brown Heavenly Gingerlily Soft Body Shimmer. This stuff not only smells amazing but gives you beautiful shimmer all over your body, with out being "too much."

Do any of you own and love these products? What are some of your favorite things?

What Do You Use Tuesdays: MASCARA

2010-02-09T08:49:00.001-05:00

Hosted by this fabulous chick.

I like to use Dior Show Black Mascara:

It's not clumpy, and stays on my eye lashes well. It also separates and volumizes... I love it!

McFatty Monday... FINALLY!

2010-02-08T08:41:00.002-05:00

FINALLY I lost weight again!!!! 2 pounds as of Saturday. Level 3 of the shred has really REALLY kicked my butt, but that's the point, right?

This week marks my last 5 days for the 30 shred- doing each level at 10 days. I felt a bit defeated this weekend because, well, my stomach doesn't look like someone who has been working out 5 days a week every week.

I was down this weekend. Really down. Then I started doing some research and got some info that made me feel better... 8-12/13 weeks to a tighter tummy ( for someone in my situation) I heard it straight from a trainers mouth. I have only been working out for 5.. phew!

So I have about 7 pounds to get back to pre-preg weight... Although since I am in a healthy weight range, as long as I have a tight tummy I don't really care what the scale says!

My goals this week are to continue doing what I am doing. I'm not adding on any more ab work or chest flies. I want to continue to eat well, too.

Here's to being healthy and losing weight!

*Don't forget to go here and comment about your progress!!!

Getting to know you Sunday!

2010-02-07T17:15:00.000-05:00

I found "Getting to know you Sunday" from this fabulous blogger.

To join the fun head over to this site and grab her button and link up your post!

1. How many piercing's do you have? 4- 2 in the ear, one belly and one tongue. I took the belly out when I was pregnant and took the tongue out when I started working. Surprisingly my belly piercing hasn't closed up, it's been about 6 months since I took it out.

2. I love the sound of.....? Rain, my baby girl laughing, the ocean.

3. Favorite city? I LOVE Chicago and NYC... and of course D.C :) Getting more local I LOVE LOVE LOVE Bethesda, MD.

4. Colts, Saints, or could care less? Could careless.

5. Frozen yogurt or ice cream? Fro-yo! tasted just as good if not better than ice cream!
6. Favorite appetizer? Spin dip, wings, chips and salsa, nachos, potato skins... I'm an appetizer fan :)

7. What item in your closet currently makes you the happiest? My Sevens jeans!

8.Favorite facial moisturizer? Clinique tinted moisturizer

For those that love to be organized and like pretty things...

2010-02-06T11:26:00.002-05:00

The Lilly Pulitzer Time Flies agenda is for you!

I have been waiting for this for what seems like forever. It is completely sold out on the Lilly site, and it continuously on a back order status at Neimans. Luckily I did some searching and was able to find it- I ordered and got it within a week!

I am very picky about which agenda I will use (I guess I am pretty picky about a lot of things :) ) and Tiffanys was no longer selling the type of planner I used last year- not to mention it wasn't really in my budget to spend $63.00 on a planner again.

This one is less than $30.00, comes with fun stickers and has lots of room to write all your important appointments and activities. It's brightly colored and just awesome- I LOVE LOVE LOVE IT! It can come in other patterns, but this specific one is called colors by number.

Etsy makes me swoon

2010-02-05T11:59:00.004-05:00

I am a very picky mommy when it comes to dressing my daughter. I have ONE set of headband bows for her because everything else I find is either too big, the wrong color, fabric blah blah blah.

Well.. now... thanks to the wonderful sellers at Etsy, I have found some head wear worthy of my baby girl.

I love this :

You can find it here

These are so cute too!!!

I can not WAIT to see these on my little cupcake :)

Linens for my Wedding... who knew it would be so hard? UPDATED

2010-02-04T15:41:00.006-05:00

So after my wedding there will be LOTS of info and pictures about wedding planning and all that jazz. I haven't written a lot about it or posted any details because I want my guests to be surprised when they show up, and many of them are reading this :)

So far things have been going pretty smoothly. I am having the wedding and ceremony in a hotel- that that cut back on dealing with and finding A LOT of vendors. I was also lucky to have a recommendation for an officiant, if I hadn't gotten that recommendation, I would STILL be searching for someone.

A big issue I am running into now is finding a linen vendor. It's not even that I can't find the linens that I want, I haven't even been able to FIND a lot of vendors. The guy who did my flowers got me some quotes but I would like to look other places since these prices seem a bit expensive... almost $40 PER table? You've got to be kidding me...

Sooo... do any of you out there have any suggestions? If you are in the MD/DC area do you have any recommendations? I need help!!!

***Well apparently $40.00 is pretty standard. Sooo I have some decisions to make...

Thanks Mrs. B for your advice... smooches :)

McFatty Monday- One month down... Kinda

2010-01-31T22:33:00.001-05:00

SO I have been working out for 20 days. Hot-damn that's a long time for me! I am showing no signs of stopping and it makes me reallyreallyreallyreallyreallyreally excited. I'm not sure if it's my wedding, my baby, my man, my self esteem, or the flex sched I now have... but whatever it is seems to be working.

I have a few deadlines I need to meet, however I don't plan to stuff my face and re-create the body mold in my couch after the wedding. Remember most of the things I am doing are meant for lifestyle changes. In reality though, having the wedding deadlines are awesome. I really feel like I gave myself enough time to lose weight and get hawt in a healthy amount of time. Maybe after the wedding all I will need to concentrate on is maintaining my results? One can only hope.

Deadline #1 March 1st: My first dress fitting. Even though I still have another fitting after this- I still made it a deadline. My next one, is a few weeks after so I won't really have the time to do a lot of work if I am not at a certain point. This gives me the whole month of February to really buckle down. I think I am going to go a bit stricter on my diet and not take the weekends off. So far I have just been working out Mon-Fri and pretty much doing/eating whatever I wanted too on the weekends.

Deadline #2 March 29th: This is it. Since this is my last fitting I REALLY don't want to lose or gain any weight before the wedding. They are going to make the dress fit perfectly for how my body is on that day soooo I need to keep it that way. So really I have almost another 2 months to get where I want to be. I think I can do this!

SO I betcha wanna know how I did last week, right? Well, again, I didn't lose any weight.

The weight thing didn't really get to me though, I had something much better than numbers on a scale to tell me how I am progressing. J touched my stomach and said "Whoa where did that go?" OMIGAWD OMIGAWD!!! Needless to say I walked with my head a bit higher for the rest of the day. I'm really glad he noticed. When you see someone everyday it's hard to notice changes like that soooo basically I feel awesome :)

I worked out every day this week and did the extra 150 crunches on all days except one because again I forgot to do the final 50 or so. I realized I have to do all of them at once or I will just forget. My gorgeous, cheeky, big blue eyed, dollface, babygirl keeps me pretty distracted. I did the crunches right after the workout- seemed to work well. I also added 3 sets of chest flies because I want to get rid of the "boob-fat" you know that chunk of fluff between your underarms and boobs that sticks out when you wear a tank top? Yea I really don't want that anymore...

Anyways I have written far too much and anyone who is still reading, well you're pretty awesome.

This weeks goals are:

200 extra crunches
3 set of chest flies
continue working out everyday
NO BREAKS ON THE WEEKEND- even if I can't get a full work out in I will at least do the crunches and chest flies

This is the week I start level three of the shred, I hope it doesn't kill me!!

Here's to getting fit and healthy!

Save/Splurge Beauty Products

2010-01-31T17:11:00.000-05:00

I am a self proclaimed product junkie.

I love ALL beauty products from make up to skin care... everything!!!

Being a stay at home mom has forced me to give up some of my favorite products. Luckily I have been able to find cheaper products that work just as well :)

If you ladies are in the mood to splurge I suggest one of the first brands you go to is Bliss. My FAVORITE lotion of all time is their Vanilla and Bergamot body butter. The lotion smells UH-MAZING and it is so rich and creamy you stay moisturized for hours.

The problem with this is when you are on a strict budget. It costs $35.00 a pop!!!! Depending on how dry or sensitive your skin is you can go through this stuff in as little as two weeks! I needed to move to something that would last longer, was more practical for my bank account, but would still keep my skin soft and smooth.

I turned to Suave Lavender and Vanilla lotion.

It works like a charm and is around $4.00 each. It lasts longer as well, I only have to buy new lotion about once a month- maybe a little longer.

If you have any Save/splurge items you'd like to recommend please feel free! I love finding cheaper alternatives- anything that is easier on my wallet is definitely a plus :)

Day 20!!!

2010-01-29T17:13:00.000-05:00

I have just completed day 20 and the final day of level 2.

I fear for the future...

To be completely honest I could barely keep up with level two the first week- I don't think I was ready to move up from level one. I wanted to do each of the levels for ten days so to complete the 30 day shred as it was intended- so I will continue to do so. I don't think I am near where I need to be to do well at level three but I will do my best. One good thing about this is that after the 30 days I can still go back to the "easier" levels and still get a great work out from it. One month I may strive to complete all three levels perfectly, then go back and try to complete all levels following Natalie (the more advanced gal) and things like that. Anything to get as much use out of the dvd as possible and to keep my body challenged.

I really think this work out was made for me- the circuit concept is just perfect for keeping me from getting bored. I think I lost one or two pounds this week but my trusty scale is having some technical difficulties today so I can't be certain.

I will be updating again on Monday to participate in McFatty Monday so I will give more detail then! For now I am going to go sprawl out and hope beebs wants to stay asleep till daddy gets home.

So long, Farewell, Auf weidersehen, Good-bye

2010-01-28T13:35:00.000-05:00

We rid ourselves of the precious swaddle this week and not a moment too soon. The swaddle seemed to save our lives not to mention our sanity. For awhile she wouldn't sleep more than 10-15 minutes unless she was all bundled up in the swaddle.However, recently she had been having these crying fits while sleeping, actually sleeping problems in general. We couldn't figure out the problem and chalked it up to: growth spurt,a random wonder week, early 4 month wakefull?!?! Needless to say we had run out of ideas and were just trying to grin and bear it and hope this phase would pass.

During one of her scream fests I walked over to her crib and happened to notice her body was feeling unusually warm. I open the swaddle and to my shock and embarrassment she was drenched in sweat. I was over-heating my poor little cupcake- she was crying because she was so freaking hot in that thing! Her room is one of the coldest in the house and it's winter time so I was very concerned about her getting cold. It never once crossed my mind that she could be getting too hot!!

So as she is growing as learning new skills looks like I need to put together a new list of items that have been helpful. Some of the items we are still using everyday, like the PnP and the boppy, but some aren't as exciting anymore, like the activity mat. So stayed tuned in the next month or so for an updated list!!

Wishful Wednesday... Superwoman!

2010-01-27T17:17:00.000-05:00

Wishful Wednesday comes from my friend's blog, which you can find here.

I wish I could be a combination of Rosanne, Martha Stewart, and Jo aka Super Nanny.

I would love to have Rosanne's wit, Martha's ability to be the ultimate domestic goddess, and Jo's knowledge of child behavior and development.

These three things would pretty much make me the ultimate woman.

My first real snuggle

2010-01-26T09:32:00.000-05:00

Dear Bebe,

This morning I got my first real snuggle out of you. You fell asleep in my arms, no bottle attached, no rocking and walking around, you just fell asleep laying down with me on the couch. This is definitely one of my favorite moments with you. I have wanted a real snuggle since before you were born. Instead of immediately putting you in your crib I layed with you and enjoyed this moment as long as I could. I stroked your hair, kissed your head,I found it hard not to pinch those cheekies, but I didn't want to wake you :)

These moments always take me to daydreams about who you will be when your personality starts to show. I often find myself wondering who's personality will you get, mine or daddy's, or will you have one all your own?

I've noticed you already have your daddy's temper- even Aunt Missy says when you are screaming you look just like he did when he was a baby. I wonder if you will get his smarts or his sense of humor. These are two of my favorite qualities in him. He is the smartest person I know and much to my frustration pretty much always right. He is also hilarious and always keeps me laughing.

I can already tell you've got your mommy's bratty attitude- when you don't get what you want you scream :) I wonder if you'll have a passion for love like I do, or if you'll wear your heart on your sleeve.

Either way I know you are going to be great. As your mother I hope to guide you and help give you the proper tools so that you can do anything you set your heart to. I want the best for you... oh my goodness do I want the best for you.

Is that you I hear in your crib giggling and cooing away? I absolutely love to go see you smiling and happy in your crib, I love even more when you look up at me with those big beautiful blue eyes and give me a great big gummy smile. These moments only last for so long so I need to get going and enjoy them while I still can.

I love you bebe.

McFatty Monday...we meet again.

2010-01-25T09:11:00.000-05:00

So how did I do last week? I suppose I did , OK- nothing special though.

The good? No weight gain and starting to notice physical changes. I THINK my waist shrunk just a bit. I also have noticed a change in my legs. Now I am no where near bikini- er should I say bathing suit ready... BUT it's a start.

The Bad? I only worked out 4 days last week- and I had one day of weakness and my diet really suffered. I did crunches everyday, but didn't make the 100 everyday. Honestly, sometimes I just plain forgot. I had a baby that was testing my sanity and I just couldn't finish the extra crunches. Some days I only did 50, but it is still something. I also didn't lose any weight. These last ten pounds have been so freaking hard to lose.

The Ugly? Still hate the way I look in the mirror. I know I still have a ways to go and even at the end of the 30 days I will not be where I want to be. Please PLEASE for the love of all that is good, just let me be a hawt momma in time for my wedding. I'd prefer it in time for my dress fitting, bridal shower, and bach party but that might be asking for too much :)

Back to the good... Even though I missed a day last week- I have still be working out more than I have in years so I am still moving forward. This will be the final 5 days on level two of the shred. Level two is SO HARD. I don't think I was really ready for it but I wanted to do the 10 days for each level so I moved up. After the 30 days I maybe go back and take my time through the levels- or I might just go back to do level two and three... we'll see.

So what's new for this week:
- Hopefully lose a pound.
- Extra 150 crunches
- Keep working out and eating healthy everyday

Here's to losing weight, being healthy and looking hot!!!

McFatty Monday

2010-01-18T09:27:00.000-05:00

The idea of McFatty Monday comes from here This is a way to keep people motivated and on track with their fitness/health goals.

I am on week 3 (or day 11) of the 30 day shred, have lost 2 pounds and will be starting level 2 today.

Inspiration this week?

My goals?

- I'd love to lose another pound!
- Continue to work out Monday- Friday
- Continue to eat well everyday
- Add an extra 100 crunches to my daily work out

Accomplishments? Yes! This is the longest I have kept up with a work out routine, and the most I have worked out in years. 5 out of 7 days is a huge step for me and I have no plans of stopping! It makes me more and more confident I will stick to it this time and give my self the healthy (and hopefully hawt) body I have wanted for so long!

Goodnight Moon

2010-01-15T23:18:00.000-05:00

To My Sweet Little Cupcake,

Just a week ago you turned three months old. Three months...seems like a lifetime since I first held you in my arms. You have grown so much and I have been lucky enough to watch every moment of it. You are really grasping things now- like the rattle on Mr. Octopus when he dangles over your head. The first time I saw you do this I screamed out " she's grabbing she's grabbing!" even though no one else was home- I also added a "great job bebe, you are so amazing" because you are. Everyday you are growing and learning and I love every second of it.

I have been waiting for the moment you reach your arms out to give me a hug, for now I will settle with an extra strong arm grab when you first wake up, or a sweet nuzzle into my chest after you stretch your arms, or even holding my fingers when you are eating and playing. I also can't wait to hear you say "mommy" but for now I will settle for the sweet coos you make after you see me when you first wake up or or the shrieks of happiness you make when we smile at each other. I know the moments I long for will come too soon so I am soaking in all that I can each and every day.

As I write this you are laying next to me, asleep for the night, but not in your crib. No... tonight you will sleep next to me with the soft blanky and the ocean music of dozy dolphin. Tonight I will fall asleep to the sound of your breathing and the binky. You are so beautiful and so precious. Those big blue eyes and those squishy cheeks...

Goodnight baby girl, I love you so much.

::*muah* and a tap on the nose::

Day 10

2010-01-15T19:09:00.000-05:00

I made it through the first 10 days!!!

Sorry folks I haven't turned into a flat tummied super model yet. I feel more fit and in shape but have to admit when I look in the mirror and still see the post preg pouch I get misty eyed and disappointed. I then remind myself that soon I will look into the mirror and hopefully see what I want to see. I just have to stick with it.

Some good things?

- I feel a difference in my body and my endurance. I am ready to push myself more and can feel myself getting stronger.

- There are SLIGHT and I mean SLIGHT changes in my body. Nothing noticeable to the outside work but I can feel the muscle tone started to peak through.

- Last time I hopped on the scale I had lost a pound. I usually weigh myself on Saturday so I am hoping to see a lower number tomorrow morning as well :)

Next week I will start level two of the shred- hopefully I can keep up!!!

Oh and about those creams? Yea I pretty much gave up on the "fat girl slim" I just really don't like the smell. I still like "the love handler" because of the smell and the tingly on my tummy, I haven't been diligent in using it everyday though.

Iwillgetinshape Iwillgetinshape Iwillgetinshape...

2010-01-05T13:40:00.000-05:00

OK, I'm serious now. For reals. I am going to do this. I ate pretty healthy and did the shred yesterday. I need to do the same thing today, and tomorrow, and for the rest of the week, and next week, and so on until forever! This is all about getting healthy and looking better. I have enlisted a trifecta of fat burning, body slimming tools:

#1 The Jilliam Michael's 30 day shred. Jillian is awesome, I trust what she has to say and hope I can push myself hard enough to see the results I want!

#2 The Lovehandler. OK, so I'm not sure if this does what it says it does HOWEVER I like the smell, it's tingly and doesn't dry very fast so it makes you aware of your tummy. Being aware of your tummy can help remind you to do those extra crunches and reach for fruit instead of something fatty.

#3 Fatgirlslim. Same goes with this one. Not totally sure if it delivers what it says, but I heard from someone second hand that it worked. I'm actually not a fan of the way this one smells, but it I'm gonna try it for the recommended four weeks and hope for the best!

Also? I am kind of a product whore and buy on impulse. I bought these creams awhile ago and couldn't use them while pregnant so I needed an excuse to finally use them or it woulda been a huge waste of money :) Feel free to go purchase them if you like, but I will wait to give my full recommendation until after I have used the products for a few weeks.

So back to the whole getting slim getting healthy bit. I am REALLY going to try this time. In the past I have always made excuses like "it's cold out" or "I just had a really bad day and deserve something fatty to make up for it" No more! I'm also not going to restrict myself. My "diet" is really just eating more fruits and veggies. When going out to eat or ordering in I am going to try to remind myself to order a healthier option. In the grand scheme of things if I eat something healthy there are many benefits and I feel better after. I know as long as I watch my portions and choose the healthier option 90% of the time I can get away with some sweet indulgences every once in awhile ;)

Since the 30 day shred is supposed to be split up in 10 days (10 days level 1, 10 days level 2, 10 days level 3) I will update on Day 10 Day 20 and Day 30. I'll try to also give updates on any other changes I notice along the way- but def on those three days.

First change I noticed? Just after the first day of working out I feel better. i want to work out harder and my body just feels different. It's tough to explain but it is definitely motivating :)

"I'm so happy I'm terrified"

2010-01-01T10:24:00.000-05:00

Remember when Charlotte said this in the SATC movie? This is kind of how I feel. Like when is it all gonna come to a screeching halt. When will the bad seep back in... I have been so nervous moving on to 2010 wondering what this year could possibly have in store for me.

Keeping in the tradition of starting fresh and new years resolutions here is what I hope to change/accomplish in the new year:

I'd like to have more patience, be a better person and be someone my daughter can look up to and is proud of. I want to be her best friend, her "go-to" person, someone she respects. I want to hear " One day I wanna be just like you mommy!" and I want her to mean it :)

I'd like to "let go" of some things. Well... a lot of things, but I'll settle for a few. I have a lot of regrets, what ifs and woulda shoulda coulda's that bring a lot of negative weight in my life. I don't know why letting go is so hard, but it is. I know I will be happier and better off, it's just something I have been struggling with.

I'd like to be healthier. I don't just want to lose weight or tone up- I really want to be all around healthy. I want to get in a good fitness routine and eat well at least 80% of the time. If I start trying to change this now, hopefully these healthy habits will stick and I can teach them to my daughter. I feel like I wouldn't hate exercising so much now, or I'd like comfort food less now if I had practiced being healthier earlier in my life.

So cheers everyone and happy new year!!!

Oh and I am crossing my fingers for no BFPs this year...Brantini, Stef, Alena, Lubs, and Fancy Pants you know what I'm talking about!!!

Baby Necessities

2009-12-20T12:43:00.000-05:00

I have put together 8 of the most important items I have used for my daughter. When becoming a new parent you never know what to expect. Although every baby is different, I tried to put together a list that would be useful for everyone:

1. The Kiddopotamous swaddleme... oh how this has saved my life every.single.day. Swaddling with a blanket just can't hold up to a baby's strength. The swaddleme closes with velcro and works like a charm.

2. Pack and play with a changer. Sorry the picture is blurry- I did my best. We have a pink Graco one and keep it in the living room. We don't really use it other than the changer but it makes changing diapers soooo convenient. Actually I keep dirty clothes in the "bed" part of it- but hey it's still super useful and I recommend if you are getting a PnP to get one with a changer included!

3.Baby carrier. I waited way too long to buy one of these. It makes leaving the house much much easier. Carrying a car seat around sucks. Lugging a stroller around sucks too. The one pictured is the Infantino Euro Rider, I have this- it's a much cheaper option than the baby Bjorn.

4. This may look like a regular old newborn outfit HOWEVER there is one key part of the shirt that makes all the difference. At the ends of the arms there is a place to cover the baby's hands. This really comes in handy in the beginning and I recommend getting a lot of these shirts(or taking a bunch home from the hospital, I wish I would have taken more :)) Babies have a tendency to scratch themselves when they are mad and having their hands covered helps prevent that. I have the one that is pictured- it is a Ralph Lauren kimono outfit. I don't really use the pants, but the top gets used all the time.

5.Receiving blankets. You seriously can't have enough of these. Really. Like 10 isn't enough. Unless you want to be doing laundry much more often than necessary. Oh and don't buy cute ones either- you won't want to dirty them (I don't care what anyone else says).

6. Babylegs. Not only are these adorable but they are practical too. They keep your baby's legs warm without using pants. They make changing diapers so much easier... I also think they are much cuter than baby pants :)

7. A diamond studded binky- everyone who is anyone needs it...just kidding. Regular old binkies though? Def a necessity. Some mom's don't like to use them, but personally I would be lost without one. It has helped my baby learn to self sooth- helps with sleeping through the night and all in all helps with my sanity. I suggest buying a few different brands. This is because not every brand works for every baby. For example the Mams brand pacifiers don't work with my baby, not sure if it is the size or what but she doesn't like them. She will only use the Avent pacifiers.

8. A play mat. This particular one is what we have and is the Baby Einstein Neptune Ocean play mat. My little girl loves this- there are lights, music, toys that make noise, teether, different textures- just a really well rounded toy. This is not only makes baby happy, but it teaches them as well.

There are certainly other necessities you can't live without, like diapers, wipes bottles and formula (even if it's for back up) but those are a given.

Also? For mom's that want to go back to work, or aren't hardcore about strictly breastfeeding but still want baby to get breast milk, I definitely recommend an electric pump (double preferably). An expensive one. It's worth it and you get your monies worth in the end- promise. If you've decided to breastfeed/pump you need lots of lanolin nipple cream as well. I exclusively pump and although I received a lot for negative feedback for it, I preferred it to breast feeding.

Another question that moms to be love to ask is what kind of diaper bag they should use. I didn't add this item to my list because although it is a necessity, the one I have sucks. I bought it off ebay trying to save some money and am really not pleased with it. It's hard trying to find an affordable, functional decent looking diaper bag. Once I find one that is cute and functional I'll let ya know.

Oh shoot...I knew there was something I forgot to put on here... the boppy pillow. It is supposed to be used to help with breastfeeding- but it does so much more. We use it every night when putting Lils to bed. We prop her up on it and it helps her sleep.

***I am in no way an expert, and will not pretend to be. Every baby is different and every parent's preference and experience is different; I just felt these things were general enough to use across the board***

"And in this moment I am happy..."

2009-12-14T17:30:00.000-05:00

Recently my friend MP made a post about things that makes her happy and even gave me a nice little shout out :) She got this idea from a friend of hers who also wrote about things that make her happy. I decided to keep with the happy posts (and hopefully inspire my other readers to follow) and make my own list:

1) 10:45 PM or whatever my bed time is that night. This is after the baby has been put in her crib for the night and we make our way to bed. As soon as my head hits the pillow a sense of relaxation runs through my body. Even if it's just for a few moments I feel completely calm and it is just so refreshing. I realize not everyone with a newborn gets this luxury, which makes me appreciate it even more. Having a baby (actually grown up life in general) is so exhausting the moments when you can just lay down and completely relax are priceless.

2) The Chew or Chewy. She is my dog, I love her like a child! People said things would change once I had a baby of my own- but I still consider the chew my baby too :) She is a doxie (hot dog, dog) and full of personality! We were worried about how she would be with the baby but she has been so good, so we are very relieved.

3)Monday Funday with Jdance. The type of job she has gives her a non-traditional work schedule. She is always off on Mondays and I always go to her house to hang out during the day. It's nothing too glamorous but we have a lot of fun!! During the week for the most part it's just me and the baby, and while I love spending time with her, it's nice to have another adult around to talk to. I'm pretty sure it's one of the big reasons I have stayed sane since I stopped working :)

4)My bridesmaids- CK, Bets, Little, Holland #2, and Miss. They all have touched my heart in one way or another since I have known them. Each of them means a lot to me and I feel honored to have them part of my wedding.

5) Jdance going above and beyond the call of duty as maid of honor. She has helped me with a lot of the planning and set up of my wedding. She even agreed to sit through my bridal hair and make up trials just so I can get her opinion!

6) Going to NYC for NYE. I visited the city last year in January for the first time and really enjoyed it. I can't wait to go again this year!

7) The Baby Einstein Ocean Wonders play mat. This thing has.it.all. It has a rattle, stuffed animals, lights, music, dangley thingies, even a toy that doubles as a teether! I put Lils on it to play everyday, not only does it make her smile but she is learning as well- can't beat that!

8) My body getting closer to being back to normal. I have 11 more pounds to lose to get back to pre-preg and my stretch marks are getting lighter. I can see the light at the end of the tunnel and have faith I will at least be back to my pre preg size by my wedding.

9) Sexy one-piece bathing suits. Right after I had Lils I had some freak out moments thinking about what the hell I was suppose to wear when I went to the beach. Would I be doomed to wear cover ups for the rest of my life??? Then I was reminded that there are some cute, young , sexy one-pieces I could wear that would cover those evil stretch marks without stripping me of my youth!

10) The scent of lavender and vanilla. Preferably mixed together, but I like them separate as well. Anything I buy that has a fragrance HAS to be either lavender or vanilla or a combination of both.

Wait a second didn't I leave out a few important people? Obviously J, Lils, my family etc. make me happy. I feel like my blog is stuffed with mushy shout outs to my loved ones and wanted to give you all a break from the lovey dovey overload :)

I would love if Mrs. B, The Charming Chandlers, and Stephanie would all follow suit and post about what makes them happy :)

Also, I suggest you check out MP's blog it's really entertaining and full of fun creative projects and ideas. You can find her at: http://whatabigtodo.blogspot.com/
***I apologize if it's not clicky- I have a MAC and depending on the website, links don't show up clicky***

My daughter is 2 months today :)

2009-12-10T12:43:00.000-05:00

My precious girl is 2 months today!!!!!

Milestones:

1) Sleeping through the night... in her crib too! She also knows how to self-soothe (score!) She has been doing this for awhile now, no sleep training required. I'm not opposed to sleep training or schedules (every baby is different) but in my personal opinion she was too young to sleep train and trying to force her into a schedule was never gonna happen. I let her set her own schedule and luckily for me the times she chooses to fall asleep and wake up are around the same time I would be going to bed and getting up. She so smart already :) As for the self soothing- I discovered she knew how to do this when she dozed off in my arms, I put her in her crib and she woke up. Since she wasn't fussing I decided what the heck maybe she'll be able to go back to sleep- and she did. I was so surprised and so proud :)

*Wanna know what other things we did to help her sleep better and longer? We put her in a swaddle- no not the blanket that they teach you about- a swaddle that has velcro so it stays shut. This thing is a LIFE SAVER- we only have two I'd love to buy more because we have to wash them pretty frequently (spit up anyone?). Also, and I have to give credit to my friend Stephanie for this- having her sleep propped up on the bobby. We suspected she had reflux and I spoke to Stephanie about this since she was going through the same thing, she recommended the Nap Nanny. The Nap Nanny is expensive, but the idea is to have the baby sleeping propped up a bit. I decided to take their idea and make do with that I had. SUCCESS! It works like a charm! The boppy pillow really has so many uses it's another baby item no mother should be without. Introducing the pacifier was a savior as well. Some mom's don't like to this this, but I found it very helpful in her learning to self sooth and for my own sanity.

2) She knows how to use her hands. Oh man- this is one of my proudest discoveries. I feel like she has always been aware of her hands, but more recently she has been "using" them. She also doesn't claw her face off anymore when she is screaming which is freaking awesome. Having a baby in the car seat screaming, knowing she is scratching herself and you can't do anything about it, sucks. REALLY sucks. Especially when you have to look at the damage afterward. Anyways, back to using her hands. She has started to grab things. Also? I looked over at her one day and noticed her HOLDING HER BINKY TO HER MOUTH! When I have a bottle or bring the binky to her mouth she will pull it closer- or if she doesn't want it she will swat it away. It's freaking awesome. She also grabs my arm when I hold her- it makes me melt every time- since she is too young to really give me a hug it's the closest thing I can get and I love it :)

3) The baby babble. Oh how I love the baby babble. I can get so caught up in watching her coo, I almost forget that I need to be talking to her as well, especially when she is making noises at toys she likes. I love watching her smile and coo when I lay her on the activity mat for playtime. Or at the Christmas decorations, or the big balloon in the hallway, or the picture on the wall (I actually told J I didn't like when he first bought it 2 years ago I guess it's a good thing he kept it!). I especially love when she looks at me and coos and smiles. Hearing her make noises that aren't crying related really makes me smile.

4) She recognizes things!! She can tell when I bring her the bottle. I noticed this when she calmed down as soon as she saw me bring the bottle closer to her mouth. It was so precious. What's even more cute are the faces she makes when she DOESN'T want something. She gets a very disappointed look on her face if I give her the binky when she really wants a bottle. She also makes this face when she doesn't want the bottle anymore.

5) She is learning to communicate (other than just screaming)- 2&3 fit in with this but I thought they deserved their own sections. She is starting to use other sounds and gestures to let me know what she really wants. She doesn't always just resort to crying anymore. This has been great because I can tell the difference of her being bored or uncomfortable to her being hungry or being tired. When she is hungry, tired or cold she cries, screams even. Each has a different scream though and usually if I can get the bottle to her fast enough she doesn't go nuts. When she is tired she does go nuts, haven't figured that one out yet. When she is cold, there is not much I can do- she gets cold when moving her from towel to bath, bath to towel- this is the worst cry :( When she is done playing on her activity mat, in her crib or whenever she is laying, she makes short little "wah" noses and has a frown on her face.

It is incredible to watch your child grown, learn, and change right before your eyes! People told me things would change, that this was hard, exhausting, rewarding and all of those things are true, however, there was one thing that was left out. The sense of pride you feel for your child. It is almost indescribable. I am so proud of the way she is developing and the things she is doing. It's amazing to watch the progression of her development when she started out basically a blank slate, relying only on primal instincts. She is growing more and more each day, I can't wait to see what happens next!

Here is a picture of her in my FAV outfit on her. I wish I could find the hoody in all different colors- I would have her wear one everyday!

Are you there, Rum? It's me Holls...

2009-12-08T12:21:00.000-05:00

It's nothing new that this time of year is hectic- however add a newborn and an upcoming wedding and things get a bit more complicated.

I decided to brave Bethesda with the bebeh yesterday (well I actually had no choice) and the outcome? Success!!! My arms are sore from carrying her all over the place in the car seat- but she slept basically the whole time so, I'll take it! Leaving the house with the baby is such a daunting task, it makes thing a million times more complicated. Should I take the stroller? Should I just leave her in the car seat? Can I carry the car seat that far? Can I just carry her? Will I be able to carry her and the items I bought and my purse and my diaper bag? Do I even have my diaper bag? Did I remember a bottle? Wipes? Extra outfit? Blanket? Binky? Diapers? Wipes? Will she have a melt down? Will I have a meltdown?!

Ugh it's exhausting just thinking about it!

One of the things I had to do while I was out was meet with a florist to discuss the flowers for my wedding. I asked Jdance to come with per usual. By the end of the meeting we had picked out my and my bridesmaids bouquets, the floral arrangements for the ceremony, centerpieces, mom and MIL corsages, and all the men's flowers. It feels like such a relief to cross that item off my endless wedding to-do list. Just thinking about it makes me so excited. I can't wait for the demo so J can see what I picked out. I am very happy he trusts my taste enough to let me take control over the general decor and theme of the wedding. I would post pictures but there are certain folks that are reading this that need to be surprised!

Speaking of that there are still a few save the dates I haven't sent out and need to do so ASAP- crap, I knew I was forgetting something...

Aaaanyways other fun upcoming wedding plans are two of my fav things: Hair and make up. I'm doing a hair trial on Friday (yaaay) and currently in the process of finding a make up artist. We're also meeting with a potential officiant in two weeks- he was recommended by a friend AND he's inexpensive so I am thinking this one is a no-brainer.

The closer the wedding gets the more nervous I get about it all coming together. Originally I was going to try a lot of DIY things for the decorations to save money. However, at the end of the day I feared my guests would walk into a room that looked as though a five year old decorated it instead of seeing something fabulous. I received some great ideas and would recommend them to others, but whenever I have tried to be creative it always comes out a mess- I did NOT want to take that kind of risk on my wedding. So, I am leaving it to the professionals- luckily there are still ways to save money- like choosing flowers that are in season, killer negotiation skills (or having someone close to you with killer negotiating skills, thank you J), and finding vendors that offer deals with multiple purchases.

Man all this wedding stuff totally has me out of sync with the holiday season. Normally I love the holidays and gift giving and all the warm fuzzies that come with it, but this year it's pretty much the last thing on my mind. I am hoping next year I will get a chance to devote more time to it. I was really looking forward to going all out with the decorations, making and decorating cookies with my future step son, taking a really great holiday picture for the holiday card, having the perfect outfit for my little girl. Looks like things will not be going according to plan this year, so fitting consider NOTHING this year has gone according to plan, I'll try again next year :)

One Day Late...

2009-11-27T22:28:00.000-05:00

Thanksgiving was a hectic day- so hectic that I fell asleep before I could even think about what I am thankful for. So now as my daughter and my love are sleeping, I have a chance to reflect:

I am thankful for Jdance. I have known her forever, I speak to her multiple times almost everyday and I don't know what I would do without her. I don't think I could thank her enough for what she has done for me.

I am thankful for all of my amazing friends. I don't think I can express enough how much their love and support means to me.

I am thankful for the girls I met on TB (you know who you are!) that helped me through the "unknowns" of pregnancy. Those months would have been a helluva lot harder without your support, stories, and tough love.

I am thankful that I can finally stop living with regrets and appreciate all the twists and turns my life has taken. All the good and bad experiences got me where I am today, which is exactly where I want to be.

I am thankful for my family and their unconditional love. Mom and Dad, I love you so much and will never be able to repay you for all the good you have done for me- but I sure will try :)

I am thankful I still get to watch my little brother grow up, even though I have moved out.

I am thankful for my future step son and that he is so sweet with his little sister.

I am thankful to be marrying into one of the best families I have ever seen- my daughter will grow up surrounded by so much love I couldn't ask for anything better.

I am thankful for my future mother in law and sister in law. They are two of my favorite people, I am so happy to have them in my life.

I am thankful for having such an easy labor (even though it was still traumatizing!)

I am thankful for my daughter and that she is healthy and smiling, and coos, and is so darn cute I can't take it and those big blue eyes and the way she moves her mouth right before she is about to cry, and when she looks at me when she is eating, and when J holds her and she looks over his shoulder, and I could go on forever...

I am thankful that although J saw the the horrific gory details of labor- he still thinks I am beautiful.

I am thankful I found J or that he found me. He is my everything. He has made me a better person and happier than I can ever imagine. He is amazing, I can't and will not imagine life without him.

Now... mama is tired and talking about J makes me want to go hold him close- so that is exactly what I am going to do! G'night all!

*muah*

I held my daughter today

2009-11-24T16:38:00.001-05:00

I held my daughter today. Not because she was screaming and I needed to calm her down, or feed her,or rock her to sleep. I just held her. I did it because I could, because she is so small, because I love the way she grabs my arm and how she rocks her head and looks at the world around her with those big beautiful eyes. I held her because I could. It felt amazing.

These past 6 weeks have not been easy. Dealing with colic or reflux or a generally fussy baby has been exhausting. Mentally and physically. It took a lot out of me trying to soothe her and figuring out after the 6th time of trying to give her the bottle, or burp her, or rock her, that maybe she just wanted to cry. I haven't been able to enjoy her as much as I'd like too- it's hard. It's HARD, really hard, like nothing you can ever imagine. However, today was different. I held her peacefully, I closed my eyes and rubbed her head against my cheek. I stroked her hair, I kissed those cute as hell chubby cheeks and I held her. It felt amazing.

The bonus? Lost of smiles. She smiles now... a lot. It makes the times when she is screaming much easier to get through. I know she will be smiling again, she always does. She smiles when I call her precious girl and touch her nose, she smiles when J goes in for a kiss, she smiles when I rub her head when she has just woken up. She smiles now and it's wonderful.

"Do you, do you like dreaming of things so impossible?"

2009-11-23T20:58:00.000-05:00

"Or only the practical? Or out of this world? Waiting through all your bad bad days just to end them with someone you care about..." So Impossible by Dashboard Confessional.

This is one of my favorite songs of all time. It's about just meeting someone you're interested in and wanting to learn everything about them. It's romantic and makes my heart swoon whenever I hear it. It makes me feel "young again" even though I know I'm not old. It also reminds me of a time in my life where I was more in tuned with my emotions. I used to spend a lot of time dreaming and writing and thinking. Now I spend my time more realistically, I don't search through songs and books for the perfect quote to match my mood that day- I don't take the time for introspection about my thoughts or what is going on in my life. These things just aren't practical and are too time consuming and wouldn't have an affect on anyone else if I didn't do them. However, remembering this part of my life, I remember how much happiness it would give me- how it was such a big part of who I was, I guess who I still am. It used to be like therapy to me, and I would come out feeling energized and ready to take on the world. I was able to go through each of my emotions and deal with them and come out with a new perspective.

I think maybe this side of me has resurfaced- and it's about time.

"And When The Day Is Done My Momma's Still My Biggest Fan"

2009-11-19T17:49:00.000-05:00

I don't know what line is more true than that. I don't know why this just suddenly clicked today- I have listened to that song a million times and never thought anything of it. Today, however, a light bulb went off. My mom really is my biggest fan! She is always proud of me and will take any excuse to brag- even when I have done things that have without a doubt disappointed her, embarrassed her and even hurt her feelings.

No matter what she is always on my side- I remember one time when I scratched some guy's car (actually I argue he scratched mine- we sort of rubbed each other on the road, very weird. Even weirder he tried asking me out on a date after all this...but back to the story) both his parents called me on three way to try and intimidate me- when I told my mom about it she said- and I quote "nobody messes with my daughter!" I was young and new to driving and it felt so good to have her on my side.

Now that I have my own daughter I find myself wondering what our relationship will be. Will I be a good mother? Will she feel like she can talk to me about anything? How can I make sure she trusts me? How can I make sure to raise her to fully meet her potential? These are only a few of the millions of questions I ask myself when thinking about how I will be as a mother. I hope she will always know that she can count on me for anything at anytime, just like I know I can count on my mom.

Oh and if you are wondering, the song is "Who I Am" by Jessica Andrews it's a great song!

Here comes the bride!!!

2009-11-16T17:33:00.000-05:00

So I went and picked out my wedding dress today. I went with my BFF and maid of honor... we'll call her Jdance... My future sister in law (also a bridesmaid)we'll call her Miss... and my mom (of course!!). It was so surreal. I think I am still in shock that I actually experienced this. At first I was worried I wouldn't like anything on me because of my size (here's where that dreaded triple P comes in) and the first few dresses were nothing special. I kept looking at Jdance, Miss and my mom hoping to see a good reaction- but nothing- they weren't too impressed either. Or one of them would like one dress and the other wouldn't really like it. I wanted all three of them to love my dress.

Then there was one... I really thought it was going to look just OK but as soon as I put it on I was shocked. I loved it- it looked like a "Holls" dress. Sparkley, form fitted, mermaid, a-symmetrical, STUNNING. I walked out- nervous and hoping they girls would feel the same and they did! As soon as they saw me I knew I had their approval. They all loved it. I added a veil and headpiece to get the real feel and it just made the over all look that much better. I really looked like I was ready to get married!

I almost didn't try on any other dresses- but there was one we had all been eying and decided what the hell couldn't hurt to try it on. This dress was beautiful- a perfect bridal dress. It was fitted at the top and poofy at the bottom with random flowers bunched up- it was such a classic dress. I felt like a real bride in this dress- it was really fabulous. However, there was one thing missing. The sparkle. I can't live with out the sparkle. It just wouldn't be a "Holls" dress if it was missing.

I put "the dress" back on and the girls immediately saw it was the right dress. They could tell by my face that is one was perfect. You really do "just know" when you put on the right dress.

So- thank you to my awesome mother- we purchased the stunning sparkly dress. I would post pictures- but don't want to give it away just yet :)

Holy crap I can't believe I just picked out my wedding dress. Seriously... did I really just do that???? I have been dreaming about this dress for my whole life and I finally have it!!!

The dreaded triple "P"

2009-11-11T16:45:00.000-05:00

AKA Post Pregnancy Pouch. It's something you can only understand after you have had a baby. We all dread the way we will look after giving birth- but have no clue how annoying it is until we experience it for ourselves. I have 15 more pounds to lose to get back to my pre-preg weight. Not to mention I want to look like a hawt mama for my wedding and honeymoon- you'd think that would be motivation- however here I am typing out a blog post instead of doing my time on the elliptical (that I nagged and nagged my fiancee to pull out so I could get in shape).

I just don't feeeeeeel like going ALL the way down stairs right now- I mean in between feedings, changing, calming, and cleaning sitting down for a little while seems really necessary. However I know in a few weeks if I keep this up I will remind myself that if I had just taken the time to do it, I would already see results. I only worked out once this week- I swore I would do it everyday, or at least three times a week.

I really need to get myself into a routine and force myself to get in shape! Not only to look better, but to be healthier. Maybe tomorrow will be different...

A side note:

Mom- I love you very much and really appreciate everything you do for me (including watching baby Samantha while I indulge in some shopping and cocktails with my BFF tomorrow:))

Happy One Month Little Cupcake!!!

2009-11-10T14:08:00.001-05:00

My little one is one month today :) I really can't believe the time has gone by so fast. I know everyone says that, but really. I'm STILL trying to wrap my head around the fact I actually gave birth and she is already a month old??

Here are some pictures from when she was first born:

Aaaaand here she is now: